My favorite musical genre of the 90s was shoegaze. Since we have a couple of navel-gazing links here today, I thought it appropriate to add in a video. Buzzsaw of noise, help me out (not for epileptic dogs):
A couple of quick notes before the links.
1) Although we dutifully did the polling and compiling, the power rankings are being pushed back to next week, in part because of
2) We will be doing previews of all of the Champions League Round of 16 ties around lunchtime tomorrow. Well, four tomorrow and four on Wednesday. We look forward to your presence then.
We have been called "snarky cynics". You have no idea how happy that makes some of us [Zidane Fans]
Hey, some soccer fans from Deadspin started a blog. I wonder why no one tried that before? Seriously, good luck fellas (esp. UF commenter Magnaki Haaskivi) [Avoiding the Drop]
Sorry, Landon. We're glad you tried. But with reviews like this, it's obvious you are coming home [Soccer America]
SAF is devious. Perhaps if he had not signaled his intention, it would have worked [The Spoiler]
You know it's a bad day when you concede 9 as a keeper, and are your team's MotM [Daily Mail]
Some Spanish player cuddles up with drag queens. There's video, you figure out what's going on [Off The Post]
If you skip ahead to 3:10, you can see the new gold standard for missed PKs. David Beckham, you are off the hook because of Edson Buddle [101 Great Goals]
Real want Gooch. Not Madrid, mind you, but Betis [Soccer by Ives]
A write up of Seattle Sounders FC first match. XBox Pitch, really? [Seattle Times]
And a reminder, voting opened today [The Hottie World Cup]
Finally:
"Suck it, Barclays!" gets a properly-credited runout on another blog. If they keep this up, I may have to get rid of the Old Firm Fans Are Twats tag [The Offside]
Well, we think we've hit upon a standard for reporting these kinds of stories.
Last week we revealed a bit of hesitancy to report of sexual predators because we only ever report the allegation and never tell you if the person gets off (in the legal sense that is).
But if the person gets caught because of his own monumental stupidity, then we'll share. Deal?
This weeks first winner? He's a total winnar!
It's Brendon Key of Nottingham. That's him looking at you there if you couldn't figure it out.
Key, who worked as a football coach with schools in the area, was found with kiddie porn on the same laptop he used in the course of his work as the treasurer of the Young Elizabethan Football League:A quantity of adult porn and two of the child images were found in the same folder as Key's curriculum vitae on the laptop... Key, who is now unemployed, pleaded guilty to two charges of possessing child porn images and 15 of making them, despite initially denying having the images.
So, in case you were unclear on this, labeling a folder on your computer "Kiddie Porn and Resume" is not a good idea.
The judge went easy on him, because he looks like a minor himself.
Well, he does.
For his stupidity Key actually received a three-year community order with 180 hours of community service. He also has to attend 35 sessions of an Internet sex offender program—which I hear are pretty off the hook—and pony up £300.
Okay, again phenomenally stupid to have porn (any kind) on your work computer and Key is no victim here. But amongst the millions of pics of naked chicks floating around the interwebs, how many people have a collection somewhere on their own drive? And how many of those people know with absolute certainty that none of the women is underaged?
Just saying because we know nothing about pornography.
Sorry Likely Lad... Spurs' Glory Days are just as far back in history
For those of you familiar with the analog world before iPhones and the interwebs, you likely remember how footy was played indoors before FIFA '93 or Championship Manager -- a charming little game called Subbuteo.
As with any old-school niche item, it still has a cult following. As it turns out, one Welshman is now using the iconic Subbuteo figurines in a new, cool way.
Tom Taylor is recreating the goal-scoring celebrations of today's players by molding tiny replica Subbuteo players in their likeness. Though, this isn't the first time Mr. Taylor has done this sort of thing. Years ago, he fashioned a miniture crocked Wayne Rooney, complete with crutches.
He also made a streaker.
Honestly, while I always historically lost interest in the actual gameplay rather quickly (flicking those little guys over and over is maddening), I always found the players, sold in sets of almost any possible team (or you could paint them yourself... which appeals to the kind of dork, i.e. me, that tried to do that with foosball players), to be the most appealing part of the whole set-up.
The question now becomes, what Subbuteo replicas should be next?
