Through the hilarity of scheduling, we present a fourth-round replay for the Gooners, despite their fifth-round opponents already playing to a replay next week, and despite the fact that the quarter-final draw has already been made.
I love the FA sometimes.
So, will they get it done tonight, or will fixtures continue to pile up for Arsenal like a giant Katamari?
Lineups and livebloggery after the jump.
Arsenal: Fabianski, Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Gibbs, Nasri, Song, Denilson, Vela, Eduardo, Bendtner.
Subs: Almunia, Van Persie, Ramsey, Wilshere, Clichy, Bischoff.
Cardiff: Heaton, McNaughton, Rae, Purse, Johnson, Parry, Ledley, Kennedy, Burke, Bothroyd, McCormack.
Subs: Capaldi, Whittingham, Johnson, Comminges, Scimeca, Blake.
The big news is that Eduardo is in the starting XI, next to the world's most egotistical/delusional striker, Nicklas Bendtner. Even though he's certifiably insane, you have to admire his gusto.
Couple of issues with a feed, but I'll be in business shortly. It's not like anything ever happens in the first 5 minutes!
5 mins: Bendtner proves why he shouldn't start every game, heading over from close range. To be as fair as possible, the cross was high, and he did well to reach it, but still - shouldn't the best Arsenal striker tuck those away with ease?
6 mins: Bendtner is denied again, as Tom Heaton (on loan from Manchester United) makes two good saves in quick succession, the first to parry a venomous shot from Carlos Vela, and the second with his legs as NB pounced on the rebound. All Gooners, all the time.
11 mins: A rare attack by Cardiff! Chris Burke gets behind Gibbs down the right wing and puts in a decent enough cross, but the linesman reckons that crossed the touchline first.
The difficulty of liveblogging with an Arabic audio feed is becoming apparent. Despite most English-language commentators being absolutely insufferable, they do help in at least keeping you up to speed. This is like watching a game live; you have one chance to see it, process it, and write it down. Most times, the audio at least gives you a second chance. It's also impossible to keep up with who's currently in possession.
14 mins: Eduardo decides to shoot from the center circle, apropos of nothing, but it's always heading wide. Heaton was back anyway.
15 mins: Sagna has a go down the right, lofting a cross in front of Eduardo's run but it's too strong and Heaton collects on the edge of his area.
Nice flowing football by Arsenal, which is par for the course at this point. However, the inability to play a simple pass behind the defense is still as apparent as ever. No, it can't be a simple pass. It has to be a backheel or chip, or sidefooted tap. It must be taking years off Wenger's life expectancy.
17 mins: Lovely move by Arsenal again on the edge of the box, as Eduardo does get behind the backline, but his square pass is blocked by captain Darren Purse and cleared. Crisis averted.
Oh, and Bendtner again! Lovely run by Vela down the left, cutting it back from the touchline and somehow finding NB in front of goal. His first touch beats his man, but he lingers too long to shoot and its blocked by two sliding tackles at once. Think one of 'em was Darren Purse again. The window of opportunity was small, but you'd expect better from the great Arsenal striker.
20 mins: NB plays Eboue in behind Purse but his shot is easily smothered by Heaton. Will Cardiff ever manage to get the ball beyond the halfway line?
21 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and finally Cardiff crack. Another lovely bit of play down the left, as Eduardo releases Vela, and Vela's cross floats right along the six-yard box, sitting up perfectly for Eduardo to power in a header, leaving Heaton with no chance. Wonderful interplay by Vela and Eduardo. NB was right there for the rebound, it must be noted. That lad is special. Meanwhile, the heartwarming recovery of Eduardo continues. He's engulfed by teammates at the corner flag, and rightly so. Good to see him getting his form back. Arsenal 1, Cardiff City 0
24 mins: Poor Bluebirds. The rout is surely on, as Cardiff's backline looks as stiff and useless as the Maginot Line. Arsenal appear to have no trouble getting 'round the back. This time, it's Vela again, but Eduardo can't control and shoot under pressure from Purse.
