Don't Let The Door Hit You On The...

Referees generally get a raw deal. When they execute their job flawlessly, rarely are they singled out for credit. But, should their performance be less than stellar, the burning spotlight is focused right on them, illuminating every little flaw on what may have just been a bad day at the office.

That said, they're not born into the profession. Maybe it's for the Love of the Game or maybe it's because they enjoy being screamed at by grown adults, but the Men in Black (or yellow... or red... or green...) choose this life. It's a job. They're free to leave the madness behind anytime they want, to free themselves of the indignity of having their manhood, the feces count of their brain matter or their full allotment of chromosomes from being brought into question.

They're people, right? People with day jobs, bills, families and feelings. Who wouldn't look to greener pastures?


Well, we're not going to have Premier League referee Steve Bennett to kick around anymore. (well, maybe not...)

As it turns out, Mr. Bennett has scored himself a new gig. But, he's not leaving the reffing 'industry'. He's simply switching sports.

The man who once accused Premier League players of deliberately getting booked so they could enjoy some time off, will now help develop refs for cricket.

In all actuality, as an 'independent director', this doesn't necessarily mean Mr. Bennett won't be doing both jobs. I can't speak to whether or not he'll still be reffing PL matches (or spouting off at the mouth), but methinks this sets an interesting precedent. Once they wear their welcome out at one sport, refs can move onto ruining another sport. I believe Egypt may have some suggestions for Howard Webb.

Maybe somebody should alert Bill Simmons.

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Oh Halsey...

It is hard to be a referee. Or at least, I imagine it to be. You're not very popular, you don't get paid very well, and the only way anyone judges you to have done a good job is if you're invisible and not heard from. There's death threats occasionally, you get called "wanker" more times than anyone else on earth (despite whether your masturbatory habits are that regular or not), and you catch shit from players, fans, and coaches every single day.

Sometimes though, you'll get rewarded with a big, high-profile game between big clubs, and you'll be seen all over the world in your black shirt clutching your little whistle. Prestigious, right?

Well, it is until you get something wrong, cause a big appeal to the FA where your ruling is overturned, and then you get dumped down to League Two for a couple of weeks.

Yep, that's what happened to Mark Halsey. Poor bastard. The wrath of Chelsea is clearly a lot stronger than I ever imagined.



From the Daily Mail, whose insistence on typos in their online content never ceases to amaze me:

Halsey dismissed Terry for hauling down Jo in the Blues' 3-1 win at Manchester City, but the England captain successfully appeal against the red card he picked up at Manchester City.

Halsey deemed it a serious foul play and showed Terry the red card, but Chelsea protested, and yesterday submitted a claim for wrongful dismissal.

Jo still had a long way to go to goal when the foul came in from Terry, whose fellow defender Ricardo Carvalho was in close attendance.

An independent regulatory commission heard the appeal today and the FA revealed they upheld Chelsea's claim, meaning England captain Terry must no longer serve a three-match ban.

Independent, eh? That means Roman can probably get to 'em. Some new velvet cossacks, or a Mercedez Benz knocked off from a car park in St. Petersburg.

Either way, as the article goes on to mention, Terry's reinstatement is rather fortunate for the Blues, as they play Manchester United this weekend, and his suspension would carry through their Carling Cup tie against Pompey on the 24th, and the following league game against Stoke.

Poor lad. He was gutted at the thought of not playing against Jermain Defoe.

Halsey's punishment for royally messing things up and forcing these commissions in the first place is a prime gig this weekend: Chester vs. Shrewsbury.

It's good to see some accountability there, especially as the straight red was dubious from the start, but it makes me wonder what'll happen to Ed Hochuli, whose transgression was far more influential. San Diego lost, and he received bad grades that might stop him working in the playoffs. Could they send him to ref 1-AAA college football instead?

Either way, there are two morals to the story: be a good referee, and never, ever, ever get on the wrong side of John Terry.

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I'd like his debt payment plan, please.

Is this the referee or is it Ryan Cabrera?

Mercifully, we will start today with a post neither lauding Liverpool, nor containing tears for Arsenal. We will focus on a referee, though, because those guys always turn out to be bastards.

Coming from the old news file, German referee Robert Hoyzer was convicted in 2005 of accepting bribes to fix matches in 2004 and earlier. Hoyzer shows up again this week because the terms of his settlement of the DFB have been released, and boy, did he get a sweetheart deal.

Alright, so maybe Hoyzer did not get a sweetheart deal per se, but he did get a greatly reduced rate. As part of Hoyzer's settlement, he agreed that the DFB lost 750,000 euros, or $1.18 million at today's rate, becuase of his actions. Instead of having to repay in full, however, Hoyzer agreed to pay about $1500 a month over 15 years, a total of $270,000. If he fulfills these terms, the DFB will agree to drop any claim at further renumeration.

