Just a couple of quick thoughts on last night's Olympic qualifier against Cuba.
The USA should have put it out of reach in the first 15 minutes. By the time Adu scored, it should have been 3-0.
Has no one installed drainage at Raymond James? It looked like the game would have been better fit for bog soccer at times.
When you have a one on one with the keeper and five yards on the defenders, don't hit a one time shot off of your shin. Take your time and finish. There's always a chance you'll get bundled over.
Dax McCarty, stay on your damn feet (and get a haircut). Same to you Charlie Davies. Until Americans learn to dive properly, it's just embarrassing.
Those were two pretty weak yellows to Lines. One for a goal celebration, and the other (and ultimately a red card) for kicking away after the whistle.
Just because Arsenal play a nice brand of football with the passing and whatnot, don't emulate their inability to get a shot off.
Jose Manuel Miranda had a pretty nice game in goal for the Cubans. I hope he continues to stymie the other teams. I fear that he will not.
If you had told me that the US would get any less that 7 points in this pool, I would have laughed. Now I think I'll take 5 and advancement, although that could lead to a semifinal date with Mexico, who knocked the US out at that stage last time.
Here is the tables after one round: (Record, Points, Goals For-Against)
Let's all hate on Heerenveen for not releasing Bradley.
Next game: Friday against Panama.
image courtesy AOL Fanhouse
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
USA U-23 Embarrassment
Bigus Tripus, part 4
While I shake off the last of this flu that's been plaguing me, and while I wait for Bigus and RZM to file more reports [too drunk, too full of pies], I'll dust off RZM's interpretation of Saturday's Norwich game, sent from an iPhone and containing more spelling errors than Vince Young's Wonderlic.
Get into it, RZM, and try not to mention how much you love Dimitar Berbatov....
Bigus Dickus and Bigus Dickus Sr. were up and ready to hit the road in their neon yellow Norwich kits. After I managed to get dressed we hit the road for the Midlands, Coventry City here we come. As we were zooming up the M1 I quickly realized that everyone on the road was heading to a fixture somewhere in the country. That thought was validated as we made a pit stop at The Watford Gap rest stop (Nowhere near Watford). Everyone going inside for a coffee and egg sandwich had a kit on. Leicester, Oldham, Barnsley (Well done mate), and of course Norwich City. We made it to Coventry approx 1:00 and headed to a pub dedicated to away supporters. Coventry is clearly not the wealthiest town in England and I really should not have been surprised that the pub did not have Sky Sports. Instead of having Man U-Portsmouth we had to settle for Rugby. (Crap). We met up with some Canaries that Bigus Dickus met on the Norwich chat sites, and as you would expect they had the personalities of people who hang out on Norwich chat sites. Not the funniest bunch but overall were good people. After the previous evening I surely was not going to drink again yet Bigus had the Tetley's [Ed. Note: the English Ale, not the tea] on the table before I could decline. 2 Tetley's later we were off to the Ricoh arena for the 3 p.m kick off. Walking up to the Ricoh I was very impressed with stadium. Very modern with all of the amenities that you would expect in a modern stadium. We walked in and I had a shite Carling in a bottle and a rather dodgy steak and kidney pie. My stomach was not pleased that I made such a poor decision. Anyway it was now time to head for our seats. This is where I got scared. We were in the JEWSON stand row SS. What the fuck is that about? A New York Jew has to sit in the JEWson stand in row SS. Not the best feeling in a country of 4 jews. When I did make it up to our seats they were in a sea of yellow, approx 3800 Canaries in full voice. No need for a match report, Norwich lost 1-nil. Great atmosphere, shit footy. Tomorrow I am off the White Hart Lane for proper football and a proper club!! C'mon You Spurs!
I do not know where to start. I will not even go into details re Friday evening 7 pints and a curry. You know for a fact that I am "Two Pint Pack", so 7 was a big effort. Saturday a.m the day began with a very hung over Packimo rolling out of bed to a banging on my door.