27 mins: Cardiff winger Paul Parry works hard for the money, so hard for it honey. He wins a corner off Sagna but makes a mess of the delivery, and it's time for the Gooners to play keepaway for the next 15 minutes.
28 mins: It's Nasri's turn to sting Heaton's palms, scurrying through the midfield and shooting from 25 yards, causing the goalie far more trouble than it should have.
30 mins: Some 6 or 7 minutes since Nicklas Bendtner offered anything of merit to proceedings, making me wonder if the poor fella's only gone and overrated himself with his own hype and bluster. Eduardo and Vela appear quite useful without him, it must be said.
32 mins: We are slowly entering into that lull that's commonplace in a game like this. Lukas Fabianski tries to avert the boredom by coming out some 35 yards from his line to shin the ball to safety. Gallas and Toure were both there to clear, but that wouldn't have been nearly as fun, would it?
34 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and it's the great, the epic, the legendary, the gargantuan Arsenal great, Nicklas Bendtner. He gets his broad Danish noggin on a fine inswinging corner by Nasri, directing it nicely inside the far post. He did well there, momentarily living up to his own billing in coming all the way across the area to outjump both Cardiff defenders to get on the end of that one. Arsenal 2, Cardiff City 0
38 mins: I've solved the audio problem by muting the bugger and enjoying some Gordon Ramsay on the TV at the same time. The day is truly complete; sumptuous, free-flowing football on the computer, and profane cookery on the telly.
Cardiff look shellshocked. They earned their big-money replay at Emirates, make no mistake, but they're horribly outmatched this evening. Ex-Gooner left-back Lee Dixon on the BBC reckons they're giving Arsenal too much respect, but could it be something much simpler, like a gulf in class? If I were an Arsenal fan (thankfully I'm not), I'd be watching this game in two minds: one greedily enjoying the quality of play from the team, the other wondering just where on earth these performances are week in, week out. Maybe I'm overanalyzing considering that they're playing Cardiff, but still.
45 mins: Tom Heaton is rather good. It makes me sick to think he'll end up back at Manchester United at some point. He saves twice from close range to deny Eduardo and Bendtner (related question: where on earth are Cardiff's center-backs?), although Nicklas does well to deny himself, hitting the post with Heaton sprawling and the goal wide open. Moron.
To recap: Eduardo's initial turn-and-shoot was parried to the Amazing Bendtner's feet, and with time to shoot, he sidefoots the ball against the post with Heaton stranded. Bendtner collects his own rebound and shoots again, by which time Heaton had recovered enough to make another diving save.
The ref's seen enough, and I'm surely not far behind.
HALF TIME: Arsenal 2, Cardiff City 0
One of the more deserved leads you'll ever see, although the wunderkind Bendtner must reconsider his own greatness after missing that sitter on the stroke of half-time.
Now to watch Gordon cook a chicken leg with bacon before the second half. Oh, and time to make some Bagel Bites, the official half-time snack of any self-respecting liveblogger.
The feed I'm watching has a rather wonderful half-time show, consisting of the two presenters, both sporting facial hair, beer guts, and the hangdog look that one develops through years of being hungover every single day, superimposed over highlights of the first half. It's glorious in its low budget, green-screen approach, and I applaud their minimal aesthetic. When compared to the sturm und drang graphics-gasms frequently provided by ESPN.
To elaborate further: the two men are perched atop bar stools some two feet apart, no table or podiums to lean on, and the lad with a mustache has a clipboard that he is fixated upon. Sportscasting 101: look at the f*cking camera. Still, they're better than JP Dellacamera.
They're back out and ready to kick off. NB is ready to atone for that ghastly miss with a second-half brace, surely. If Arsenal hold on, they'll play their fifth-round tie the same weekend that the quarter-finals are happening. Hilarious.
