The PFAs: where misty-eyed tributes reign supreme

Mr. Giggs proudly displays the Giggs' latest shiny sex toy

The first rule of player-voted awards is simple: they'll always get it wrong, mainly because scientists have proven the lack of brains afforded to athletes. This is simple fact; years of toiling and bothering with weight training, 2-a-day practice and working on Nike ads removes the brain's ability to think rationally.

Voting with the heart is a terrible affliction that plagues the Baseball Hall of Fame, and now, that cuddly sensation has spread to the PFAs, England's premier player-voted silverware party.

Simply put, the players got 'em all wrong.

First off, the PFA Player of the Year, won by the finest Welsh export since Tom Jones, Mr. Ryan Giggs. I'm not knocking his contributions to Manchester United or the beautiful game itself, but his worth as recipient is specious at best. The ageless midfielder started 12 games in the EPL this season, with 12 appearances as a second-half sub, and one questions the fact that what amounts essentially to a fringe player is picking up such lofty titles as PLayer of the Year.

With 4 other United players on the ballot, you'd figure any of them to be worthier shouts, or even the humble Mr. Gerrard, but alas, it was not to be. The misty-eyed voters are acknowledging Giggs' imminent retirement, and are awarding him thusly. Aww.

Not what I thought such awards were for, but I guess I'm wrong there.

Moving on to the Young Player of the Year, an even more absurd winner: Ashley bleedin' Young!

The filly from Villa, soon to scare opponents every fourth game or so while wearing an England shirt, beat out the peerless Stephen Ireland who, while toiling on a far worse team has achieved a great deal more. His workrate, vision, goalscoring and passing ability are far greater than young Mr. Young at this stage, he of the 6 goals and 8 assists this EPL season (and a staggering 1 goal since mid-December).

Another banana peel there, PFA.

And finally, the PFA Team of the Year. Cover your eyes! Avert your gaze!

Edwin van der Sar (Man United)
Glen Johnson (Portsmouth)
Rio Ferdinand (Man United)
Nemanja Vidic (Man United)
Patrice Evra (Man United)
Ashley Young (Aston Villa)
Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
Ryan Giggs (Man United)
Cristiano Ronaldo (Man United)
Nicolas Anelka (Chelsea)
Fernando Torres (Liverpool)

While it's to be expected that several Reds would dominate the XI, I find it hard to believe that Evra really merits inclusion. And the exclusion of guys like Hangeland, Jagielka, and even Lampard is a crying shame. It would be nice to think that the fine folks who play this game every week might be able to make objective selections, but then again, considering their Saturday afternoons are normally spent yelling at the referee for not giving them a penalty, I fully understand their lack of judgment.

I also get that the voting ended in mid-March (I'm not buying Gordon Taylor's limp defense, either), and that these high-paid ballerinas are too busy drinking and fighting in nightclubs, running people over willy-nilly with their Ferraris, and using coupons at restaurants to sit down in their personal offices to really give this more than a moment's thought. In fact, barely any of 'em probably have an office or study in their 56-room mansions, but that's a complaint for another place and time.

Honestly, PFA: next season, vote for those players who actually played well and consistently for their teams. It's hardly rocket science (thought it might seem that way).

And so concludes my Andy Rooney-esque griping. I hope it killed another 10 minutes of your life ahead of the Barca/Chelshea cull this afternoon.

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Ode to a Referee

To the referee of the Arsenal v. Liverpool Champions League match played at the Emirates on Wednesday, April 2, 2008:

The following is a foul:



The next time you are presented with such a situation, please respond accordingly and award a penalty kick. Also...




BLOW YOUR FUCKING WHISTLE, YOU USELESS TWAT!

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Chelsea is demanding, ridiculous

Do not look directly into his eyes. You will turn to stone and your team will play a 4-3-3.

Being a footballer at Chelsea is hard these days. The car park's always full of Chelsea tractors [aka the mighty Range Rover], you're only making twice what you made at your last club, and the post-game spread in the players' lounge is always dominated by Asian-fusion cuisine.

The other tough thing is having to play under Avram Grant, a man seemingly devoid of emotion and love [fuck, just look at the spaced-out bastard to the left] and one whose tactics and managerial skills are limited at best.

Now, it's finally coming to a head, as several of their players are vocalizing their distaste.

It would appear that for Chelsea, losing the Carling Cup is apparently something too great to overcome.

Let's see what they have to say, shall we?

From the article in the Evening Standard:

Senior players are privately questioning Grant's approach on and off the pitch, and the faith earned by his good start in the job has been undermined in recent weeks. It was dealt a serious blow by the defeat by Spurs and some players are even hoping the club's owner, Roman Abramovich, or his powerbrokers at Stamford Bridge will pressure the Israeli into changing tack.

Glad that's not my club.

So let me get this straight: you're pissed and want a new manager because you lost the Carling Cup?

That game aside, Chelsea haven't lost in the league since December 16 [1-0 at Arsenal], you just got past the 5th round of the FA Cup, you made it to the Carling Cup final, and you're unbeaten in the Champions League this season. In fact, that December 16 loss is the last loss I can find before Sunday [please, correct me if I'm wrong. I'm lazy, and there were a lot of results to sift through].

I can understand some of their woes, namely that Grant is a sports psychologist and believes as firmly in the rotation as Rafa does, but honestly, isn't that more a problem of ownership for going crazy with signings and squad upgrades when you can only put 11 on the field at any one time?

The players are unhappy at his methodology, and their moaning only goes to show the difficulty of having a massive, expensive, talented squad. [Well, that's being a bit generous but you know what I'm getting at].

Florent Malouda, Joe Cole, Claude Makelele and Frank Lampard have also been among the surprise omissions in the last two games, and the unexplained selection choices have been a source of great frustration.

There were also suggestions today that Grant had been so worried about Spurs finding out what his side was that the first team did not practise their formation at all in training during the week.

Grant is a student of sports psychology and the feeling is that his squad rotation is designed to keep everyone happy, but it is backfiring badly when frustrated players are seeking a strong leader.

Understandable, but that's the players, not the coach. It's tough to argue with an almost 2-month unbeaten streak.

My advice to Chelsea: lighten the fuck up. Skeletor's no genius, but it could be worse. Much, much worse. [You could be Fulham]

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