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
This week's shirt is so horrible, so hideous, I have to hide it behind the jump. Make sure you get the kids out of the room before you go forward. We here at UF are not to be held responsible for the seared retinas of the youth of today. I would advise all adults to make sure their stomachs are set as well, just in case. For what comes next is truly disgusting.
Scotland wore this abomination as a second shirt in 1988. Oddly, I can't say that it's the colors that make it horrible, as all three are traditional Scotland shirt colors, but instead it's the putting them all together. Blue and gold would have been okay, but adding the old school "roseberry" color really throws it all off. Not to mention the fact that Umbro thought it wise to introduce a rather unserviceable origami print for this shirt. All in all, a series of bad decision here.
So, what do you think? Is this the worst international shirt of all time, or is there another one that deserves our attention?
Questionable E-Bay Purchases for: The Manchester United Fan
[Ed. Note: The flu is finally subsiding, fading away like Man City's aspirations for 4th place. Slow start this morning, but it'll come back together again. A barrage of posts today, and then back to normal service.]
This is the second in a series of reports on the beautiful bounty provided by E-Bay. If you know someone who is a fan of Manchester United, then first of all you have my condolences. If for some reason you actually like this person and wish to buy them a gift, then you may be a candidate for beatification. After the jump you will find some suggestions for the depraved ManUre fan in your life.
At $99.99, this is an expensive item, but there are currently 0 bids, so you may be able to talk them down a bit. In the Venn diagram covering ManUre fans and cowboys, the overlap is approximately .00001% of the total population. However, this item may come in handy for your favorite hooligan, as this belt buckle may come in useful during the latest donnybrook against rival supporters (or even against Sir Alex). At only $6.99, this item makes a wonderful season's end gift, and there are currently 0 bids. For the unstable ManUre fan (note: this is repetitively redundant), we offer this lovely blazer in an eye-popping design. Please note that it is apparently necessary to be a fan of #9, Louis Saha, in order to truly feel comfortable wearing this. The price is a respectable $32.99, and there are actually 2of these monstrosities available.
Item #1: Manchester United Teddy Bear (note: This item is not Teddy Sheringham).
This lovely item is for the little one or woman (or non-traditional male) in your life. At only $.92, it is an absolute steal, but there is already one bid, so be sure to act fast.
Item #2: Manchester United bedspread and canopy set.
The second item is a wonderful ManUre bedspread and canopy set for your little ankle-biter. If you insist on having your child tormented by dreaming of that diving poofter Ronaldo, this may be for you.
Item #3: Manchester United belt buckle
Item #4: Manchester United blazer
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sweet FA Cup Roundup
Unless you have been living under a rock (or don't follow the English brand of football), you have undoubtedly heard of some slight FA Cup upsets from this past weekend. After the jump, some sure to disappear quickly video highlights of the quarterfinal matches.
Manchester United 0 Portsmouth 1
Pompey went up to United and won for the first time in 50 years at Old Trafford. SAF was pissed from the 6th minute onwards, after C. Ronaldo took a knock in the box but didn't get a penalty. Despite not scoring for the rest of the game, Fergie said this is what lost the game for Man U. Actually, it was this:
Rio Ferdinand had to go in goal afterwards and made a valiant, but failing, effort at the penalty. We here at UF could not have been happier.
Barnsley 1 Chelsea 0
Well, we could not have been happier until this happened. The Tykes knock big spending Chelsea out of the cup. Below, extended highlights of the epic fail that is Chelsea.
Middlesbrough 0 Cardiff City 2
The Welsh outfit went northeast to take on Gareth "the teeth" Southgate's squad, and beat them soundly. Two first half goals sealed the deal. Look below for a really fuzzy view of the goals.
Bristol Rovers 1 West Bromwich Albion 5
Ishamel Miller had a hattrick for the visitors. Rovers replied quickly after going down 0-2, but after the (very offside*)third WBA goal, Rovers had no shot. Look below for the highlights from last weekend's highest scoring match.
* Yes I understand the offside rule. I understand active vs. passive. I understand that the defender had the last touch. Miller made himself active on a ball that was initially attempted to be put through by WBA. It was an offside in the way Joe Cole was not in the Chelsea game.