46 mins: Cardiff begin brightly with 40 seconds of possession in Arsenal's half, but order is quickly restored. Nasri whips in a free-kick from the left wing, but it's easily cleared. Expect the Gunners to pass Cardiff to death from here on out.
49 mins: The Edu-and-Vela Show continues, but this time, Carlos' low cross from the left is lacking in menace. Still, those two play a 1-2 better than anyone else at the moment. Are they twins? They play with the awareness of a pair separated at birth.
50 mins: For all their poetry in motion, it must be noted that there's still an ugly side to Arsenal's play, and it's ex-skipper William Gauloises. The Frenchman ploughs through Jay Bothroyd like a runaway train, picking up a yellow despite all his best "who, me?" gestures. It matters not, as the Bluebirds bugger up the free-kick. Based on this game so far, you'd think Lukas Fabianski has the easiest job in soccer.
54 mins: Lovely footwork by Vela gets him right through the Cardiff defense, as he skips inside and wrongfoots defender Roger Johnson, but Johnson recovers just in time to block Vela's shot.
57 mins: Don't look now, but it's a Cardiff counter-attack, and their first shot of the game! Jay Bothroyd gets a yard of space as Gallas plays back, and JB duly obliges. He skips to the top of the box and shoots well, forcing Fabianski to fall forward and smother. Be proud, Bluebirds fans... it only took 57 minutes.
60 mins: PENALTY TO ARSENAL
GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and Eduardo converts the spot-kick he earned. He sends Heaton the wrong way after being shoved down by Gavin Rae. Cruise control now for Arsenal, although it's been like that since kick-off. Arsenal 3, Cardiff City 0
Wenger looks to be warming up and instructing a couple of subs... presumably Eduardo will be brought off to spare that ankle any potential distress. He's had a wonderful game, and the pairing of Vela and Edu is tough to defend. Why they don't play in the EPL together is anyone's guess.
65 mins: Free-kick Cardiff, in decent position: 25 yards out, just to the left of goal. Luke McCormack gives it a good effort and wins a corner as it deflects off the top of the wall.
Cardiff's best chance of the game, which was barely a chance at all. The outswinging corner found a Bluebird head in the area, and it took some scrambling by Sagna to get it clear. Fabianski didn't look interested in doing it himself.
Then, the Gunners surge down the other end. Eduardo turns his man inside out and puts it wide right for the Stupendous Bendtner. He beats his man round the back and puts a low cross in, but Eduardo can't finish.
It's his last bit of work, too, as he comes off to rapturous applause. He's back, Gooner fans.
Double sub for Arsenal: Aaron Ramsey and RvP on, replacing Nasri and Eduardo.
Cardiff then do the same, bringing off midfielder Paul Parry for Peter Whittingham, and Darcy Blake on for Darren Purse. The Cardiff skipper hasn't had a very good game.
70 mins: Cardiff are getting more possession in the Arsenal half, but it's to be expected when the home side have their fifth-round berth comfortably secured. Sagna breaks down the right wing and feeds the Marvelous Bendtner in the middle, but NB fouls in trying to spin past his marker. No-one at Emirates is surprised in the slightest.
73 mins: Kieran Gibbs snuffs out a one-man Cardiff break for goal, and the passes along the backline have begun. That's the mind-numbing stuff you don't normally see until the 85th minute.
Oh, I didn't see that first time. When Eduardo came off, he was limping slightly and headed right down the tunnel after coming off. I don't wish to be alarmist, but he could have taken a little knock.
Final Arsenal sub: Carlos Vela comes off after a wonderful shift, replaced by Amaury Bischoff.
Cardiff match Wenger with their final sub at the same time (they realize they can sub at any time, right?), removing Gavin "I'm sure he did well in midfield somewhere" Rae with the immortal/33-year-old Riccardo Scimeca, who played for Villa and Notts Forest back in the 90s.
