Fergie unveils N'Sync 2.0Ranty recap of last night ahead!
The Champions League can be an exciting place. Last night, it wasn't, and we must pray for none of that anti-football this afternoon.
Rafa Marquez was felled by an invisible man and will be out 10 weeks, but the really gruesome injury was suffered by us, the hapless television audience (we won't even mention the horrors witnessed by those actually at the Nou Camp). Yes, Guus Hiddink's side hushed the Catalans and backpassed with aplomb en route to a 0-0 result in which they enjoyed just 29% of possession and managed not to get anyone sent off in a game full of clumsy tackling and casual attack.
Some call it brilliant organization, others call it cynical bus-parkery. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
Barca, for all their offensive might, were equally to blame for their lazy, insouciant performance, leading me to think they felt like scoring a goal were their reward for simply turning up. The overdone flourishes and passing failed, and now, we hope and pray that tonight, either United or Arsenal, or both, will have the stones to shoot at goal every once in a while.
And for today/tonight:
On Arsenal's side: karma, in the shape of news that United have begun their CL victory parade preparations. The gods do love when they get to rain on a parade. What's not on the Gooner's side is good health, as they're still set to miss several key defensive players, including Gibbs, Silvestre, Clichy, Gallas etc etc etc etc etc.
For United, Fergie is toying with the thought of deploying all his strikers at once. It's a tasty thought for those who enjoy goals, although their sturm und drang could backfire as it did for the bad guy in that Robin Williams movie "Toys". If you recall from your acid-taking, bad 90s movie-watching days, the evil General Zevo had all the best toys and weapons, and yet was outdone by Williams, a blond girl, an unconvincing soldier played by LL Cool J, and his reprogrammed sea slug killing machine.
Let's hope for some similar battles tonight. My only request is this: could Arsenal save the whole "beating United at Old Trafford" thing for their imminent EPL match?
Lineups and such after the jump. Use the comments for griping about Howard Webb.
Man United v. Arsenal
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Man United: Van der Sar; Evra, O'Shea, Ferdinand, Vidic; Fletcher, Carrick, Anderson, Ronaldo; Rooney, Tevez.
Subs: Foster, Berbatov, Giggs, Scholes, Park, Rafael, Evans.
Arsenal: Almunia; Sagna, Toure, Sylvestre, Gibbs; Diaby, Song, Fabregas, Nasri; Walcott, Adebayor.
Subs: Fabianski, Eduardo, Denilson, Ramsey, Bendtner, Djourou, Eboue.
I wish it would get to 1:30 already. Sadly, I've already seen this episode of Maury. I blame this fact on Howard Webb.
ReplyDeleteHoward Webb is a member of the Pentaverate. He took over for Col. Sanders
ReplyDeleteI'm considering starting a Howard Webb Admirers' Society...
ReplyDeleteWho's in?!?!?11?!!?1/1?!!1/!!
Since it hasn't been mentioned yet, I might as well say it. Jonny Evans is a rapist.
ReplyDeleteActually, Webb has since apologized, which is something that a) most refs don't do (Mike Riley, come on down), and b) actually honorable.
ReplyDeleteThis does not bode well.
ReplyDelete@Teeknuts - I apologize for being lax. Thanks for providing that.
ReplyDeletewhere the hell is everyone?
ReplyDeleteWaiting for something to happen.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I'm taking Dunkirk in the Derby.
ReplyDeletePinewood? Kentucky?
ReplyDeleteI like the one that sounds like an emo band. Something about wanting revenge.
ReplyDeletethis match is too exciting for me. I need something where one team is playing for a draw
ReplyDeleteI'm taking Selamine in the Kentucky Derby....
ReplyDelete/too soon?
KY. I assume those were the lines going on the Bottom Line when I looked up.
ReplyDeleteNice strong hand there by Almunia.
ReplyDeleteonce again Kieran Gibbs thinks he is Gael Clichy and loses the plot
ReplyDeletegoddammit. Why not try marking for once?
ReplyDeleteThat was a great save. Almunia looks pretty good so far. He couldn't do much against that though.
