FIFA Wants to F*ck With The Jesus

Brazil might very well already be on double secret probation. Why? Loving the Jesus. Actually FIFA probably doesn't care how much they love Jesus, they just want them to stop telling the world as much.

A warning letter was sent to the Brazilian football federation ‘to remind them of the relevant regulations, so that such incidents do not recur in the future’. Brazilian players, and Kaka in particular, are well-known for their strong religious beliefs and the squad and backroom staff formed a large circle and sank to their knees in prayer after the victory over the US at the end of last month.

Wait, I though God only blessed America. If He helped Brazil defeat us in soccer then I'm never trusting a slogan printed on currency ever again.

The letter barely even amounts to a hand slap as FIFA is only reminding Brazil of laws already on the books. Specifically Law 4, Decision 1:

Here’s FIFA Law 4, Decision 1 (compete list of the laws here (Warning: PDF link):

Players must not reveal undergarments showing slogans or advertising. The basic compulsory equipment must not have any political, religious or personal statements.

A player removing his jersey or shirt to reveal slogans or advertising will be sanctioned by the competition organiser. The team of a player whose basic compulsory equipment has political, religious or personal slogans or statements will be sanctioned by the competition organiser or by FIFA.

I didn't know a strongly-worded letter counted as a 'sanction.' Clearly FIFA is now under control of Canadians.

The secularists among us should thank God the Danes had the temerity to speak out. Yes, the Danes. In the wake of the Confederations Cup final when the Brazilian team turned the field into an impromptu cathedral, Jim Stjerne Hansen, the secretary general of the Danish FA, thought the violation egregious enough to raised the issue to FIFA.

"Just as we reject political manifestations, we should also say no to religious ones. There are too many risks involved in clubs, for example, with people of different religious faiths."

It must surely be some sort of eschatological sign when the Danes are the voice of reason. If Kaka can continually show off his subordination, then why can't an Afghan player pull off a jersey with a the message: 'Allah says 'Death to all Infidels and the Great Satan of America."

FIFA didn't comment directly, but merely referred to the rules, which they weren't enforcing. Shocking that FIFA would be so spineless in the face of a world power. Ergo, the letter.

Anyway, Brazil, you're now on notice. Stop loving Jesus or FIFA is going to take a gun, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger until it goes click.