77 mins: All sorts of sideways passing by Cardiff as they forage unsuccessfully for a consolation goal. They might have to make do with their share of the gate receipts, as they've looked rather useless up-front. I'd rather chalk it up to their ineptitude than the brilliance of Toure/Gauloises, because I think the latter to be impossible.
Pass-pass-pass-pass-sidefoot-pass by the Gooners ends with RvP getting the ball a shade offside (but no flag!), and his fierce shot is well covered by Heaton. The scoreline's a bit unfair to the Cardiff goalie, who's generally looked good despite the constant action in his area.
79 mins: Dear, oh dear. The Fantastic Bendter comes in an hour late on Kevin McNaughton, with both feet up (studs showing!) and catching the midfielder on his foot. Another yellow for the Gunners, and another black mark against the Godsent Bendtner, Our Lord's Gift to Football.
81 mins: Bischoff gets free on the left and just misses making it 4-0, whisking his shot across goal and past the far post. Heaton at full stretch looked to get a toe on it, but no corner.
83 mins: After that talk this morning (yes, I realize I'm beating a dead horse, but it's fun) by Nicklas, aside from that goal and hilarious miss, all he's managed to do is get himself booked for a shocking challenge, and that's about it. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to open my mouth at work about how brilliant I am, I'm not going to follow-through by sleeping at my desk and shitting my pants. The statement and the action just doesn't correlate.
86 mins: The Outstanding Bendtner is in the thick of it again, sliding in to Heaton's gut and introducing his studs to the goalie's pancreas. RvP put him clean through with a neat pass, but it was too heavy and close to the goalkeeper, but it wasn't going to stop our favourite Dane! The ref gives him the benefit of the doubt, but really, he was nowhere near collecting that one. Bit lucky, in my opinion.
87 mins: It's all happening now! Sagna sprints from box-to-box, as only Sagna can, and goes down in the Cardiff box, but not much of a penalty shout.
88 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and The Wonderful Bendtner atones for his recent fouling. He puts Robin van Persie through the middle with a lovely pass, and RvP slots home past a helpless Heaton. Bit unfair at this point, as Cardiff have shown some guts in the last 20 minutes. Arsenal 4, Cardiff City 0
90 mins: Two minutes of stoppage time to come, not that it'll matter. A great, confidence-building display by Arsenal today, as Vela and Eduardo turned on the style this evening and things went very much according to plan.
90 mins + 2: Could have been 5! The Peerless Bendtner floats a ball to the far post, and RvP heads wide from 6 yards out. He stands frozen for a moment, stunned by his own profligacy.
FULL TIME: Arsenal 4, Cardiff City 0
That'll do. Wenger must be encouraged by the performance tonight, and he must be close to starting Carlos Vela regularly. With all that offensive firepower, he's going to have a hard time fitting them all in. Can Vela play left-back?
Goodnight all, thanks for following along. I'm all Gooner'd out.
Monday, February 16, 2009
FA Cup Liveblog: Arsenal v. Cardiff City
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Mercy for Bosingwa is not bestowed upon the linesman
In a season marred by contentious referring decisions, the rakish move of unibrowed right-back Jose Bosingwa is perhaps the worst, as both Riley and the linesmen decided no action should be taken. In the insane world of the FA, the non-call on the pitch has rendered them impotent and unable to review and properly discipline Bosingwa, despite the fact that they set the rules and could/should probably change that particular clause so they can ban the lad for 10 games or so.
That said, the mercy shown to Bosingwa by Mo Matadar, aka the guy who was inches from the incident and shown on tape waving his flag like a man possessed, was not returned in kind, as the FA have dumped him down to League Two for a while.
Mo will be running the touchline at the Grimsby Town/Exeter match, where he'll no doubt realize the error of his ways and will perhaps learn to assert himself better on the pitch next time.
I do like that the FA punishes its staff for egregious errors on the pitch (still waiting for Riley's rebuke, by the way), but honestly, is this the right way to do it? Now all it means is that some poor, struggling lower league minnow is stuck with incompetence that could possibly ruin their game as well.