I wonder if his lawyers can talk to my student loan people? I would love to have that kind of consolidation of debt.

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The ref's a wanker

Yeah, Arsenal rogered by the referee in their tie with Liverpool. Call it sour grapes, but I don't care. If Gunners get the benefit of either disputed penalty call, they are likely watching film of Avram's "tactics" this morning.

I guess the dynamic duo of Hicks and Gillett have decided that the best way for them to overcome Rafa's obstinate rotation policy is to just go all out and bribe the refs. I kid, sort of. Or maybe a superbly trained athlete like Ryan Babel, who was able to easily blow through a weak shirt grab, didn't dive and really did lose his balance two steps later and flung himself to the ground in the opposite direction. Come vent with me, after the jump.

After the game, Arsene Wenger rightly blamed the refs. He told the official website that:

"I believe that we have to live with that and sometimes you have to swallow it. It is like that but it is very difficult to understand it because it was not a penalty tonight. I watched it clearly again. Last week [the challenge on Hleb] was a real penalty but we have to accept it. As well we have to accept in a game like that where we had so much control, but we were too naive. We lacked a little bit of maturity defensively."

Hey, at least he didn't bust out the usual "I didn't see anything" defense. I'm sure non Arsenal fans are laughing, but he has a point. If that penalty isn't called and Babel picks up a yellow for diving, then Arsenal advance on away goals.

If the Hleb call is reversed the outcome is less clear, but it would have been an advantage to have won at Emirates. After Diaby's early goal, it would have been 3-1 Arsenal in aggregate.

In a high stakes environment like this, its a shame that the referee feels a need to interject himself so blatantly into proceedings. And these weren't even shitty EPL refs like Mark Clattenburg! I was hoping for more, Mr. Peter Frojdfeldt, whatever Nordic country you hail from. At least he didn't grow up five minutes from Dirk Kuyt.

Arsenal fans can take some cheer from last night's proceedings, though. They bossed play for large parts of both legs, and the team clearly has the quality to beat anyone in Europe. Theo Walcott looked exceptional out on the wing, and he would be a huge upgrade over Eboue if he can stick in that role. Gilberto played well replacing Flamani. Its too bad he apparently can't be happy as a squad player, because he offers great depth in the midfield and would be able to spell Flamani in games against Bolton and Wigan. We also learned that Rosicky and Van Persie are made of glass, and should be flogged off to some middling Continental club, or Man City, at the earliest opportunity.

Anyways, its looking like another empty season for Wenger. That's four in a row, if you are keeping score. This weekend's visit to Old Trafford could very well be a severe beating given the fragile state of the team psyche. Like every Arsenal supporter on earth, I'm on record that he needs to make it rain this summer and buy some depth.

Also I'm hoping for Chelsea to beat Liverpool and make it to Moscow, just to see the hilarity that will ensue when Abramovich literally tries to fix a Champion's League Final. Ronaldo and Rooney better make sure they don't visit the wrong whorehouse when they are town, less they get arrested and shipped off to the gulag in Kamchatka.

And no, I'm not bitter at all.

[photo credit: BBC, Getty]

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Ode to a Referee: Part II

To the referee of the Arsenal v. Liverpool Champions League match played at Anfield on Tuesday, April 8, 2008:

The following is not a foul:



The next time you are presented with such a situation, please respond accordingly and do absolutely nothing. Also...


SWALLOW YOUR FUCKING WHISTLE, YOU USELESS TWAT!

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Ode to a Referee

To the referee of the Arsenal v. Liverpool Champions League match played at the Emirates on Wednesday, April 2, 2008:

The following is a foul:



The next time you are presented with such a situation, please respond accordingly and award a penalty kick. Also...




BLOW YOUR FUCKING WHISTLE, YOU USELESS TWAT!

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Refs hate it when you pay your last respects

See this guy? He's an idiot, and yet, he's an idiot with a whistle. This is generally the worst kind of idiot, because he can draw your attention to his imbecility by blowing it loudly. He's also the worst kind because he's normally responsible for ruining sporting events the world over.

In fact, football is 40% skill, 55% physical fitness, and 5% the luck and fortune to have a semi-competent referee. Together with his linesmen, we are frequently witness to a plethora of drooling morons that flash yellow and red cards with wild abandon and wear those little microphones taped to the side of their faces.

Well, following the bad editorial rule that "two instances equals a trend", I bring you this duo of dastardly refereeing decisions, involving heartfelt tributes and referees without a hint of context.

Cold-hearted bastards.

