This is why I don't ride the bus

Rangers may have pulled off the Scottish double this year, but some fans probably wish they had missed out on the SPL-clinching game at Dundee United. In a story that seems so last month here in the US, 13 fans from Dunoon took a bus to watch their team play, and now all 13 have swine flu. Or, if you prefer (as I do), Pig AIDS. Either way, all 13 are now scary statistics for the media to throw at you.

So, yeah, stay off the bus if you can. Especially three hour trips with lousy, drunken Scots with poor hygiene and poorer taste in teams. This advice alone is proven to add three years to your life expectancy.

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