To further emphasize this point, the ref in Matadar's game will be Stuart Atwell, the moron who gave a goal even though it hit the side netting in a recent Reading/Watford Colaship clash.
So look out Mariners and Grecians fans, the failed officials are heading to your game.
Prepare rotten fruit/veg accordingly.
(In case you missed it the first time...)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
UF Quick Throw: Fattie is free!
Fat Frank's red card has been stricken from the record, and rightly so. He'll be free to play on Saturday, unlike England's Blowhard John Terry, who picked up a yellow for yelling at Riley and now has enough to miss a game or two.
Still, the biggest injustice still remains: Jose Bosingwa's cleat dance on Yossi Benayoun will never be punished, although hopefully karma can still have a say.
[Guardian Sport]
Friday, January 30, 2009
Salomon Kalou puts the FA in a figure-four leglock
Spartak London "striker" Salomon Kalou scored twice at the weekend, seemingly defying the laws of nature in doing so (he's not that good, you see).
And yet, the most reported-on aspect of his feat was the celebration for Goal #1, an arms-crossed salute (with fellow Ivorian Didier Drogba in close attendance) that looked, to some, an awful lot like something political. The FA doesn't take kindly to those making statements on the pitch, whether with hand gestures or scribble on an undershirt, but fear not: Kalou has a response!
Was it a sign of solidarity to jailed Ivory Coast activist Antoine Assale Tiemoko? Of course not -- it was a tribute to the WWE!
Said Salomon: "I don't even know this guy [Tiemoko]. That has nothing to do with football. Why should I celebrate for him? It was crossed arms, not wrists, [the celebration was] about my strength."
It appears that John Cena pulls a similar move right before finishing his opponents, and Kalou, the massive wrestling fan that he is, decided to use his goal-scoring to show it off.
Will the FA buy it? Probably, as they'll buy anything. As much as they love doling out punitive punishments for ill words spoken against referees, surely they'll let Salomon off the hook.
So, to summarize: not politics, but pro wrestling. Word has it that other Spartak players are catching on. For example, the next time Drogba scores, he'll DDT Florent Malouda.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
UF Quick Throw: Mickey Mouse references cost 500 pounds
The FA, Kings of Useless Punishments, have brought down the hammer on Joe Kinnear for his comments towards Martin Atkinson. Now, how much of that goes to Disney for licensing fees?
[The Sun]
Friday, December 5, 2008
UF Quick Throw: Evra gets his ban from the FA
The FA's banned Patrice Evra for 4 games and fined him $30,000 for that groundskeeper scuffle at Stamford Bridge back in April. Burning question here: why on earth did it take this long?
[Sky Sports]
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Sir Trevor channels Jim Mora: "Semis? SEMIS?!!"
[Ed. Note: we'd like to formally welcome Autoglass, the trouble-causing Chelsea fan, to the UF blogging ranks. You might remember him from this splash of glorious prose detailing what Arsenal means to him, and you can welcome him properly in the comments. If Chelsea spend big money, we can all expect him to gloat about it. Take it away, Blue!]
Ingerland, Ingerland, Ingerland!
It’s one of the better chants in International football, to my ear. Simple, but sung with urgency that wills the best of English youth on to success in "their" game. If you spend a lot of time with an Englishman, you can almost smell the desperate passion for their national team.
The closest we’ve come is the 1980 Olympic Hockey team (USA! USA! USA!). That team had NO expectations thrust upon it beforehand, so the passion was limited to the tournament itself and, of course, proved to be rewarded with gold.
While it’s been 42 years since England have won anything, I reckon that an English victory in the World Cup or Euros would about cause many of my closest friends’ heads to explode with joy.
... or maybe their sons’ heads to explode, ‘cuz it may be a while.
Sir Trevor Brooking, head of the English Football Association, recently engaged in some tactical expectations-lowering when discussing the National side...
