Unprofessional Foul

We've Moved!!

2009-07-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

Don't touch that, touch this. We've permanently moved to....

www.unprofessionalfoul.com

Please update your URLs, wake the kids, and tell the neighbors.

Tweeting is fun for everyone! (almost)

2009-07-18T08:00:00.001-04:00

Here in the locker room of the Unprofessional Foul, it can be a place that can best be described as 'scuzzy'. Between NY Kid's sobbing into a towel, Spectator taking overly long showers, and general fighting over the last beer in the cooler, a rumble goes on. Over the past week or so, Autoglass and Bigus Dickus have been fighting over the usefulness/uselessness/relevancy of their respective twitters. The biggest issue is over keeping things private vs. not. We're to the point of offering a class at UFU on this topic. Houston Dynamo forward Brian Ching is a person who would have benefited from such classes. Fined for whinging about the ref's call. "Ref in seattle just cheated the dynamo," Ching tweeted. "What a joke. Not even close. Ref is a cheat."

He apologized in two Twitter posts the next morning, blaming "the heat of the moment." Now, he was fined $500 for such a comment. I first thought "wow, that's like a big chunk of his salary. But it's not really. I had to pull out my handy MLS Salary Chart (PDF Warning). He makes $242K this year, or more than what Bigus Dickus will spend on Norwich swag in his lifetime.

The throwdown between Bigus and Autoglass shapes up like a classic east coast/west coast feud: The laid back west coaster who openly tweets about his daily life of being a sad Chelsea fan, and the private rantings of a Norwichian. But reading the arguments over twitter between Bigus and Autoglass, it makes us wonder how a twitter feud between Beckham and Landon would play out:

@PoshBoy: Someone told me that I got dissed by my teammates. wazzup?

@LandonsTime: Ignore those writers, they're selling books.

@PoshBoy: I'm always a great teammate, just ask all my mates.

@LandyCakes: Well, you're a captain and I don't feel right asking.

@PoshBoy: All of my mates loved me.

@LandyCakes: We loved you too. We just needed some dinner, and I forgot my visa.

@PoshBoy: All you need is a bite? Let me ask the missus what I should do.

@LandyCakes: The MLS isn't all bad. We've got Davies and he's a stud.

@PoshBoy: Are you sure?

@LandyCakes: Well, there's me!

@PoshBoy: Yea...gotta run, I need to help Tom and Katie move some meter thing.

Friday Backpasses: This is good fun

2009-07-17T22:58:00.003-04:00

Attenzione: There's a big move happening tomorrow. Commenters may have to re-register with WordPress. Hopefully, everything will go smoothly and the downtime will be minimal.

There is absolutely no chance that Mexico-US will be on ESPN. Sorry [Soccer Insider]
Platini: "If Cristiano cost 92m, when I was 23 I would have cost 93m.” [The Spoiler]
If the above video was too clean cut for you, here's seven minutes of Roy Keane [Dirty Tackle]
Ha ha. Screw you, red half [EPL Talk]
League One map for next season. These are always great [Bill Sports Maps]

Ray Stubbs to ESPN(UK). This is a big deal [Guardian]
Some good, young talent is out there, ready to be snapped up [Premiership Talk]
Ljungberg to stay in Seattle [The Beautiful Game]
Zizou to go to Germany to free Ribery. Will likely surrender instead, but get in a few headbutts first [ONTD_FB]
It's confusing, but there was a Champions League draw today [UEFA]

Finally:
Your TV hopes that Celtic don't make the televised schedule of the Champs League, especially the HD ones [Football Shirt Culture]

FIFA fails to follow Austria's lead

2009-07-17T17:15:00.004-04:00

Kudos to Austria for taking initiative in what will surely be the biggest head-to-head in next year's World Cup, the battle of vuvuzela v. sanity for all the marbles. It's a shame, however, that FIFA won't take such overwhelmingly brilliant action, ignoring all calls for a ban of the tinny, 10-cent trumpets from the tournament.

I feel bad for my remote control, as it's going to be a long summer for my poor, poor mute button.

FIFA's Director of Communications Hans Klaus told reporters the following earlier today: " "That would mean one would have to take away the cow bells from Swiss fans and ban English fans from singing. We approach this in a relaxed manner. I am convinced the vuvuzelas will be a hit at the World Cup. It will be a World Cup with African sound."To be (gasp) fair to FIFA for a minute, he's absolutely right. As frustrating and irritating as the vuvuzela can be, we have no right to march into South Africa and pluck their proud cultural artifact from their hands in order to have a nice, clean, non-threatening tournament, though the temptation is tough to resist.

Still, FIFA got their analogies wrong. It wouldn't be like banning the English from singing, but banning them from getting rip-roariously drunk in a foreign country and destroying everything in sight.

Come Blow Your Horn, Just Not That One.

2009-07-17T15:00:00.002-04:00

I know what you are thinking... Heidi took the picture.

Austria is banning the Vuvuzelas that invaded the Confederations Cup last month. That's rich for a country known for the love of blowing giant horns! But it's not the noise that the Austrians are worried about. One of their reasons is quite frankly bollocks. The other makes perfect sense.

So what's the reason? Apparently the Austrian professional football league says that the famous bee sounding horns "can be used as projectiles. Furthermore, they can incite aggressive behaviour amongst other fans."

No shit...Right, on those grounds I demand that the foam finger also be outlawed as I was poked in the eye once while a small child celebrated a goal against Stockport County and I am sure that could also happen in Austria. Also they will need to ban tea, apart from being housed in a dangerous plastic missile, the t-bags can be thrown at players or security staff. Oh no people. I have seen it. QPR away, that's what they got for selling the beverage cold!

In fact you would have to ban all items from coming in, money is a much more dangerous missile than a light weight plastic trumpet surely? Lets also ban that. Oh that's right, no money? No beer, burgers, pies, or replica kits. can't have that.

Culture? Not mine. I don't want my elders to travel across the country for a visit, thanks!

