Money For Nothing. I Want Some.

Just when you thought you'd heard the last of Tevez-gate!

Carlos Tevez at West Ham and the relegation of Sheffield United to the Colaship. It's bored us all to tears. West Ham were fined but Sheffield United wanted more. They wanted some free cash to reinforce the false belief that they belonged in the Premier League. They blamed West Ham and Tevez for their relegation from the Premier League. Of course it had nothing to do with them being crap.

Well West Ham have agreed to settle with Sheffield United and give them 15 million quid! WTF. Why not just hand them a place in the play-offs or an automatic promotion spot next season.

If you are not up to speed on this story, click here. If you are, read on.

I object. This whole affair smacks of toddler tears. Boo hoo, cry me a fucking river Sheffield United. Tevez was ineligible? Yes. Were West Ham punished? Yes, 5.5 million quid. Are the folks who bungled his transfer still in charge at West Ham? No. Did Sheffield United only collect 38 points from 38 games? Yes. Did they have the opportunity to survive by playing Wigan at home on the last day of the season? Yes. Did they beat Wigan? No. Facts not to be forgotten.

West Ham have agreed to settle out of court and give Sheffield United 15 million quid. Nice. How the rest of the Colaship must be delighted to see one of their rivals handed a 15 million transfer kitty amid a recession.

Sheffield United were/are pissed that West Ham were not docked points, relegating the east London side and saving United from the drop. But what's important here is that the FA have already dealt with this. They fined West Ham. They recognized that the previous regime at Upton Park is no longer in charge and decided that it was unfair to punish the new owners and the fans for the actions of one Terry Brown and his dodgy mates.

Sheffield United went down at the end of the 06/07 season because they sucked. They went down by one goal 'goal difference' because they couldn't beat Wigan at home on the last day. In fact they let old boy David Unsworth strike the killer blow. They went down because over 38 games they only won 10 and only scored 32 goals. They went down because they lost 20 games and conceded 55 goals.

Sheffield United scored 8 goals in 19 away games and won just 7 of their 19 at home. That's why they dropped.

Table never lies.

Handing United 15 million just punishes every team in the Colaship and sets a dangerous precedent. Well guess what, I want some of this generosity!

In 2005 Norwich City were relegated from the Premier League with 33 points. Like the Blades, we only won 7 games at home: One of them was Manchester United 2-0, get in! Like the Blades, we were not good enough over 38 games to stay. We lost a game less than Sheffield United and scored 10 more goals. We did, however, ship a whopping 77 into our net. We were sent down on the last day after we lost our bottle and were handed a thumping at Craven Cottage after a perky few weeks and some important wins. But...There is one pivotal moment in our final few games that could have cost us survival and the 60 million quid that goes with it. One moment of outrageous cheating that, looking back, denied us of 2 points. Those points were the difference between us staying and West Brom dropping.

Let me transport you back in time to Saturday the 16th April 2005. The venue? Selhurst Park. With minutes remaining Norwich were winning 3-2. Then it happened. The biggest diving cheat to ever grace the football grounds of England earned a 9.8 from all of the late night sofa judges watching Match of the Day on BBC1 that evening. Andy Johnson's dive in the box was so outrageous it boils my blood to think of it now, nearly 4 years later. He flopped on to his face and won a penno that tied the game.

So if Sheffield United are getting 15 million then I want Norwich City to sue Crystal Palace and Andy Johnson for relegation in 2005. I don't see the difference. An act beyond our control cost us a place in the Premier League. An act that is clearly immoral and just wrong.

Of course, this is never going to happen and a weak attempt by Bigus at justifying a Norwich side that was not good enough to stay up. If they had been, they would have gone to Fulham and got a result. They would have ground out another win at home. Like Sheffield United, just not good enough.

But I guess Sheffield United supremo Kevin McCabe sniffed an opportunity for some 'money for nothing'. He turned into a rabid pit-bull and was persistent enough at the heels of West Ham's current owners that they finally decided to throw the dog a bone. Here's 15 million, now f*ck off.


Dog with a bone: Kevin McCabe

Unfortunately by doing so they just handed Sheffield United the financial clout to win the Colaship.

In honor of West Ham's lack of balls and Sheffield United's incessant bitching and moaning. And to celebrate their new transfer kitty, lets enjoy an old favorite...



Now look at those blades, that's the way you do it, blame Carlos Tevez for being shit...

I for one will be hoping that United blow their windfall on expensive players, high salaries and fall flat on their arses.

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