We're sick
We here at UF are under the weather. Understand that to mean that we are also very busy at work, at home or with life in general, as well as being incapacitated by the flu. Please bear with us and we'll be back to normal soon.
Chelsea fans are racists
Maybe, maybe not. I don't really know to be honest with you. But when the news comes out that Fat Frank and Asshole John Terry shirts outsell the one guy who can consistently score for the team, then I don't know what to think.
So, what's an Ivorian to do when confronted with these statistics? Well, Drogba fights back the only way he knows how--by going to the club shop and purchasing his own jersey. Sure, that's how I'd do it.
The Daily Mail article, using conveniently unnamed insider sources (but it's better than making them up, a la Scott Templeton), says that Drogba, hurt by training ground razzings, goes to the club store up to ten times a week to purchase his own jersey in bulk.
Here's what I don't understand. I know that footballers are never the brightest lights, but come on. Drogba is really going tho the club store at Stamford Bridge to purchase his own jerseys by himself? Why not send a mate to a local Sports World to buy them for you?
I call shenanigans on this whole story. Until I get picture proof of thousands of Drogba's closest Ivorian friends wearing this season's Chelsea shirt, I say no way. This feels like an attempt of someone to discredit the guy who is likely leaving in the close season anyway. Maybe, just maybe, that move will mean that this shirt starts to sell instead, you know, to the racist Chelsea crowd.
images from uksoccershop.com and thequake.com
Monday, March 10, 2008
Fight! Fight! Fight!
This video has already been making the blog rounds, but Unprofessional Foul cannot ignore it as it's in our wheelhouse--violence, soccer, and absurdities.
Over the weekend a Colombian match between America and Deportivo Cali sparked a riot in Cali, Colombia's third-largest city. The final tally of the riot was 80 injured and 18 stabbings. A schoolyard dustup between the rival managers instigated the riot that suspended the match. Oddly enough, it appears that some of the rioting occurred between the supporters of the same club. Check out the video after the jump.
The video of the riot is quite amazing. You can see the result of the punch to the kisser. One has to wonder why the Arsene Wenger - Alan Pardew dustup last season didn't result in the same aftermath. Could it be massive amounts of cocaine? I would imagine the stadium might be the safest
Also, peep the lady at about the 0:36 mark that appears to be stomping the riot police.
Colombia where the women are as hot as balls and tough as nails. And, if you are so inclined, here is a mail-order bride service for Cali women.
Questionable eBay Purchases
Anyone who has ever visited Italy has likely come across their street vendors and the questionable football shirts that they hawk. Many times they are just cheap, unbranded knock-offs of the current shirt of a team, but sometimes they work magic. It's a new form of art, a re-Renaissance, if you will. I warn you though, don't wear this onto (what used to be) the terraces, I don't think these fans would appreciate it.
You can be the proud owner of this shirt for just $13. Well, as long as no one else bids on it, that is. Look at it. It's an unholy amalgam of a NUFC shirt and the image inside the star of a Newcastle Brown Ale label. Speaking of the ale, it makes its return here as the sponsor of the shirt, something that hasn't happened since 2000.
So tread lightly, foreign Newcastle fan, don't go thinking this is a rare third shirt that you just don't remember. This is a genuine, grade-A, Eye-Tie knockoff. You might be able to pull it off in an Atlanta suburb, but you'll never get away with it on your sad pilgrimage to St. James' Park
Sunday, March 9, 2008
The Ballad of Eddie Johnson
On a Saturday full of massive upsets in the FA Cup, most Americans were paying attention to the Blackburn vs. Fulham game. Why? Well, because Fulham sports an inordinate number of American players. Although Carlos Bocanegra and Brian McBride were on the bench for the game, on the pitch were GK Kasey Keller, Clint Dempsey, and Eddie Johnson. We here at UF were eager to see how EJ would perform, given his recent move to the EPL. Check out the exclusive video below for a match assessment.
Seriously? EJ's performance against Blackburn made these guys look good in comparison.
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