While Austria are certainly creative with one of their excuses,(it's a pretty shit missile) the second claim has validity. That's 'inciting aggressive behaviour'. The vuvuzela is as irritating as being sat on a bus full of mosquito's while small children sing the hokey pokey with Elmo. These trumpets, horns, plastic demons need to be stopped. The one tone drone that emits from the nasty buggers would turn a saint to sin. Personally if I ever find myself next to someone who is blowing one, I will react with a violence usually reserved for an episode of Friday night Smackdown. If I had my way, I'd make the ban law. Offenders would be locked in a bee filled chamber while I practice heavy metal classics with a Kazoo. See how they like it, bastards.

Well done Austria. Let's hope the rest of the World can follow suit.

Quick Throw: The Swap is Confirmed.

2009-07-17T14:30:00.001-04:00

That hilarious swapsies deal this morning between Inter Milan and Barcelona is actually happening! It's Ibrahimovic to the Nou Camp and Samuel Eto'o to the San Siro. No word yet whether other players are involved.

This summer is insane. Why are so many top-end players changing hands?

Fox Attack!

2009-07-17T14:00:00.003-04:00

View Larger Map
Not pictured: The fox farm behind Tannadice (right)

Dundee FC play at Dens Park, the ground to the left in the above picture [unless a) I've failed at embedding correctly or b) you've gone ahead and messed around with the map]. If, in the future, Google Maps updates to a satellite photo taken in the last month or so, you'll notice something quite different about the pitch condition.

A family (den?, nest?, fleet?) of foxes have taken over the stadium at nights causing a fair bit of damage to the pitch. The foxes apparently enter at night and have dug up the area in front of the goalmouths and urinated all over the pitch, killing the grass in spots.

The club have admitted to a minor defeat in getting rid of the foxes, erecting temporary fencing around the goalmouths, to be removed for matches, until they can get around to removing the invaders--sometime next year. Yes, there are forms to be filled out and people to be contacted. Those people can't get here until Tuesday, and DFC will be totally out of town that day. DFC will then try to reschedule and the process will begin anew, until 2010.

Actually, there has been no mention of exactly when the pest control people will be able to address the problem, but for now the club is looking at starting the season with the temporary fencing in place, and possible prayers to keep the foxes out. In the meantime, new turf has been laid at the stadium to cover the problem dead spots, a move which in no way will be defeated by new fox urine on the pitch.

Intriguingly, this is not the only recent pest infestation in Dens Park, and the foxes may have been attracted to the stadium because of the last one. Dens Park used to be a playground for rabbits, and the lingering scent of the rabbits is thought to have attracted the foxes in the first place. Quote Dens Park Stadium Manager Jim Thompson: "We used to have a rabbit problem, but the foxes seem to have solved that. Maybe we need a bigger predator now to deal with the foxes." As the fine fellow at Sports Rubbish points out, next summer, expect Dens Park to be overrun by lions, and then reanimated velociraptors the season after that.

Somewhat surprisingly, there has been no mention of anything untowards happening at Tannadice, home of Dundee United, across the street from Dens Park. The conspiracy theorist in me would like to think that fans of the Terrors actually introduced the foxes into their rival's home, but that appears to be unfounded. For now, at least.

Also, I avoided any jokes about the name of Dundee's stadium and the type of home foxes make. If you would like, try out your best one liner in the comments.

He's Baaaaaaaack!

2009-07-17T11:30:00.001-04:00

Football management can lead to stress, but Pardew clearly fancies some more of that as SFC start on -10 points.

First of all, Southampton were saved from impending doom. A white knight riding a sterling stallion stormed St Mary's saving the day and now they have a new manager they will hope can take them forward. Alan Pardew was today installed at the south coast club and charged with not only overcoming a 10 point deficit but with getting the Saints promoted from League One.

Pardew has signed a 3 year deal and I can see him being there at least 3 years, with relegation being the only issue that could get in the way of a lengthy stay. The Saints realize they need to re-build and next season will be all about avoiding the drop and finishing in a decent position. Anything more will be a bonus. Liebherr doesn't appear to be in a rush, (unlike Norwich) to bounce back to the Colaship and Pardew will get time. A rarity in football these days. Saints fans are just grateful to be still in the game after a summer of administration. Norwich fans are still pissed and all associated with the club will be expecting to bounce right back up.

Southampton's new owner is clearly excited at the prospect of working with his new manager...

"Alan has a strong track record and impressed us with his vision, commitment and ambition. We look forward to working with him." -Markus Liebherr

So let's have a look at that 'strong track record' shall we?

After 299 appearances as a player for Palace and Charlton, Pardew's first step on the managerial ladder came at Reading. He had been in charge of the reserve team and was promoted to manager in 2000. In his first season, Reading made the play-off final but lost out to Walsall. The following year Reading won the league and were promoted to the Colaship (Division 1 back then).

An impressive campaign in Division 1 and a fourth place finish had many teams keeping an eye on his progress. He moved to West Ham in 2003 after resigning from Reading. In his second season at Upton Park, he gained promotion to the EPL.

In 2006, a four-nil defeat to Bolton saw Pardew sacked. West Ham had been on their worst losing streak for 70 years. Two weeks later he took over at Charlton Athletic. They were relegated from the EPL but didn't expect Pardew to save them, they were planning to bounce back. Two years later and Charlton were no closer to a return. He was canned early last season and Charlton never recovered, staying rooted to the bottom of the league and hurtling towards League One were they will start next season.

Saints have some good young players for Pardew to work with, like Adam Lallana above.

Pardew has a lot of experience at this level and works well with young players, of which Southampton have many. They also have some experienced players and I can see them doing well next year. Pardew's first game in charge of his new side will be at home to Millwall on August 8th.

Zimbabwe, Aiming to be Africa's Peru

2009-07-17T10:30:00.001-04:00

Malaysia booked a friendly against England only to have the FA send a Gillingham side to masquerade as the Three Lions.

Substitute 'Zimbabwe' for 'England' and 'Monomotapa' for 'Gillingham' and that's pretty much what happened to Malaysia.

Although you probably have to also swap out "Three Lions" for something. And to be fair to the analogy, nobody would have been able to tell the difference between the English National team and a third division side but yeah, Zimbabwe tried slip all of Malaysia a mickey.

In the scandalous affair, Monomotapa did not only pose as the National team, but also played their two games using the national team’s colours. Now the Football Association of Malaysia is accusing ZIFA of lacking respect and questionable integrity after it was duped into believing Monomotapa were the Zimbabwe national team.

