Sex is For Winners

Italian scientists are really at the forefront of scientific discovery. No, it's not a discovery about the perfect number of meatballs in Spaghetti Bolognese--the answer is 8. Standing upon the shoulders of Fermi, Galileo and Da Vinci, Italian researchers have finally discovered the key to sexual performance.

Chiara Simonelli, associate professor of the psychology of emotional and sexual development at Rome's La Sapienza university, has found a direct link between a man's sexual performance and the performance of his favorite team.

"If the team close to his heart loses, he's depressed, his desire falls and the sex fades away," she said on Friday at the presentation of the 2008 report on, Italians in Bed.

Simonelli went on to say that Paul Jewell appears to be the exception to the rule. Derby County is losing at a record rate, yet he still seems to be getting it up. Must be a masochist.