Monday Open Thread: Relegation Nation

Adopt the squeaky bum position and join us for a tense afternoon in the EPL and Colaship.

Two games. Four teams. Three in deep doo-doo. One Highlander. Etc.

As you can see above, the lads at George Keeley's have graciously jerry-rigged some bootleg A/V with ESPN360 piped onto a TV. Bigus is currently there, wearing a hole in the floor with his frantic pacing up and down the bar as we await kick-off from Carrow Road.

So yeah, you can watch Norwich/Reading on a computer-destroying ESPN360 should you wish.

Oh, and something about Alan Shearer.

TODAY:
Newcastle v. Portsmouth
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The Bland Alans: Shay Given's Less Talented Replacement, Beye, Coloccini, Bassong, Jose Enrique, Smith, Nicky Butt, Hard-Workin' Duff, Aussie who should retire, Martins, Crocked Midget.
Subs: The Evil Krul!, Barton the Thuggish, Guthrie, Gutierrez, Peter "Peace" Lovenkrands, Edgar, Carroll.

Pompey: Butterfingers James, Glen Johnson, Solololol Campbell, Distin, Hreidarsson, Davis, Belhadj, Hughes, Mullins, The Nuuuug, Man Who Hopes to Have Nachos.
Subs: Begovic, Pennant, Pamarot, Utaka, Cranie, Kanu, Basinas.

With Mike Riley in charge, you can almost smell the botched penalty decision that swings the game dramatically to favour one side. Shearer has done nothing to lift the Magpies whatsoever, so I'm going with a dramatic, agonizing 1-1 draw.

Norwich v. Reading
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Canaries: Marshall, Otsemobor, Shackell, Doherty, Bertrand, Gow, Clingan, Russell, Carney, Lee, McDonald.
Subs: Nelson, Cureton, Lappin, Leijer, Daley

Hooped Spoilers: Hahnemann, Rosenior, Bikey, Duberry, Harding, Cisse, Karacan, Kebe, Little, Kitson, Long.
Subs: Federici, Matejovsky, Doyle, S Hunt, Pearce

No clue here. Narrow, fraught, desperate 1-0 home win via a late goal from a teenager. Or something like that.