Lacking respect? No shit. This is the same FA whose chief is open about having her way sexually with national team players.

Incidentally, she—Henrietta Rushwaya—is still the head of the country's FA. And she was totally cool with it saying of the Malaysians, "Let them eat crappy club teams."

That's a little cooler than her actual quote, but not much less bizarre as she tapped Monomotapa for the trip after realizing the two-match tilt "would not be of benefit to the Warriors as they do not have any immediate assignments."

So it's not enough for Rushwaya to screw her own players, and now she feels the need to screw over entire countries. This actually corresponds with ZIFA by-laws that are based on the operating tenet of "Eh, if we're not going to get much out of it, let's dick over the other guys."

Rushwaya added a verbal shoulder shrug in sort of defending both the organization and the club: "Whilst it is not right to use the national colours, we cannot stop anyone from using the kit."

This is actually pretty awesome. You and your 10 best friends are now the Zimbabwe national soccer team.

Anyway, Monomotapa lost the first match 4-0 to the 157th-FIFA-ranked Malaysian squad before salvaging some ~~national~~ club pride in a 1-0 victory.

Swap Shop. Who Gets The Better Deal?

2009-07-17T09:15:00.000-04:00

A Friday morning quickie. Inter Milan and Barcelona are currently discussing a swap deal that will send Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Barca and Samuel Eto'o the other way. Personally I think Ibrahimovic is highly over rated and disappears during big games, bagging goals for fun against lesser opponents in the Italian league. But hey, that's just me. So lets have a Friday morning vote. Who is getting the better deal, out of this er..deal...Barcelona or Inter Milan?

Who is getting the better deal, Barcelona or Inter Milan?(survey)

Thursday Backpasses: What's this?

2009-07-16T22:15:00.002-04:00

Two words that immediately send my head into song. Oh, and there's something over there -->

Arsenal invite 15 year old Montenegrin to trial. Sounds exactly right [Sky Sports]
New Jersey reporter rips on Becks [100 Percent Soccer]
Sepp Blatter falls. You'll watch and laugh [World Cup Blog]

Iker Casillas has a hot new squeeze [ONTD_FB]
How Seattle Sounders attendance would stack up around the world [The Offside]

Finally:
An honest look at the state of growing soccer in America [TIAS]

MLS Liveblog: NY Red Bulls v. LA Galaxy

2009-07-16T19:44:00.062-04:00

So exactly what can we expect tonight? Which Beckham will show up, and perhaps more importantly, which Donovan? They blab in the media (well, tellingly, only Becks did) about how they've patched up their differences, but the only way to know for sure is by examining the drivel put forth on the pitch.

Mercifully for the Galaxy, they get to ease Becks back into the league with a soft fixture against one of the worst teams in the league. Seriously, the Red Bulls have managed 2 wins, 13 defeats and 4 draws this season. And to think the RBNY got this bad the old-fashioned way, with a colossally hilarious string of poor personnel decisions, instead of overpaying one washed-up marquee name whose salary then crippled the franchise!

Wait... does Juan Pablo Angel count?

But I digress. The song above may or may not be a reasonable glimpse inside the mind of Los Angeles' two tortured souls, both figuring out a way to make the next 3 months tolerable. A win would make for a happy start.

15 mins to kickoff: Seriously, this is going to be awesome. FSC is running interviews with Beckham and Wahl in the pregame. Personally, I can't listen to this stuff anymore right now, even though I've been blogging about the right-sided midfielder all frickin' weekend.

10 mins to kickoff: And Beckham is full of shit. He knew this project wouldn't take a year or two years. He's in it for the long haul. Just fucking leave already!

Footage of the Columbus Crew visiting Barack Obama. Wonderful.

@Spectator - the Pele Scale! We should enlighten the masses as to our ingenious invention.

5 mins to kickoff: Grant Wahl pitchside for an interview! He reckons US soccer needs a good controversy, so why not something he started with the league's most iconic, misunderstood player? And no, he's not surprised that Donovan spoke as much as he did. So glad he did, too.

Predictions for the game? Score? Scorers? What will Beckham do? Donovan?

3 mins to kickoff: The Red Bulls will assume the position shortly. They are an awful, awful team. I'm thinking LA will win big, maybe 3-0 or so, and their victory will act as one of many impending false dawns for this team. OH GOD SHUT UP MAX BRETOS. My filter is on the fritz. For anyone interested, it's not so much a TV filter but an icepick lodged in my right ear, perforating the drum and making Bretos only half-intelligible amid the bleeding and pain.

2 mins to kickoff: That said, the other commentator noted that LA haven't won in "New York" since 2000. Maybe I should revise my prediction. Kickoff! Next!

LINE-UPS
-----
NEW YORK (4-4-2): Cepero - Pacheco, Sassano, Petke, Hall - Rojas, Celades, Stammler, Zimmerman - Kandji, Angel.
Subs: Wolyniec, Krupnik, Smith, Richards, Ubiparipovic.

LOS ANGELES (4-1-3-2): Ricketts - Dunivant, Berhalter, Gonzalez, Delagarza - Miglioranzi - Donovan, Lewis, Beckham - Eskandarian, Buddle.
Subs: Sanneh, Klein, Magee, Gordon, Kirovski.

Nice to see Becks and Landy split on separate wings, presumably to keep them as far as possible from one another lest they gripe and grumble about one another within earshot of one another.

Let us do this! Peeeeeeeeep!

LA Galaxy in blue, NY Red Bulls in white.

1 min: The "grass" is wet, as LA are first to experience its slipperiness. Sassano had slipped, allowing the ball to trickle towards Eskandarian, but cover was there to save the day.

Early, early pressure down at RBNY's end. Big surprise! At least the atmosphere is feisty and loud.

3 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and a slice of fried goal from Alecko Eskandarian!!! A fairly innocuous ball forward finds the striker, he nods it ahead into space, and nary a Red Bull has the wings to shut him down. And so, from 25 yards with Luke Sassano impersonating a traffic cone, Eskandarian has a crack on the volley and it rip-roars past Danny Cepero.Top corner shot. Hilarious start for the Red Bulls. NY Red Bulls 0, LA Galaxy 1

The crowd remains unbowed despite the early dagger blow to the chest. LA are still setting the tempo in midfield, but the Red Bulls get something going down the right with Zimmerman and Hall, but Hall's cross floats kindly into Ricketts' grasp.

