UF Quick Throw: UEFA Not As Corrupt As We Supposed

Darren Fletcher's appeal was denied.

From UEFA's statement: "In reaching its decision, the Control and Disciplinary Body concluded (i) that the protests had not been submitted within the required 24-hour deadline of a match for filing protests – as specified in the disciplinary regulations – and (ii) that even if they had been admitted they would have been rejected as unfounded as there were no grounds for contesting the referees' original decisions."

Translation: Day late, dollar short get bent.

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Relegation! Shows Excitement! And Emotion!

While Liverpool fight to keep the EPL title in doubt there is, as always, another competition at the ass end of the table. There lies the fight to see who'll be traveling to locales such as Coventry, Swansea, and, the good lord willing, Norwich next season to play their football.

Ah relegation. North America, when will you ever learn that losers can provide as much teeth-gnashingly brutal entertainment as the teams desperate for trophies?

Probably never. You can't charge people $1 Billion to join your club then send them to the minor league, but we digress.

Anyway, for all of the mid-season clutter at the bottom of the table, the relegation battle in the Prem is likely to be fairly uneventful. One team is all but done. And two others are clinging to some combination of hope and delusion.

Follow along after the jump as we read the remaining fixtures, do some math and try to play Kreskin.

First, it's not going to take 40 points to reach safety this season. Thirty-seven is likely the magic number (Schoolhouse Rock lied to me yet again). Although just for good measure, if you're Blackburn or Hull you might want to scrounge up an extra point some place so your goal difference doesn't become a factor.

Working from the bottom up, West Brom are done. At 25 points, they would almost have to run the table to reach safety and seeing how they have Liverpool and Tottenham left on the schedule that ain't happening. Although, they might have fun in helping to drag someone down with them as they still get Sunderland (currently 15th on 35 points) at home and go to Blackburn (17th on 34) to finish the season. But, the Baggies are not a good side, and those two teams are probably penciling their matches against WBA as wins.

Newcastle on 30 points might—might—have 7 points left in them. Let's call the home games against Portsmouth and Fulham a win and a draw respectively (and that might be giving generously). That leaves the home match versus Middlesbrough as a must-win. It's actually a must win for both clubs as a draw probably sends both to the Colaship. But if Newcastle can win that—and they would probably be slight favorites as Boro have but two wins and two draws away from the Riverside this season—they get to 37 and likely safety.

Middlesbrough are also done. They go: to Arsenal (L), host United (L), to Newcastle (?), host Villa (L), and to West Ham (L or D).

Since we've already given Newcastle the head-to-head, that's five potential losses Dr. Teeth is starting at. Even with a win at St. James' Park, that still only takes them to 34 points. And the two teams currently on 34 already have a better GD. That's not likely to change if 'Boro take four of the last five on the chin. Failing a win against Newcastle, the best case scenario maybe has them drawing with West Ham and Newcastle. That's still only 33 points. And that's first class ticket on the Good Ship Sodapop.

Cheer up, Red Army. Coke adds life.

The three other teams under 37—Sunderland on 35, Hull City on 34, and Blackburn on 34—might be safe not through their own doing, but because 'Boro and Newcastle will fail to not fail. It's not unfathomable for both Boro and Newcastle to top out at 33, meaning that everyone above the zone is already safe. Yippee!

Oh wait, that actually kind of takes the fun out of this. So, let's assume that one of current relegation dwellers gets to safety, putting one of those next three at risk.

Sunderland's problem is that the three games they can pull points from—West Brom, Bolton, Portsmouth—are all on the road, whereas their home games against Everton and Chelsea are imminently losable. But, Bolton and Portsmouth will probably be safe when Sunderland plays them (if they aren't already), meaning they're facing an opponent that doesn't give much of a shit for anything save for their next tee times or if they can play through their hangovers.

Blackburn Rovers finish up at home against West Brom. They could lock up safety before then, but if not, that's about the best insurance policy that a team one spot above the drop could possible hope for. Win that and Blackburn get to 37, even if they take squadoosh from the other 4 fixtures. Their biggest fear is that if multiple teams are on 37 they've got an awful GD at -20. Currently only 'Boro and West Brom are worse.

If any team outside the zone can play their way down to the bottom three, it might be Hull City, mostly because they fucking suck total ass right now. They can't score. They have but one win this calendar year. They have three certain losses (Liverpool, Villa, United) in their last five. And their manager has orange skin from his fake tan. Okay, not relevant, but creepy nonetheless.

Again, working in Hull's favor is that, when they go to Bolton, the Wanderers will have nothing to play for. But even better is they get Stoke, also a team that will have packed it in, at home May 9. Win that and Hull probably stay up. But they share Blackburn's GD concerns as they are also on -20. Villa, Pool, and United could easily up that to -26 or worse.

Realistically it's five teams in play for two spots. The two teams currently in those spots have to be the favorites to keep them. But if there is a winner in the Boro v. Newcastle match, then Phil Brown might visibly become a beiger shade of bronze.