ReplyDeleteno one on the right side ?WTF?
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing save by Almunia on Tevez.
ReplyDeleteSilvestre the culprit.
ReplyDeletethanks Manny!
ReplyDeleteWell, looks like we've got some football here, or at least two teams committed to playing it.
ReplyDeleteLeast likely O'shea....Nice.
ReplyDeleteOh, Mickael - you are an affront to French defenders everywhere
ReplyDeleteAt least let this be an actual game....
ReplyDeleteTake him out, Fabs.
ReplyDeleteThis doesn't look good. They seem frantic at the back and unable to maintain possession.
ReplyDeleteO'Shea? Am I still drunk?
ReplyDeleteWSR--Yes and yes.
ReplyDeleteSomeone should tell them that, unlike Rugby, hoofing it downfield to the opposition in exchange for field position is not a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI have a bad feeling this could get ugly real quick.
ReplyDeletejape-Almunia had a nice save on (an unmarked) Tevez from 4 yards out. Saved it with a strong pimp-hand and out for a corner. Corner went long, crossed back across, tipped by Silvestre to O'Shea, who buried it high and to the left of Almunia from 6 or so yards out. No Arsenal defender within 3 yards of him.
ReplyDeleteAs I was walking into my 2:00 class I saw some d-bag acting a fool and wearing a ManU jersey. I suspect he doesn't even know they're playing.
ReplyDeleteand you let him walk unmolested?
ReplyDeleteNYK--I may make shit but I still don't want to get fired. My one student who I know is a ManU fan was not wearing any gear as I think he knows I'd fail him if he did.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ü.
ReplyDeleteDid ManU get Champs League merit badges on their shirts?
Come On Arsenal!
During the 2006 WC I told that my students that anyone wearing Italian gear would get an automatic F--
ReplyDeleteYeah, Blatter gave them the badges a couple of months ago.
ReplyDeleteJesus, Almunia can't keep this up.
ReplyDeleteI usually respect people I see wearing football shirts, except for those wearing Spartak or Man U jerseys. I try to subtly flip them the bird
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're not such a bad person, NYK.
ReplyDeleteYou should put that on your syllabus.
ReplyDeleteDid the back 4 all catch Almunia sleeping with their WAGs?
ReplyDeleteplease, any cheating automatically gets blamed on David Trezeguet
ReplyDeleteDOn't know why Tevez is staying down. Did Almunia hurt his studs?
ReplyDeleteThat was ugly for Tevez and Almunia, more so for Tevez cause, well, he's ugly
ReplyDeleteI'd like to kick Tommy Smyth in his auld onion bag.
ReplyDeleteManny is not happy with these defensive shenanigans
ReplyDeleteGet that Argeninian troll off Alumunia... we cannot have Fabianski in there.
ReplyDeleteDid Tevez hurt his cleats on Almunia's face? Get up caveman.
ReplyDelete/kingasm is the verification - sounds enjoyable.
I'd like someone near Connecticut to put Tommy Smyth in an old onion bag and throw him into a river.
ReplyDeleteMust say that's a nice finish for a defender. Bendtner would have missed it.
ReplyDeleteMake up your fucking mind Tommy... "Nasri is invisible in this game" and then he chases down Anderson 60yds and all Tommy can muster is "That's not where they want Nasri".
ReplyDeleteFFS, the only way Tommy would compliment Nasri today is if he had AIG on his shirt.
@Teek: Your avatar sucks. Boooooooo.
ReplyDeleteI kid. I only advocate booing Brad Childress.
Clearly Arsenal are confused as they are consistently passing to red shirts.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Anderson was off.
ReplyDelete@WSR Does anyone in Minnesota actually like Chilly? No one I know does.
ReplyDeleteEither Song or Adebayor needs to get highlights. I can't tell them apart at a wide angle. Leads to a lot of "why the hell is Ade playing so far back?" type thoughts. Maybe Djibril Cisse can help them out.
ReplyDeleteCome on, halftime.
ReplyDeleteSilvestre almost made up for his mistake with a good tackle there.