7 mins: I spoke too soon! RBNY make some progress down the right, Angel nips behind his marker and fires a shot from a narrow angle that Ricketts shins out for a corner. Good effort from Juan Pablo.

What's hilarious early (besides the RBNY concept of "man-marking") is the state of the pitch. No-one can remain on their feet! Players slipping left and right! I thought this is why Adi Dassler did what he did in the 1950s with removable studs.

9 mins: Awful defending by RBNY, tumbling and falling to keep out a string of Galaxy crosses into the box. Eventually they clear to Beckham 20 yards out, and his shot is easily blocked.

OUCH. Berhalter gets a yellow for completely decimating Kandji. The defender's lucky he got there just early enough to avoid a red.

11 mins: Angel's nothing if not persistent. He leaps high in the box and nods for goal from the edge of the box. Woulda snuck under the bar but Ricketts was ready for it.

Much better from RBNY, as Kandji's passing is wonderfully accurate. The move breaks down on the right as Zimmerman gets crowded out, and once the ball comes back to the left again, Rojas attempts his own Eskandarian special from fully 40 yards but Ricketts catches it on the line.

13 mins: This sodden, skid-inducing excuse for a pitch is causing all sorts of sloppiness. If it's not the ball bouncing strangely, it's the Keystone Kops-esque hilarity of everyone falling over themselves.

Still, RBNY amp up the pressure from a throw-in. Rojas pushes it in from the left, it's pinged out to Angel, and he slips Zimmerman free on the right. His cross misses the man in the middle, and Rojas' 2nd cross is snatched from the sky by Ricketts.

16 mins: Donovan and Beckham have linked up nicely a couple of times thus far. Oh, the healing power of winning. Plenty of room for both sides down the flanks as well, but so far, Donovan's been everywhere. Tracking back down the right, galloping down the left, popping up in the middle... you name it, he's done it.

17 mins: Hall pummels a cross into the stands after working hard to get clear down the right wing. Arena will be encouraged by his workrate, but dismayed by his Pennant-esque inability to cross the ball.

20 mins: This Kandji fellow is wreaking havoc up top. In fact, he only needs to stand still and trap the ball while defenders foul him left and right, and it's Berhalter again, tumbling into his back for no discernible reason. Needs to be careful after that early yellow... free-kick RBNY, 20+ yards out.

... and Rojas almost knocks it in! His cheeky chip over the wall takes a deflection and loops agonizingly this wide of the post with Ricketts, a former cricketer (thanks for that, BRETOS), beaten. Then, RBNY resumes normal service in wasting their corner kick.

24 mins: Great chance to double their lead! Donovan wins a footrace down the right wing and turns in a dangerous cross. With Buddle threatening, Mike Petke sticks out a leg and touches it behind for a corner. Great defending. LA's corner amounts to nothing.

26 mins: Beckham's been quiet. In fact, I don't even know where he is on the pitch as Donovan appears to be the new right winger. Oh wait, a free kick for LA some 40 yards out, there's Beckham behind the ball. Phew. He swerves one in but it's headed clear.

28 mins: No Bretos, Beckham is not dangerous from a free-kick 45 yards out and right against the touchline. Eskandarian gets a yellow for fouling someone or something.

30 mins: Take a breath, Red Bulls fans. The home team still knows how much you love them without the continual screaming.

Chance for LA! Eskandarian beats the offside trap but breaks his run so Donovan can sprint onto it. His cross is long to Lewis, and his shot is blocked.

31 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and the Red Bulls just don't learn, do they? Beckham swings in a corner, it's cleared as far as Landon Donovan some 20 yards out, and it's his turn to Eskandarian the living daylights out of the ball, catching it sublimely on the volley and snorting it past an absolutely helpless Danny Cepero. He was grabbing nothing but the night sky. Gorgeous goal, high-fives all round for LA, and I think I'll retract my revised prediction and stick with the original 3-0 scoreline. NY Red Bulls 0, LA Galaxy 2

32 mins: I feel bad for Angel. He is a man without a team, really. Under pressure of a double-team at the edge of the box, all he can do is shoot weakly at Ricketts due to the lack of support in the middle.

34 mins: Hard foul in the midfield, and Becks has a free-kick to bend from 25 yards out...

... but it takes a deflection off Mo Kandji and dies mid-air. LA press again down the left wing this time, winning another corner. Beckham waltzes over to the RBNY section to take. Pacheco heads it clear, and Kandji is drowned out by a double-team in midfield. No love for RBNY currently, illustrated by Rojas letting a simple pass bobble up off his shin and out for an LA Galaxy throw. Poor stuff.

36 mins: The Red Bulls are just awful. Shockingly awful. Can they just delete the team and start over again? Bring back the Metrostars! Tony Meola!

37 mins: Coach Osorio should just put 6 at the back in order to relieve some embarrassment of his statues in midfield. Beckham comes inside and plays a swanky no-look pass to Eskandarian, who jogs some 30 yards before shooting and shaving some metal off the top of the crossbar with his effort. Can anyone on that Red Bull squad close a man down? Some positively USA v. Italy defending there. Donovan must be having deja vu.

Then, mild excitement at the other end as Kandji just misses out on a low cross by Hall from the right. And Bretos needs to learn to control himself because WE CANNOT HEAR WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DESCRIBE IF YOU ARE YELLING INTO THE MICROPHONE THAT YOU'RE HOLDING LESS THAN AN INCH FROM YOUR MOUTH.

40 mins: Donovan's toying with RBNY down the right, eluding a couple of challenges before Petke lowers the boom and nicks possession. Free-kick anyways on the right side. Duh Becks to take, but it's headed away by Sassano.

42 mins: Long-distance shooting for all! All of it rubbish, too. Kandji is trying to spark something for the home side, but he's one man against eleven.

AND A SERIES OF STUNNING SAVES BY RICKETTS! How did Rojas not bury that rebound? Ricketts dives to his right to keep out the initial shot by I-forget-who, but the danger lurks as Rojas is first to the loose ball and somehow rifles his shot right at Ricketts' legs. The goalie's block was enough to turn it around the post. If he'd have passed it a foot to his right, Angel would have had an open goal. When things aren't going your way, they're really not going your way.