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Dios Mio, Diego

For those who enjoy schadenfreude, peep the latest chapter in Diego Maradona's managerial adventures: a 6-1 defeat in Bolivia, their worst defeat since a 5-0 pasting to the Colombians back in 1993.

On the bright side, at least no-one got hurt, right?

Vids and more after the jump.


1st Half


2nd Half


It was an ugly game for the Argies, who clearly failed to adjust to both the stifling thin air up there in La Paz, but to the new formation Maradona's been trying recently.

As Tim Vickery gushed over at the BBC, Diego's got the Albicelestes trying to run a 3-4-3 in a bid to keep all his strikers and attacking midfielders happy. When you're blessed with a front line of Tevez, Diego's son-in-law Aguero, and Messi, you do what you need to do. Add to that the raw talents of Ezequiel Lavezzi, and there's a logjam of strikers.

Against Bolivia, he ran a limp 4-4-2, changing everything entirely from the win over Venezuela; with the creaking veteran duo of Zanetti and Heinze at the back with newcomer Emiliano Papa comically holding down the middle (I'd mention Demichelis, but what's the point?), they got stomped.

It didn't matter that Gago and Mascherano both started in central midfield and tried to assert their good cop/bad cop routine (one leadeth the attack, the other taketh away), for they were overrun from the get-go. The goalie is new, the formations are new, and they're at a crossroads.

With all the changes and tactical "innovations", it all comes back to one thing: Maradona is about as good at managing a soccer team as he is at managing his drug addictions and violent temper.

They're lacking an identity and a style, looking more like a haphazard collective of individuals than anything remotely resembling a team, and it comes down to Maradona's inability to forge some continuity from the many talents his country is producing.

Said the tubby one, in typical florid style: "I suffered with them. Every Bolivia goal was a stab in my heart. If we had dreamed this was going to happen before the game, we would have thought it was impossible."

Sincere or not, something needs to change. For those of us that enjoy seeing the Argies falter, let's hope things stay just the way they are.

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Video Break

While International weekends may not be as fun as league play, they do have some benefits. Namely, the people you like to make fun of screw up in whole new ways while wearing different shirts. This weekend's blog heroes come from Poland and Germany, countries so close, you'd think they would fight once in a while.

First off, we have the own-goal of the weekend. As Mike Georger ranted about on Saturday, Northern Ireland defeated Poland 3-2. What he may not have known at the time was that the Norn Iron win wasn't all down to their own scoring prowess. No, a 78th minute own goal sealed the win.


Ouch. While the OG was credited to Zewlakow, the real culprit was the pitch. Paul Robinson feels Boruc's pain here, I think. In other Boruc news, he has ticked off Leo Beenhakker enough to get dropped from Wednesday's qualifier against San Marino. I don't think he will be missed in that one.

For another howler, we look to Germany's ever-reliable Mario Gomez. For those that do not remember, Gomez came into Euro 2008 tipped by some to be the breakout performer of the tournament. He was, in a way. His performance was so atrocious in front of the net that he will be forever remembered (by me at least) as the guy who missed a sitter from three yards out, and it wasn't that surprising. Anyway, here was his latest effort.


Luckily, the Germans were taking on Liechtenstein and the fact that the striker hit the ball 20 yards over the top of the net was of no significance. Gomez is now scoreless for Germany in his last 13 matches.

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Verizon Fios Fail

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Can We Get A Do-Over, Please?

Good news for Setanta US subscribers as soon you might not have to pay them a monthly fee anymore. The bad news is because there might not be a Setanta before too long.

Upset that they only got one of the packages for EPL rights in the UK the Irish-based subscription channel is looking for some help lest it go under.

Setanta is believed to be seeking an urgent meeting with the Premier League in the hope it will help broker a deal to regain the rights it lost in last week's record-breaking TV auction... Should Setanta be unsuccessful in securing a reverse of the auction, the state of the channel's funding is bound to come under increased scrutiny. Last night the media research group Enders Analysis questioned whether Setanta could survive in its current form.

Uh oh. With only 23 games per season to air between 2010 and 2013 the channel could find itself losing subscribers, unless of course there is a massive surge in popularity for hurling and Gaelic football, assuming that those aren't the same thing. We'll go with 'no' here as we think the former is played with a stick.

What does this mean for US subscribers?

Not entirely sure. The US rights starting in 2010 go up for auction in spring or early summer. So Setanta should know by then if they've been able to negotiate back into another domestic pacakge, and have a better sense of their short-to-medium term viability.

Worst case scenario for Americans? It's probably that Setanta survives. If Setanta is still around, they might make a gambit to put more emphasis on the US market. If they hold more EPL rights for the US, that will likely drive up subscriber numbers over here. More revenue for them but it will cost you, the EPL fan (suck it, Barclay's).

Without a solvent Setanta, that probably leaves the bidding to just FSC and ESPN. Meaning cable outlets that do not require an additional $15 a month just for the one channel (FSC is often on a sports tier which does cost extra but usually gives you access to other awesome shit like bull riding and skating) will probably secure the US rights.

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