Maybe He Just Needs Veneers

FC Porto left back Aly Cissokho's reported €15 transfer to AC Milan has been put on hold due to a hangup in his physical. This is not especially noteworthy, except for the fact that the problem is with his teeth. Seriously. Today is not April 1 and best I can tell nobody is having a laugh at my expense. This transfer is being impacted because of Cissokho's teeth. (rimshot).

This is a perfect story for Rick Reilly and his tooth fetish. Reilly could pull all the teeth jokes out he wanted and then work on a set of dentures. Alright enough. I'll leave the teeth jokes to the master.

Sky Television quotes Milan's chief executive, Adriano Galliani discussing the issue found in the physical and the issues it presents.

"Our doctors found some problems with his teeth which cause muscular trouble, which he has and which could deteriorate."

Muscular trouble? Because of his teeth? Surely he jests.

Apparently not.

After a brief bit of internet research, it appears teeth have been an issue for soccer players in the past.

• Steven Gerrard had his wisdom teeth removed in 2004 in an effort to solve his persistent groin injuries.
• Robin Van Persie and Florent Malouda have had the same procedure as Gerrard for persistent injuries.
• Marcel Desailly blamed his teeth for achilles issues.

So, all you soccer moms and dads out there, make sure to take care of your kids' teeth, lest you want them to have chronic injuries that can only be fixed by going to your local dentist.