John Mikel Obi John John Obi needs a chauffeur

Poor John Obi Obi John Mikel John Obi. Having been caught back in January for some rather nifty, though horribly illegal, driving under the influence, the Chelsea midfielder appeared in court this morning to get his punishment.


What Obi John's driving might have looked like

Let's just say he'll be spending most of his annual salary on taxis.

Hop to it, Guardian!

District Judge Jeremy Coleman banned him from driving for 15 months and ordered him to pay £1,580 at West London Magistrates' Court. Mikel looked stumped as he was ordered to stop driving.

His solicitor said he would not undertake a drink driving course to shorten the ban because he "would just like to serve it out".

Ouch. Apparently being caught at nearly twice the legal limit (to get technical: 66 micrograms of alcohol in 100 millilitres of air... crazy science) gets you a healthy ban.

So, Mikel is car-less for over a year. Thankfully he works in a city known for his mass transit system, although I'd be careful taking the District Line to work; if you miss your stop at Fulham Broadway, the next one is Parsons Green, and then you're in the heart of Cottagers Country.

They don't take kindly to Nigerian defensive midfielders from Chelsea around those parts.

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Oh dear, poor John Mikel Obi Mikel John John Obi Mikel

Mikel laughs at the crumpled wreckage once known as Phil Neville

Trying frantically to deputize for the injured Michael Essien is enough to drive anyone to drink, and the gargantuan task finally drove poor Mikel John Obi over the limit. Well, he drove his car over the legal limit, and the police did the rest.

From the Guardian:

The 21-year-old Nigerian was stopped by police at 5.30am on Saturday after being seen driving his Range Rover "erratically" near the club's ground in London's Fulham Road. Hours later his team beat Ipswich 3-1 at Stamford Bridge, although Mikel was not part of the match-day squad.

Mikel, who lives in Weybridge, Surrey, and reportedly earns £40,000 a week, has since been charged with driving while over the drink-drive limit and will appear in court in April. He faces a year's driving ban or a jail term if the offence is deemed exceptionally serious.

It's not as awful as the infamous Stevie G/iPod punch-up, but even so. With erratic driving like this, it's no wonder he can't handle the midfield at Stamford Bridge.

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