44 mins: Sorry, had a Bretos moment there. My apologies. To tone down the hyperbole, Ricketts made two wonderful saves in quick succession.

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL from absolutely nothing! And my score prediction from the pregame looks positively prescient! Landon Donovan gets the ball on the right, loops it across the edge of the box to a wide-open Eddie Lewis on the left side, and he volleys low, beating Cepero with the awkward bounce. Simply easy stuff for the Galaxy, and it's all coming from Donovan, really. Becks must feel great, both to be winning but also to be playing second fiddle for the night. NY Red Bulls 0, LA Galaxy 3

HALF TIME: NY Red Bulls 0, LA Galaxy 3
Just about everything going the Hollywood way so far. The Galaxy looked relatively untroubled at the back, though the Red Bulls should have scored late on via Rojas. Beckham and Donovan are so gonna hug in the dressing room, and it's the mouthy American leading the charge on the pitch.

Now to go draw the winner of that Grant Wahl book a few people here and there have been talking about! Back shortly!

Drum Roll..... The winner of a copy of The Beckham Experiment as chosen at random is.... Kopper! Email us at the address so we can match you up with your prize. Sorry Goat. We will have another competition soon-ish, with more books to give away!

Re: this game... full-time can't come soon enough.

And we're back!

This is really the first time this season the LA Galaxy scored more than two goals in a game? Amazing.

46 mins: Buddle gets bundled over by Hall, giving Beckham a free-kick 20-odd yards out. He curls it into the box, it bobbles around a bit, it's knocked over for a corner.

Becks pumps it to the far post, and Donovan's wide open. Brimming with confidence, he cracks a volley but it's always spinning wide.

49 mins: Angel wins a free kick in typical Angel, hustle/bustle style. Kandji heads for goal from the cross, but it's never threatening Ricketts.

50 mins: The color commentator hints that comebacks are possible from 3-0 down, and he namechecks Liverpool v. Milan in 2004/05. Then he has the sense to correct himself, saying that the NY Red Bulls are not exactly Liverpool.

Corners corners corners for the Red Bulls, but nothing doing.

52 mins: Another free-kick for LA in the midfield, an area they've absolutely dominated. Oh, and I missed a wicked volley from Rojas a few minutes ago that gave Ricketts a scare. Aside from that shot, Rojas has been crap today. Same for Delagarza, Zimmerman and Petke/Stammler.

Seeing a banner on the sideline reminded me: how on earth did the Red Bulls make the MLS Cup final last year?

54 mins: Anything else on TV right now?

As much as it pains me to say, Donovan's been superb tonight. Energetic, always looking to get involved, never afraid to track back, and dangerous moving forward. He's the USA's Rooney, who in turn is the English Dirk Kuyt, much like Ji-Sung Park is the South Korean Kuyt. Conversely, Beckham's been quiet and subdued but has done his part when asked. As I thought, he's been good from the dead ball but very little else. Not mailing it in already, surely.

@The Fan's Attic -- sadly, not really if I remember correctly. People came out to witness the circus, and have done so with little vitriol. The odd smattering of boos and hisses when he's over in their section to take corners, but that's about it.

I do rate Mo Kandji though. Good workrate, decent enough trickery in possession, and fast. Would do well in the Colaship. Menacing not just because of his stature, but because he can play the ball well.

59 mins: The game is lulling, but you wouldn't know it from the crowd who are still in full song. USL liveblog tomorrow night. Anyone interested?

@The NY Kid -- no clue. I'm assuming he'd cry off anyway.

Angel wins another corner for RBNY, it's wasted, but then a lovely deep cross from the left lands on Celades' head, but he can only guide it right into Ricketts' stomach. Good chance, that.

@The NY Kid -- careful, people will think you're weird for answering your own question there.

62 mins: Lovely link-up play by Donovan and Eskandarian, but the final pass isn't there and RBNY clear.

Sub for the Red Bulls: Celades off, Dane Richards on.

64 mins: Corner for LA as Buddle bedazzles Petke before the defender regains awareness and toe-pokes it away. Eddie Lewis whips the inswinger into the crowd, but Donovan pushes with too much gusto and concedes a free-kick.

66 mins: Angel is flustered again, as his hard work and industry is squandered by a team-mate. It's sub Dane Richards' turn to disappoint, straying offside to receive Angel's pass following a lovely spin off his marker.

68 mins: The Galaxy are content to let RBNY pass it from side to side without really moving forward or threatening. The Galaxy counter with Donovan (he's everywhere!), who releases Buddle on the right side of the box. His thunderous shot is blocked by Cepero (I'm surprised it didn't kill him, unless the balls are a bit flat and thus making more noise than they should) for a corner, and Buddle can't get on the end of Klein's deep cross.

Sub for LA: Beckham off, Birchall on. Mixture of boos and cheers, few drinks containers hurled in his direction as he trots off, clapping and smiling all the way. He then salutes the crowd from the bench. Always playing the PR game. Always looking for photo ops. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced Beckham is just some soccer-playing Manchurian Candidate.

71 mins: Sub for NY: Zimmerman off, Ubiparipovic on.

An LA counter gives Eskandarian a great shooting chance, but it's right at Cepero. Lovely one-touch soccer by the Galaxy moving forward. Before that, Ricketts came a mile off his line for some reason but is beaten to the ball by Richards, who twists and turns but can't shoot through all the bodies.

Another sub for LA: Eskandarian off, Magee on.

75 mins: RBNY again shoot themselves in the foot, ruining some great positive build-up by wandering offside. Lazy. I was just about to note how they have been a little unlucky with this scoreline having created some golden scoring chances. Then again, they also defend about as well as the French, so I can't show too much pity.

Angel tries to get a good position on a cross from the right, but he's swarmed by three Galaxy defenders. The guy gets no help whatsoever.

78 mins: Bretos allows himself to indulge in some gooey, dreamy-eyed fantasies about what might happen if the Galaxy win all of MLS and every MLS anything ever, and whether it'd be enough to convince Beckham to stay. Short Answer: No. England won't pick him from all the way over here.

Sub for RBNY: Kandji off, Wolyniec on.