ReplyDeleteracist.
ReplyDeleteDammit, make a simple pass, Theo.
ReplyDelete@Goat--I knew that was coming.
ReplyDeleteoutstanding hospital ball from Gibbs to Almunia.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe it took that long.
ReplyDeleteDid Tommy just compliment Theo's "flightning speed?"
ReplyDeleteThe one silver lining in the current Clichy injury situation is that we can be certain that Kieran Gibbs isn't fit to carry Gael's jock.
ReplyDelete@Teek: I'd say about 20% of Minnesotans are Chili fans. And in a completely unrelated statistic, I'd say about 20% of Minnesotans moved here from Wisconsin and are Packer fans.
ReplyDeleteI'll at least say this about Arsenal: United had a chance to kill the match and maybe the tie early, but the gunners are still in it.
ReplyDeleteFucking revisionist United history. The first time back to back winners in 'modern era'? The last one was 89/90, I realize it was called a different name then, but in no way shape or form would United be the first.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Arsenal look terrified. French, cornrowed, and scared is no way to go through the Champions League son.
So is every British talking head named Robbie?
ReplyDelete@WSR There is almost nothing I hate as much as seeing a U of M student wear any thing Badger related. The only thing worse is seeing a Sioux jersey, which fills me with white-hot rage.
ReplyDeleteAlmunia has been awesome. That's really the only positive thing I can say. This game sucks so far.
ReplyDeleteSious-Falls Canaries....Get IN.
ReplyDelete@Teek: I'm about a mile from campus right now. You want me to go see if any people need to be ran down? I could take out a few fighting racist mascot fans and be back in my office before the start of the 2nd half.
ReplyDeleteWell said, Georger (French, cornrowed, etc)...
ReplyDeleteOh, and on recommendation from this site, I am reading Awaydays.
ReplyDeleteIt is a challenge for those of us not familiar with late 70's Northern UK slang...
That would be beautiful. I'll always remember the game I was at last year when they started a fight in the handshake line, and Hakstol gave the finger to the ref. They're all thugs.
ReplyDeleteThere is a fucking sea of red shirts in the ManU half.
ReplyDelete@Georger - well, I guess the cornrows are coming out before Baltimore then!
ReplyDeleteArsenal can't even string together 4 short passes. Come On!
ReplyDeleteThis ref's about a thousand times better than the one last night. Of course, it helps when one team doesn't put 11 men behind the ball
ReplyDelete@Natahniel. Well done son, it's a great read. Ping me at the addy on the right with any translation questions.
ReplyDeleteUgh... Arsenal have no ideas for the final 1/3 tonight.
ReplyDeleteI must leave the office once again. When I get home there had better be an Arsenal goal waiting for me on the DVR!
ReplyDeleteI keep getting this horrible feeling it's gonna be a ManU-Spartak final again. It's like a nightmare that never ends.
ReplyDeletewhat's eating Emmanuel Adebayor? SARS? Swine flu? Fatal indifference?
ReplyDeleteMan, that was a great slo-mo Ronaldo tantrum.
ReplyDeleteEven if Ade's shot wasnt 20 feet over the bar it would've hit VDS in the chest.
ReplyDeleteI'm constantly amazed about how ugly Tevez is.
ReplyDeleteOh Sh!t...
ReplyDeletePlease SAF... NOT THE PFA POTY!!!!
OH ITS BENDTNER TIME!
ReplyDelete@hockalees
ReplyDeleteas much as I loathe that team, this appearance is Giggs' 800th for Man United. In any era, that's fucking impressive.
Oh terrific, here come the "Great" Dane.
ReplyDeleteSo...United has a sulking Bulgarian, a douchey Portugeser, an Irish statue, and the PFA POTY all on the pitch right now? How can anyone dream of stopping this team?
ReplyDeleteEveryone's favorite pink-shod Austrian!
ReplyDeleteOr not Austrian...Dane.
ReplyDelete/dumbass
Super Nick!!
ReplyDelete/ready for a heartbreaking miss from 6 yards out.
