CL Preview, 2nd Leg: now with bullet points!

Champions League.
Arsenal.
Manchester United.
Beautiful football.
Satanism.
Nicklas Bendtner.
John O'Shea.

Something has to give, right?

We all know the deal: Arsenal host the Lancastrian baby-eaters who hold a 1-0 lead from the 1st Leg (that could easily have been 4-0 were it not for the bleach-blond brilliance of Manuel Almunia between le posts). That goal, inexplicably scored by the useless Irish utility defender and aided by some shocking marking, will force Wenger to adopt a more attacking approach.

Gone must be the slow, sideways passing, replaced by vigor and attacking intent. They have to score, and sadly, their most likely source of goals, Arshavin, is cup-tied. D'oh! Cesc is already promising such changes, but will they deliver?

Meanwhile, Fergie and his irritating brood of sociopaths will continue their smug march towards trophies, probably with some alignment of Ronaldo and Rooney dossing around up front like a couple of ADHD-addled pre-teens, looking to cause trouble amid the Gunners' hobbled backline. Christ, Ferguson has such an easy job. His lineups practically pick themselves, leaving him plenty of time to harvest stem cells with his fangs and drink himself into a stupor on the sidelines in those cushy racing-style armchairs.

We thought we'd compile a brief list of reasons why either side might win, aiming of course for the kind of journalistic integrity and reality that you've come to expect from UF.

Feel free to add your own in the comments if we're missing anything particularly trenchant.

LB -
Why United Will Win
- They're United. It's what they bribe refs and the FA in order to do.
- The ref will invariably award a contentious, game-changing decision their way.
- Rooney is in excellent form.

Why Arsenal Will Win
- They have nothing else to play for, really
- Possessors of something to prove, they need to show that the cup-tied Arshavin isn't the only solid offensive option they have.
- It's at home! They do well at home

Precious Roy -
United:
- They are better.

Arsenal:
- They have a magic pixie, who while cup-tied, is still a magic pixie.

Ian -
United:
- SAF sacrifices, blows goats

Arsenal:
- Wenger is a genius, doesn't drink as much

Seriously, United really blew a chance to klll the tie by not getting more goals at OT. If the Arsenal backline can magically not get raped and Almunia has another huge game, then I think they can nick a goal or two and then who knows what happens. But realistically United are the favorites.

The Fan’s Attic -
United:
- Defensive backline is less banged up than Arsenal's.

Arsenal:
- Cesc deserves a good birthday present, one day late.


So there you have it. Don't argue with us, it's all very scientific.