83 mins: Bretos is talking about Argentine soccer. Yet another league, MLS included, that Bretos knows nothing about. He just likes to roll his 'r's when pronouncing all those team names. Douche.

84 mins: The live-action equivalent of this at the moment:

86 mins:

Spoke too soon! Wolyniec taps it in with Ricketts beaten, but the ref calls it back for a handball by Gonzalez and demands RBNY take a penalty instead! Let's hope they miss! It'd be hilarious!

87 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and a rare smile for Juan Pablo Angel tonight. He sends Ricketts the wrong way on the penalty. And I'm thoroughly pissed that my score prediction is now incorrect. NY Red Bulls 1, LA Galaxy 3

89 mins: As you were, folks. It's been a rather quiet second half, which was to be expected. The dream return for Beckham, because people tend to gloss over the backstabbing, doublespeak and general lack of commitment when the team is winning.

90 mins + 1: ANOTHER PENALTY FOR THE RED BULLS! BUT ANGEL MISSES IT! Gonzalez commits another handball in the box, but Angel rushes his take and Ricketts gets enough on it to kiss it off the post and back into his arms. Absolutely hilarious way to end this game.

FULL TIME: NY Red Bulls 1, LA Galaxy 3
Wonderful stuff for LA, who were aided by a monstrous effort from Donovan, and some sharp counter-attacking, in their win. Becks and Donovan share a split-second loose embrace after the whistle, and maybe it'll be all smiles at the Home Depot Center from now on.

T-Minus 2 Hours

2009-07-16T18:07:00.004-04:00

Until the fun at Giants Stadium. Join me for a liveblog, won't you? The beer is cold, the chips and pretzels are all kinda neatly arranged in bowls to keep them separate (hate snack-mixing), and the TV is ready and equipped with a brand-new Bretos Filter to tune out the inanity.

I'll be here from 7.45 to follow along tonight's MLS tilt between RBNY and LAG, thus concluding our MLS coverage until next season.

Oh, and I'll generate some fake suspense in announcing the winner of that Grant Wahl book at halftime. Catch the excitement! Who will get a book for free!?!? WHO WILL IT BE!??!?!

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire.

2009-07-16T16:23:00.019-04:00

Nice house mate! Sheikh Mansour's gaff. His boy's are in town for a visit.

You may remember way, way, way back to lunchtime today when Lingering Bursitis told you that the Manchester Arabia squad had received expensive Franck Muller watches from team owner, Sheikh Mansour. We all muttered extravagant bastards and sighed. Well, Manchester Arabia are now calling BS on the story's originators, the Sun and they are taking legal action.

The official Arabia website states...

Manchester City can confirm that the story in The Sun newspaper this morning claiming that our players visiting Abu Dhabi had been given expensive watches by Sheikh Mansour is a fabrication.
The club is pursuing the matter legally and will do so in the most robust fashion possible.

It then goes on to tell us how nice they players are being by visiting kids etc, etc, blah blah blah.

If the Sun did in fact make the story up they could be in serious trouble. Not as if this opponent is short of a few quid to spend on lawyers is it?. Especially when they are prepared to splash 20 million on a future bench warmer. Talking of Roque Santa Cruz, he was apparently spending today 'fulfilling a host of engagements on behalf of new club sponsors Etihad."

Manchester Arabia are ~~on holiday~~ training in Abu Dhabi ahead of travelling to South Africa for a ~~holiday~~ tour.

Gold Cup Tin Cup Offer

2009-07-16T15:30:00.004-04:00

It's obvious from the teaser that we received that CONCACAF wants a full house for their Gold Cup quarter final matches in Philadelphia this weekend.

How would you go about ensuring the crowd will arrive? I mean, the Phillies are out of town, and nothing else is happening, other than going to the beach and drinking beer while the sprinkler washes over them (it's Philly right?). Let's push those unsure fans over the tipping point by .... giving folks five dollars off of a ticket! (using the secret code "GOLDPASS").

Woo Hoo! Let's Party!

Tickets start at $25 and run up to $75, and they seem to have plenty tickets available at the $75 price from my probing of the ticketmaster site. But you know that no ticket price is really what's listed because the Offical Ticket Sponsor of Unprofessional Foul (tm), Ticketmaster, is involved.

That $5 savings will sure come in handy, after the $10.10 "convenience charge" plus the $3.50 processing fee + $2.50 for the "joy" of printing the tickets out on my printer. That's the "ease" and "convenience" they like to tout. "Ease" and "convenience" should be the name of the fists that show up to pummel us, the consumer, into helpless submission.

We all understand what Pearl Jam went through, though those crazy Seattle idealists felt they could take them down. Ticketmaster is like the La Cosa Nostra of the event world. They get their vig, regardless of what happens. They don't even smile, or give us a reach-around during the transaction.

What else could we spend that $5 on? How much is a beer at Lincoln Field? Maybe that $5 will get you on your way to being inebriated. Or maybe we can 'make it rain' on Landycakes? I mean, they had time out of their practice to fly to Los Angeles to pick up the their award for "best underdog win by a bunch of posers".

Wear This Or Else!

2009-07-16T14:15:00.002-04:00

Where's your kit? What kit? This facking kit!

Nah, listen up you slags. You'd betta buy this ere West 'Am shirt or else.

Q: What's the best way to promote your shirt if you are a club from East London, the home of real gangsters?

A: Hire a fake one!

Movie land hard man (and West Ham fan) Ray Winstone is the new face of West Ham's new kit. What a way to reinforce the old East Laaandon stereotype. The cockney actor, famous for playing tough gangsters and hard man 'types' in movies such as Sexy Beast, Nil by Mouth and Scum, jumped at the chance to show his true colours.

Not so sure about the checkered look. Not half as nice as my lot's new away shirt. Why's that you ask? Cos I said so slags, and I'm the daddy of ~~B wing~~, er UF wing, er here.

Click here to see Winstone earning his reputation in his most famous scene. Beware of NSFW language and a rather unpleasant racist attitude.

The new West Ham shirt is available from the 30th July.

Beckham Speaks Again!

2009-07-16T13:15:00.000-04:00

In just two brief days, I reckon Beckham's undone all that dubious goodwill work with kids and Zinedine Zidane that we kept getting emails about (more on that soon...). Yesterday was that EPL comment about how he'd play anywhere, just give him a ring someone and he'll do it, etc.