We here at UF have a few ideas... and welcome yours, as well.
-- C Ronaldo primping in a mirror
-- Dirk Kuyt with head in hands after missing another sitter
-- Craig Bellamy swinging a golf club
-- Joey Barton with cigar
-- Robbie Fowler snorting the goal line
-- El Hadj Diouf spitting on a fan
-- Eric Cantona kung-fu kicking a fan
-- John Terry 'respecting' a ref
-- Michael Owen on the ground, injured
Besides applauding my wit in crafting headlines, all the Gooners can breathe a sign of relief that their key rivals in the fight for 5th have just lost their Fabregas.
Everton will be without Mikel Arteta for at least 6 months due to ACL damage that requires surgery, and David Moyes admits it's bad.
"Injuries are part of football but what we'll miss is that we don't have the squad or numbers to do it. You've got to have the numbers, and that's where our problem comes."And so, we bid adieu to Everton in the hunt for Top 5. Now all we need is Villa to receive some bad news from their physio (Keith: laying low since losing to Chelsea?), and the collective misery will be complete.
The Chinese Government is now using David Beckham as a pawn in its propaganda war. We are defenseless.
Oh wait, it's only about a sex drug. No worries, then.
The international icon and part-time footballer is being used to promote a Chinese sex-aid supplement. In the commercial he appears with his wife where, according to Brand Republic, he claims (in a dubbed voice): "Want to know how I can keep being strong and running on the football field? USA Selikon capsules help me a lot. It's also the secret weapon with which I can satisfy Victoria."
Ancient Chinese secret, huh? Not anymore. But this confirms our suspicion that Victoria gets off by having small, capsule-shaped things shoved up her ass.
Anyway, we're pretty sure someone botched the translation and that's not even an actual quote. An actual quote would probably read more like: "USA Serikon capsures herp me a rot. It's arso the seclet weapon with which I can satisfy Victolia."
What, it's suddenly not okay to be slightly racist on a Monday anymore?
The same series of ads also includes Sean Connery, Keanu Reeves, and Dirk Kuyt.
Just kidding. Kuyt is actually part of the Chinese Population Control program. Anyway, it seems that the Chinese government signed off on the ad, keeping consistent with their long-standing hardline stance against copyright infringement.
Platini: Evil genius? Idiot? Both?"Paying a child to kick a ball is not that different from paying a child to work on a production line in a factory that makes footballs...Both amount to child labor. And when you pay the parents, when you uproot them from their home environment, when you make them emotionally disorientated, I call that child trafficking."While this may initially seem a little dramatic, there are undoubtedly many young players who are brought to Europe from Africa every year and wind up poor and alone on the streets rather than in an academy as they were promised by "agents." Imposing stricter travel restrictions for minors into the EU, as well as providing closer regulation of football agents, will certainly help to deal with this aspect of searching for "the next Zidane."
This week saw several nil-nil draws and a shocking lack of GSTGC candidates. To make up for this, we got some bonus footy, as the 3 postponed matches from Matchday 20 were made up on Tuesday. The result of the week goes to Lyon, who beat Nancy 2-0 to increase their lead atop the standings.
Tuesday, February 17th:
Valenciennes 2-0 Caen - Although Caen had 59% of the possession, it was Valenciennes' 8 shots on goal which made the difference in this match. Despite being without sparkplug Darcheville, Valenciennes started early with a Lacourt goal in the 10th minute off a centering pass from Ducoutioux. Caen's only opportunity of the first half came in the form of a shot from ben Khalfallah which was easily saved by Valenciennes GK Penneteau. Lacourt should have had a brace in the 71st minute but he put his shot over the crossbar, and he could have had an assist just minutes later but Puyol sent the header wide. Valenciennes secured the 3 points in the 91st minute as Bangoura did some nice work down the right wing and laid the ball off to Danic for an easy finish.
Le Mans 0-0 Lille - Lille had 64% of the possession but still couldn't break through against Le Mans, who had been winless in 6 of their last 7 matches. The first half of the match saw no significant chances from either club, and the second half saw more yellow cards than shots on goal as the match devolved into handbags almost immediately after the restart. Le Mans did manage a goal from Helstad, but he was ruled offside. Beria then should have put Lille ahead in the 60th minute, but his shot was cleared off the line by defender Camara. Just minutes later Lille GK Malicki made a fantastic save on a volley from 25-yards by Lamah, and the clubs settled for 1 point each.