Last Wednesday, Franck Ribery scored the only goal of a boring game with England, from the penalty spot no less, and upon scoring, he removed his shirt to reveal a message on his undershirt:

"For my friend Hicham and M. Gilardi"

It was his way of paying his respects to his close friend who'd died, and also the popular French TV reporter Thierry Gilardi, who was due to work the England/France game but suffered a fatal attack the day before the match.

Of course, the message was nice, but the ref booked him anyway. Bugger.

And then, the EPL continued its Grinch-like rule interpretations during Saturday's Portsmouth/Wigan match. Jermain Defoe scored the first of his two goals in the 32nd minute [eerily enough, the same minute that Ribery scored his penalty], and celebrated by, you've guessed it, removing his shirt and revealing a message of respect to his grandmother who'd passed away four days before the match.

And yes, he got booked too.

I realize it's the set-in-stone mandate from the FA/UEFA/FIFA/whatever that you must issue bookings for excessive celebrations, but for christ's sake, exhibit some fucking context. The referees know what context is, right? If not, I'll happily come over there and show them.

Defoe and Ribery tried to do nice things to honor the memory of deceased friends and family, while Chad Johnson spends his summer afternoons thinking of new ways to get attention after scoring a touchdown.

I can't wait until this happens again, that is supposing that the player with someone to honor can actually score a goal.

It doesn't have the emotional impact if you lift your shirt after taking a throw-in.

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A Slight Stench of a Fix in Japan

At first glance, this weekend's Xerox Super Cup, the curtain raiser for the J-League season in Japan, seems to have been a case of a card-happy referee gone wild. Emperor's Cup winner Hiroshima San Frecce defeated J-League champion Kashima Antlers in a match that featured seven yellow cards, three red cards, a dubious penalty, retakes in the shootout and a pitch invasion.

But Ken Matsushima of The Rising Sun News doesn't think it's bad officiating. He suggests, no, he's convinced that a fix was in. Why? Because he knew the scoreline before the match. Hours before the kickoff, he posted on the message board:

Two possibilities -- a blowout win for the Antlers, or a nailbiter that might even go to PKs
Ill go with the latter. 2-2 in regulation time.

He goes on to explain, "From what I’ve heard, there have been some very large bets in Hong Kong on that score line."

The referee, Masaaki Iemoto has a reputation for being card-happy and being easily rattled. In fact, he developed such a reputation for poor officiating that in late 2006, Japan Football Association actually suspended him and sent him to Hong Kong for retraining.

Now, I'd normally dismiss suggestions of corruption in a case like this - they tend to come from sourgrapey homers or conspiracy theorists who can't fathom that a less talented team can beat a better team on any given day (in this case, the freshly relegated San Frecce knocking off the champs). A 2-2 result would be pretty hard to arrange, and the referee did send off players from both sides. Once you get to penalty kicks, it's a total crap shoot.

But it's not some internet John Doe running his mouth. Matsushima is the author of the one of the widely read English language sites on Japanese soccer, and he didn't just take a wild guess. If we are to take his word (and I don't see why we wouldn't), he knew that it would either be a clean match or a 2-2 draw ending in penalties. That's more than a little freaky.

We're obviously keeping our eye out to see anything comes out of the gambling angle, but in the meantime, enjoy these highlights from Iemoto's officiating career:

In this clip, you'll see the forward lose his balance in the penalty area. Iemoto awards a penalty and books the defender for... something.

Apparently, the #2 in white committed a bookable offense. Try to see exactly what he did, because I can't tell.

A Kawasaki goal against Urawa is disallowed for.. huh?

Later in the same match, the Kawasaki striker (#27) accidentally kicks the Urawa goalkeeper (in blue). The goalkeeper and his teammate attack the Kawasaki striker while he is on the ground, so naturally, the Kawasaki player is sent off while a yellow card is given to the goalkeeper.

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Mark Halsey takes the early lead

Mark Halsey takes the early lead in the Graham Poll Memorial English Referee of the Year 2008 race. In the 24th minute of the Ipswich Town - Portsmouth FA Cup tie, Halsey sent off Liam Trotter for a one-footed challenge that did not even connect. Well, just look at it here

The offense happens at the 1:04 mark, with a couple of clear replays showing the minimal contact.

Halsey's Wikipedia page has taken a slight beating after the incident. Here is the offending paragraph, preserved for posterity:

Although regarded as one of the country's 'elite' referees, he is a complete disgrace. His last match was the FA Cup match between Ipswich and Portsmouth where in the opinion of all in attendance and all of the football analysts who saw it afterwards, he wrongly sent off Liam Trotter for a "lunge" on Pedro Mendes who then proceeded to roll around on the floor like the cheating foreigner he is.

That might seem harsh on Halsey, but even the BBC match report calls him out on it. Halsey blew it, and should have to pay some price for it.

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