Then, he and Grant Wahl had a little donnybrook during a far-from-routine presser ahead of his season debut at the Red Bulls, which I'll totally be liveblogging by the way (beginning at 7.45pm. Bring the dip, I got the chips!).

Well, today saw him hide behind the England manager as justification for his continual want-away-ness. I mean, it's not his fault he needs to play anywhere but in Los Angeles.

It was Fabio! Fabio told him to!

Cue the "well if Fabio told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?" jokes, but seriously, let's look at what he said and then make fun of him.

Leading up to the World Cup, the England manager has made it very clear to me that I need to be playing at a European level." (regarding playing for England) I will do everything possible. I'll always regret it if I didn't do everything to give myself a chance to be involved in that. At the moment, my priority is the rest of the season and also playing and keeping in every squad for England and representing my country. Going forward, of course I want to be involved in the World Cup. I've not hidden that fact."

That's of course assuming that you're going to be included in the World Cup squad. I mean, you're not getting any younger and you're becoming a little one-dimensional on the right wing, having been supplanted by the likes of Walcott and Lennon as a more agile, spritely option.

Would it kill you to just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the LA Galaxy for even five minutes? Tomorrow, I await the presser where he claims God came to him in a dream and implored him to move to Barcelona immediately.

UPDATE What do you get for the overpaid footballer who has everything?

2009-07-16T12:00:00.004-04:00

If you're a Citeh player, you're probably wearing yours right now!

Imagine you're Carlos Tevez, or Gaz Baz. You've just signed an absurd contract in moving to Citeh, new home of all that is evil and wrong with soccer etc etc etc etc, and you're meeting the gold-encrusted Sheikh Mansour whose money is bankrolling your hair gel expenditures.

The Sheikh is a nice man, and as if those cushy pay packets weren't enough, allegedly he's only gone and gotten you all limited edition Franck Muller watches worth 168,000 pounds each!

What a guy! Imagine what he'd buy you for Christmas if he celebrated the holiday.

Allegedly, the entire team was greeted in a fancy, swanky reception in Abu Dhabi, a pit stop before they head to South Africa for some pre-season friendlies in Durban and Polokwane. Staying in the five-star Emirates Palace Hotel, the team got a taste of the good life, although they might want to mail the watches directly home instead of taking them with, amirite?

Not much more to this story other than this being a harbinger of greedier, money-driven times to come (seriously, if Citeh win any kind of trophies this season I'll vomit), although I did like this quote from a "club source".. I'm guessing it's Mark Hughes: "Manchester City's players are now the most pampered on earth, and they were greeted like kings."

If Adebayor and John Terry somehow manage to talk themselves out of the lucre, I'll be absolutely fucking amazed.

**UPDATE** Manchester City claims that The Sun's story is false and will be pursuing legal action against it. In that case, let me just throw an allegedly in here.

Samuel L. wants to keep his possessions

2009-07-16T10:45:00.002-04:00

There are plenty of celebrity soccer fans, and plenty more to come, but last night's ESPYs saw the world's finest loud-voiced, over-the-top actor pledging his allegiance to the Red Scouse.

Though it might stop his house from getting burgled, it'll never be able to stop that shark.

Samuel L. picked up the LFC bug back in 2001 while filming so-so crime flick The 51st State, a movie in which his character goes to a Liverpool/Man U tilt at Anfield.

Ever since, he's been an avid follower, and decided to show his pride on the red carpet for ESPN and the paparazzi, although he's not often understood by his Hollywood pals: "I put my Liverpool gear on every now and again, and people say '"what the hell is that?"'

I thought Becks had fixed this problem! Poor Sam.

Palm Springs Kids Lose $100,000

2009-07-16T09:42:00.008-04:00

Won't someone think of the children?!?

Yeah, stupid kids shouldn’t have bet on Cruziero.

No, actually they were robbed. Or embezzled from or whatever the proper grammar is for being the victim of embezzlement.

But the Palm Springs AYSO had a sizable chunk of change go up and missing.

Search warrants were served last week on former La Quinta AYSO regional commissioner Sharon Schumaier in a felony embezzlement investigation involving more than $108,000 in local AYSO funds, court documents show. According to minutes from the board of directors' June 22 meeting, the league has about $84,000 in its account and another $19,000 in a bank account — frozen as part of the ongoing investigation.

So wait, the youth soccer organization is missing $108,000 but it still has $103,000 in its bank accounts? Youth soccer is swimming in that kind of cash?

Jesus, how come this doesn’t happen more often?

Schumaier has been ousted as the Area Director. Her claim is now that she was asked to be relieved of her duties because it was too much work.

The article makes no mention of any Schumaier priors, but a commenter drops this little nugget:

Indeed the lady was convicted of theft and embezzlement back in 1996 and received five year[sic] probation. So, she HAS been convicted of a crime in the past. Interestingly, one similiar [sic] to what she is being investigated for now [sic]. True, it doesn't make her guilty of any crime now and comments about the way she looks are ridiculous. Still, if you read the warrants, and the list of checks written out to her, her husband, or their business, it is very, very damning evidence. Further, she ignored all requests for provide [sic] financials.

The AYSO has appointed a new acting director and said it posted its budget on its website, but I couldn’t find anything but the minutes from the last couple of board meetings. Families that paid their dues for the upcoming season will not have to repay. But there won’t be orange slices at halftime this season.

Wednesday Backpasses: One more time

2009-07-15T23:02:00.002-04:00

Last chance: you can win a book! Simply email us at the address in the sidebar, subject line WAHL to be entered in our random draw for the new Becks book. Drawing tomorrow.