Nancy 1-2 Nice - Nice started off strong and pressured Nancy throughout the entire match. In the 5th minute Bamogo forced a save from Nancy GK Bracigliano, and that was repeated in the 16th and 35th minutes. On the other end Luiz forced a save from Nice GK Ospina, but that was their only attempt of the first half. Nice struck in the 48th minute through Traore, but Nancy equalized in the 58th minute with a shot from Berenguer. Fortunately for the southern club, they were able to steal the 3 points at the death with a well-weighted through ball from ben Saada finding Hellebuyck for an easy finish in the 90th minute.
Saturday, February 21st:
Grenoble 0-0 Paris Saint-Germain - PSG missed the opportunity to keep pace in the standings as they were held to a scoreless draw by Grenoble in a tightly-contested match. High-flying striker Hoarau had 2 early chances to put PSG ahead, heading wide in the 14th minute and missing the goal from 3 yards out in the 21st minute. Just minutes later Grenoble almost pulled ahead as a fierce volley from Feghouli was well-saved by PSG GK Landreau. The second half provided more action, as Giuly volleyed wide and Ceara was saved by Grenoble GK Wimbee. Grenoble had 2 final chances in the last 10 minutes to take the 3 points, but Cesar headed over the crossbar while Boya sent his shot straight into the arms of Landreau.
Le Havre 1-2 Auxerre - Auxerre got off to a flying start, as Kahlenberg scored the fastest goal of the Ligue 1 season in the 1st minute after an incredibly poor attempt at a clearance from the defense, perhaps demonstrating why Le Havre have lost 10 of their last 12. Just 2 minutes later Jelen beat Le Havre GK Revault but had his shot cleared off the line. Le Havre equalized in the 36th minute as a free-kick from Anin came back off the post to Lesage for an easy finish. Immediately after the restart Auxerre GK Sorin made nice saves against Diallo and Baca to maintain the tie. His efforts were rewarded in the 79th minute when some well-worked passing found its way to Birsa in front of goal for the winner.
Lorient 1-2 Sochaux - Sochaux managed their first away win of the season after being down 1-0 early to Lorient. The goal for the latter club came in the 23rd minute when Gameiro received a pass from Vahirua and proceeded to dribble around 3 defenders (sadly, I couldn't find any video). Gameiro should have had a brace in the 29th minute, but he was stopped 1-on-1 by Sochaux GK Richert. In the 66th minute Maurice-Belay played Sverkos through with a nice pass for the equalizer. The winner came in injury time, as Erdinq (who had been stopped twice by Lorient GK Audard earlier in the match) completely fooled the GK to snatch the 3 points.
Nancy 0-2 Lyon - Claude Puel started something of a "B" side for this match with Benzema, Ederson, Juninho, Keita, and Grosso on the bench ahead of their Champions League tie against Barcelona, and received a well-earned win for his tactical decision. Delgado, starting in place of Juninho, threatened the Nancy goal consistently, although his finishing left something to be desired. The first goal came in the 19th minute as Cris was left alone at the back post and headed in the corner from Delgado, and Nancy GK Bracigliano was kept busy for the rest of the half. In the 50th minute Gassama brought down Brison in the box for a Nancy PK. The latter was taken by Hadji, but he was stoned by Lyon GK Lloris, who made a nice save on Hadji's eventuall follow-up as well (and remind me, Raymond, why he doesn't start for Les Bleus?). Nancy did pick up the pressure after the missed PK, with Lloris saving shots from Feret (51st minute), Brison (67th minute), and Hadji (88th minute). Benzema, who was a 66th minute substitute, finished off the match with a goal in the 92nd minute after beautiful pass from Makoun.
Nantes 1-1 Caen - Caen, with 0 wins in their last 11 matches, at least managed to hold on to a draw after an early goal. In the 3rd minute Seube picked off a bad throw-in from das Neves and passed to Deroin to provide Caen with the lead. Nantes thought they had equalized in the 14th minute after Bekamenga had scored, but the referee had already blown his whistle for a (questionable) foul. In the 35th minute Caen missed doubling their lead when a Proment free-kick hit the bar, and they would rue the miss 10 minutes later when Bekamenga scored off a da Rocha free-kick to equalize. Nantes continued to press in the second half, with Bekamenga feeding Plasnic, who was stopped by Caen GK Plante, and then taking the shot himself, only to put his effort over the bar. Djordjevic had 1 final chance for Nantes in the 82nd minute but he missed his opportunity despite being alone on goal.