I love how Tommy groans whenever ManU has near miss.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite Pink-Shoed Austrian is Arnold in "Ballerina Bodyguard." It's possible I only saw that in my head, but either way it was probably better than "Twins"
ReplyDelete@Teeknuts - Who is your daddy and what does he do?
ReplyDeleteI decided to have a look at the Tommy Smythe wiki page (cut/paste)-
ReplyDeleteAlso, a website has been made to ask him to stop talking about Cristiano Ronaldo, a young man with whom he has several bastard children. The oldest is Paul Scholes, then come Wayne Rooney, and the youngest boy is Landon Donovan. SMYTH has also chosen to give up his career as a gay porn actor to allow his children a better life.
Oh Tommy Smith, I do know that there's a petition to have you fired, so I would stop talking about petitions if I were you.
ReplyDeleteTurn and FREAKING SHOOT!!!
ReplyDeleteBendtner with the perfect pass...AGAIN!
ReplyDelete@jape That's one of the best wikipedia pages I've ever seen.
ReplyDeleteEduardo for Bendtner, please.
ReplyDeleteEduardo to go in...
ReplyDeleteYour Soccernet in-game wisdom of the match:
ReplyDelete79'
Bendtner proves how useless he is by collecting a Fabregas ball on the dge of the box before turning and passing to Rooney. Brilliant.
Eduardo! Oh, snap (goes the bone).
ReplyDeleteTS is also credited with "providing all those able to hear with a devastating cancer in the ears."
ReplyDelete/nice.
Nice play by Sagna
ReplyDeleteArsenal has been like Donnie--out of their element.
ReplyDeleteWhats the O/U for stoppage time? 1 min if the score remains 1-0. 4 mins if Arsenal scores?
ReplyDeleteNick could have that same opportunity 17 times and still not put it in the empty net, Tommy.
ReplyDeleteJonny Evans feels like he's wearing nothing at all, nothing at all
ReplyDeleteI'll take The-Rapists for $500, Alex
ReplyDeleteWow, 4 minutes extra. Brave move by the ref.
ReplyDeleteC'mon Arsenal...
ReplyDeleteThe 4th official's dog is already dead. It has Audi rings imprinted on it's side.
ReplyDeleteRonaldo was looking to break someone's leg after he didn't get that call.
ReplyDeleteBefore we are done I want to also get a "Fuck You Tommy" in.
ReplyDeleteNot a horrible result for Arsenal. They might actually have a chance next week, but they would have to play a lot better, considering that they could have lost by 3 or 4.
ReplyDeleteWell.... if you asked me in the 18th minute if I'd take 1-0 I would have said yes.
ReplyDeleteWell, it certainly could have been much worse if not for Almunia. I must say, though, I don't think that shaky back line can keep ManU from scoring again at the Emirates.
ReplyDeleteSomewhat better for neutrals after that shit yesterday but the bar was set pretty low.
ReplyDeleteI figured that we'd see a draw with a few goals today. I'll take it, but a few more for United would have been nicer.
ReplyDeleteWiki has restored the Tommy page. I did make a PDF of it. If anyone cares I dropped it in this public folder.
ReplyDeletehttp://bit.ly/irKsA
So the entire Chicago Red Stars (is that their name?) were at the same bar I was at. Packed. Plus they had the Shiner 100, which I wouldn't get to otherwise sample.
ReplyDeleteBut if there is anyone on the bench equally as bad as Silvestre, then play him. The ball just seems to find him. And it was his freak deflection that put the ball at O'Shea's feet.
Ack. I fucking hate United, but they are just better right now.
Bendtner for Walcott? Great sub or greatest sub?
ReplyDeleteNasri? Fast player or fastest player?
You assholes better deliver next week. Is your preening Russian not available or did Arsene just see fit to not play the hot hand?
Unfortunately, Mr. Photogenic is cup-tied.
ReplyDeleteI had thought it was the same situation with Huntelaar and Diarra. Did he play in the knockout round or something?
ReplyDeleteThat's a shame, could have used his pace over Nasri that's for damn sure.