"I thought there was a lot of quality football in Euro 2008 and the fact we didn't qualify was almost a reality check," Brooking told Sky Sports News. "We don't want to go from that (not qualifying) to saying we need to be in the last four of the World Cup."Put that in context. Imagine Mike Krzyzewski coming out ahead of the Olympics and saying that US expectations should be about making the medal round rather than winning the whole thing. Patience, Mike counsels!
"What!? We invented the goddamn game! You’re going to cede excellence to buncha Brazilians and Croats!!!"
They possess talent that, for all the money and hype in the world’s richest league, is remarkably lacking in the ball skill necessary to break anyone down at the highest levels. I mean, you’ve got Joe Cole, Theo Walcott and... who else, exactly? Gerrard and Lampard and Rooney ain’t dribbling past anyone. Too often they are left with their admirable grit and steel, and unimaginative long balls hoofed up to the head of Peter Crouch. England just failed to make the final 14 of the Euros (given the last two spots to Austria and Switzerland), and it's worth noting that Europe has 13 spots for the World Cup. The English consider one of those spots their birthright on the way to, as Brooking points out, an expected spot in the Semis. While unlikely, it’s still quite possible that things could get worse for the Three Lions before it gets better.
It’s been said before, and by better thinkers than me: England have some serious issues with their national team development. They're a side so balled-up with the nauseating fear of failure that they sometimes seem more concerned with keeping their butts clenched tight than with constructing an actual attack.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Jailed player is owed money... the FA agrees
Sestanovich waits for his check
Here's a fun one. Say you run a company and one of your employees runs into a little bit of legal trouble. When the time comes for them to tell you what's happened, the employee downplays it somewhat and the problem goes away, until you find out what the real crime was and immediately give them their pink slip.
However, they're not going to jail just yet, and the regulating body of your industry forces you to pay the employee you for the time after he was fired and before he goes to prison.
It doesn't sound right, but it is, according to the FA, and the unlucky club forced to cash out a criminal? Non-league Grays Athletic FC.
The club doesn't want to comply, and the FA is on the verge of suspending them for their principles.
He didn't get a chance to do much there, participating in just three training sessions and 20 minutes in a pre-season friendly, as he was caught up in the planning of a robbery during which a man was killed. The raid led to the death of Thomas Fahey, 42, who was shot in the chest at close range while visiting his brother at the office in June 2005.
Ashley Sestanovich, a body double for Thierry Henry in some Nike commercials a few years ago, was a promising midfielder for Conference side Scarborough. He won an FA Cup Player of the Round award in 2003 for his goal to knock out Port Vale, and had bounced around through several clubs [Sheffield United, Manchester City, Grimsby Town] before settling at Grays Athletic in 2005.Sestanovich, 26, was convicted of conspiracy to rob a roofing firm in Streatham, south London.
Understandably, the club is pissed that they're being forced to pay out. Said Grays chairman Mike Woodward:
"I am bitterly disappointed in the FA's judgment, all they seem to want to do is take money from football clubs.You can hardly blame him considering the club is way down on the financial totem pole, and that they're shit out of luck after the FA's ruling. The chairman has put a plea out on the club website for donations or assistance from former players who have gone on to bigger things in order to get this squared away, and for all our sakes, let's hope they do.We are being forced to pay approximately £14,000 to a player who only had three training sessions and 20 minutes in a pre-season friendly due to his involvement in a heinous crime which saw a young father shot in cold-blood.
Unfortunately my principles will not allow me to pay this money from either my own pocket, or from the club's, and the directors are of the same opinion. I feel sorry for the supporters of this club but I hope that you will back me on this decision."
If they don't come up with the bread in two weeks, the FA's going to suspend them indefinitely from all football until the money's paid out.
It's absolute bullshit, but that's the FA for you. It won't reduce Sestanovich's sentence at all, but when he gets out, he'll have a check from Grays Athletic waiting for him.
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