Toulouse 0-0 Valenciennes - Toulouse missed the opportunity to move into 2nd place in the Ligue 1 table as they were held by Valenciennes. In the 7th minute Lacourt was stopped by Toulouse GK Carrasso, who also made a a nice save on Sanchez just 1 minute later. In the 36th minute Mathieu missed the chance to put Toulouse ahead, hitting the crossbar with his shot. The second half was dominated by Toulouse, but Valenciennes GK Penneteau stopped Fofana in the 60th minute and Bonnet in the 70th minute, while Ebondo put his shot over the bar in the 77th minute.
Nice 0-1 Rennes - Rennes managed only their 3rd away win of the season thanks to the excellent effort of Thomert, Briand and Cheyrou. The latter 2 players combined early to force a save from Nice GK Ospina, and the former sent in a nasty volley in the 30th minute that required Ospina to perform well. Disaster almost struck right before the half for Rennes as there was a near-OG by defender Hansson, but the ball was turned out just in time for a corner. Nice began to strike back in the second half, with Rennes GK Douchez stopping Remy in the 50th minute and saving a Sable free-kick in the 60th minute. Nice should have taken the lead in the 66th minute when Mouloungui had his shot beat Douchez, but his shot deflected wide off his own teammate Sable. The only goal of the match came on the last significant opportunity for either side, with Cheyrou passing to Briand who crossed the ball to Thomert for the finish in the 68th minute.
Sunday, February 22nd:
Marseille 0-0 Le Mans - Marseille had 72% of the possession, took 27 shots (only 3 on goal), and were playing a club with 0 wins since November. Naturally, they blew their opportunity to make up ground on Ligue 1 leaders Lyon. Zenden provided most of the pressure for L'OM, forcing Le Mans GK Pele into several early saves. On the other end of the pitch Le Tallec tested Marseille GK Mandanda before hitting the woodwork. The second half was more of the same, with Zenden hitting the post twice. Le Mans had 1 final opportunity to steal the 3 points, but Coutadeur put his shot over the crossbar.
Saint-Etienne 1-1 Bordeaux - Bordeaux missed the chance to move ahead in the standings after eking out a draw against bottom-dwellers Saint-Etienne at the death. The clubs traded shots in the first half, with Bordeaux GK Valverde stopping Machado and Sall, and Saint-Etienne GK Janot making a brilliant double-save on Gouffran and Cavenaghi. Early in the second half Janot stopped Gourcuff, and in the 54th minute Matuidi rewarded his GK's efforts with a 15-yard strike to put Saint-Etienne ahead. Just 4 minutes later Machado hit the post and Saint-Etienne would rue the miss when Chamakh flicked a corner onto to Cavenaghi for the equalizing header in the 90th minute.
Lille 2-1 Monaco - Goals came very early and very late in this match, as struggling Monaco fell once again. Lille struck in the 12th minute when Bastos raced down the right side and crossed for a perfect header from Obraniak. Park and Pino then provided some pressure for Monaco, but the latter went off injured in the 44th minute and was replaced by Licata. Lille GK Malicki and Monaco GK Ruffier both made several saves in the second half, and the match looked like it would end in a 1-0 victory. In the 93rd minute a cross from Hazard found 76th minute substitute Dumont for the 2-0 lead. Adriano hit a stunning free-kick in off the post in the 94th minute for the final tally, but it was too late for the club from the principality. Freddy Adu watch: Once again, nowhere in sight, not even on the bench.
So, after Matchday 25 the top of the table looks like this: (1) Lyon, with 52 points on a 15-7-3 record and a +19 goal differential; (2) Paris Saint-Germain, with 46 points on a 14-4-7 record and a +10 goal differential; (3) Marseille, with 45 points on a 12-9-4- record and a +14 goal differential; and (4) Toulouse, with 45 points on a 12-9-4 record and a +11 goal differential.
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