Shadow formerly known as Shevchenko is going home?

Remember Andrei Shevchenko? I do, barely... he was the guy who tore up Serie A with his scoring 127 goals in 208 games for AC Milan (of course, it was the one he didn't score from the penalty spot in Istanbul that I remember best).

Then he hopped on a plane for London, bound in his new role as Roman Abramovich's precocious, coy lover, one whose record-breaking transfer fee seemed like institutionalized money-laundering after one dismal season in Chelsea blue. His time at Stamford Bridge has been, for lack of a better word, utter shit; 9 goals in 47 games, injuries, plenty of time spent on the bench under Mourinho and Grant, and a rather tepid loan move back to the Rossonieri.

His loan is up, and return to the Chelsea reserves appears likely. But wait! Sheva might finally end his misery with a move back to Ukraine, as Dynamo Kiev are seemingly happy to take the 32-year-old striker with less confidence than someone with ADHD trying to take their driving test.

Shevchenko was the butt of every joke while at Chelsea. 31 million pounds down the drain. Oh, how we loved to see him fail.

The video below the jump is a reminder of just how lethal he was before he came to the EPL. I would post a vid of him succeeding in the EPL, but it'd only be 10 seconds long.

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Arrivederci, Andriy

In slightly sunnier news, we might be seeing the end of the Stamford Bridge love affair between Roman and his misunderstood Ukrainian plaything, Andriy Shevchenko.

We all know loans are the beginning of the end as far as player-club relations go, and there's word that the ink is slowly drying on a deal to loan him out to AC Milan, the club where he enjoyed his greatest personal success. Shevchenko never quite sorted out the goalscoring once he left Serie A, managing to bulge the net just 9 times in 47 appearances since joining Chelsea for a whopping 30 million pounds in 2005.

He was the apple of Abramovich's eye, and the transfer that was supposed to push the Blues far beyond anyone else's reach (they did still win some trophies, but hardly needed Andrei for that). Instead, he was an expensive flop, akin to movies like Ishtar or anything Uwe Boll ever made, and his departure on loan should finally bring this awkward courtship to a close.

He's still revered in Milan, and rightly so considering his track record. Still, I shall shed a tear tonight as Chelsea shed arguably their biggest joke.

After the jump, some videos of Shevchenko in happier days, you know, when he could score goals and get regular playing time.

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Sheva wears a thong. The Sun is there

What does one do when he is paid millions of pounds a year to sit on their aging ass? Well, first of all, you make that ass comfortable. Failing that, you go out on the golf course and let other hackers spot your thong when leaning over to pick your (golf) ball out of the cup. How do I know to do this? Sheva taught me.

As with any suspect story involving a British-born or -living celebrity, The Sun was there. According to the article, when Sheva want to retrieve his (golf) ball after a putt, he showed a whale tail to fellow golfers.

Sorry. But that's really it. Sheva wears a thong. The article did provide the above picture, though, where The Sun's crack photoshop team theorized what Sheva in a thong would look like on the pitch. The only reason I'm even writing this article is so I can use that photo. It's awesome.

In order to provide you with a tad more quality from this article, I'll link you to pics of Sheva's American wife, who is supposedly a model. Given the sameness of all of her pics, I think she's had all of two photo shoots. Luckily for us, they are uniformly nude. Here ya go (NSFW).

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