Hey, this is timely! Wahl v. Becks at today's press conference [The Offside Rules]
(Very) Short Q&A with Zizou in Cali [100 Percent Soccer]
Panini stopping production in Germany. Good enough reason for a slideshow [Bild]
Bradley Wright-Phillips to take his handbag stealing act to Plymouth [Eurosport]

Drogba and Bosingwa's bans reduced on appeal [BBC]
Headline win: Nancy boys call off England tour in fear of "swine flu" [Soccernet]
King Kev is not getting old, he swears [The Spoiler]
Danny Szetela to DC United a done deal [Behind the Badge]

Finally:
There's an easy answer why Guadaloupe are not FIFA members--blame France [World Cup Blog]

UF Liveblog: 50th Copa Libertadores final, second leg

2009-07-15T20:30:00.092-04:00

Say what you want about his time in England, Verón is a legend in La Plata

Recognize this guy? Yes indeed! It's Juan Sebastián Verón and, after a long and profitable footballing career, tonight may be his last chance for nut-busting international glory. The Argentine, back home now (since 2006 actually), is leading his hometown club into the climactic game of their first Copa Libertadores final since 1971. Estudiantes de La Plata won three in a row from '68-'70 but had been absent from the South American showpiece showdown until playing Brazilian side Cruzeiro to a nil-nil draw last week in Argentina.

The action has now shifted to Brazil, and Cruzeiro's massive 75,000-seater in Belo Horizonte (have a good look, they'll be playing World Cup games there in 2014.) Cruzeiro, aka A Reposa or The Fox, are favorites, having hung on for that draw last week in La Plata. Their home record in the competition (6-0) is spectacular-- almost as spectacular as the Argentine side's inability to win in Brazil. Estudiantes lost to Cruzeiro in the group stages, 3-0, on the same turf, and despite two wins in neighboring Uruguay, they're thought to be balky away from home.

The "Fox" Den
But it's all prologue now-- Verón's dream finish... Brazil's taste for glory... Argentina's thirst-- it's 0-0 on the scoreboard and on aggregate. There is no away goals rule, so it's simple enough for even the likes of Lingering Bursitis to enjoy. The lineups come after the jump, along with an unfolding tale of toil and triumph!

(For live moving images, turn to Fox Sports Esp, channel 125 on Time Warner)

Before we go any further, you should know that Estudiantes, aside from having awesome fans (the club won the Apertura title at Boca Juniors in the final round in 2006 and their supporters almost tore down La Bombonera), are known as Los Pincharratas or The Rat Stabbers. The original team was made up mostly of medical students and their work with animal corpses during school made an impression on the other clubs.

That said, our Fox crew welcomes us to Belo Horizonte's Estadio Mineirao and a delirious scene. If this stadium holds 75,000, then there are a lot of people sharing seats tonight. (Update: Cruzeiro fans gobbled up 67+ thousand tickets in six hours; Estudiantes supporters were allotted just 3,000, all of which are accounted for.)

One last quote before we get started. This, from Estudiantes defender Rolando Shiava:

Let's hope they're already celebrating, as it'll be to our advantage. There are no foregone conclusions - all that matters is what happens on the pitch.

Lineups:

Cruzeiro: Fabio; Jonathan, Thiago Heleno, Leonardo Silva, Gerson Magrao; Fabinho, Marquinhos Parana, Ramires, Wagner; Kléber, Wellington Paulista.

Estudiantes: Mariano Andújar; Christian Cellay, Rolando Schiavi, Leandro Desábato, Germán Ré; Enzo Pérez, Rodrigo Braña, Juan Sebastián Verón, Leandro Benítez; Gastón Fernández, Mauro Boselli.

Referee: Carlos Chandía (Chile)

Pregame: Great start for Fox here. Sound is out as they go back to the studio. All we're hearing is some dude coughing up a lung off in the background. I knew it'd be tough to understand much of what was said, but this is ridiculous.

-They've gone to the video tape. Literally. Just saw Martin Palermo's bike kick goal for Boca Jrs. Great quality all around. I'd love to see the Euro teams try to walk in to places like La Bombanera or the Maracana. That, as opposed to the midseason bullshit that is the FIFA World Club Championship, which incidentally is on the line tonight.

-We're back to the studio now and... yup... more Coughing Man. Where the hell is Terri Leigh when you need her?

"Welcome to the Estadee-ow de Min-eero! Tonight we have a game of two halves with the Students of La Plata and Crew-zero!" (Sorry Terri... Sorry Spectator... and JSL...)

-More shots now from inside the stadium.. as the players are on the pitch. The Cruzeiro fans are in full festival mode already. Do they think it's in the bag? Or is just... you know, South America. Sadly, there has not been a word spoken, Spanish or otherwise, in 15 minutes. Just THAT song which I can't quite name. Italian something or other. Kinda taking the place of the Chaaaaaaaampions song from the Champs League.

-Where are the comments at?

Let's Be Ahhhvin' You!!!

/Delia

-Que dice?? A commercial in English. That was odd.

-Obviously still a problem in the studio/booth as they have not had live audio from in or around the stadium since the Coughing Man interrupted a second time.

-Somewhere, someone is Bugging The Fuck Out over this technical trouble. Who remembers when the lines went down during the Turkey-Germany semifinal at Euro 2008?

I do.

-So it's Paulista for the home side over fellow striker Thiago Ribeiro. Gutsy call. (I guess)

-Holy Balls. It's in English. I'm actually a bit disappointed. No Max Bretos thank god. You gotta appreciate the anonymous, dutiful announcer.

...it sounds like the guy who does the AFA games on the weekend.

Estudiantes will take the first touch...

And we are off!

1 min- Cruzeiro earn first corner after Rolando Schiavi steps in front of a dangerous cross for a dangerous clear.

3 min- Not much of it, as Schiavi gets his head to the high ball... cleared and we dick around the midfield a bit.

5 min-Veron's name gets its first shout-- he just drove and elbow into Wagner's head. Believe it or not, there's no histrionics. And we carry on, still feeling each other out. The Raposa faithful are in full throat.

7 min: Unique from Euro games: Lots of (young) players are playing farewell games tonight. Couple going to Benfica, one to Italy... (Catania)

9 min- Veron free kick from just about the corner kick spot after a foul by Cruzeiro's Wagner...

Right into the face of the Cruzeiro defender. Corner now. Nothing comes of it. Set pieces are Estudiantes meal ticket, so they'll want better chances than those. Ball never made it in the box.

12 min- Getting salty out in the vast midfield nothingness. The ref is doing everything in his power to keep the cards in his pockets. Lots of yelling.

14 min- Cruzeiro get a look, but Veron is there to break things up. In his own box. Maybe I wasn't so far off before. Veron is playing in defense, the midfield, and up top.

16 min- Wagner goes down after Gaston Fernandez put a boot into him.

Benitez puts in a cross for Estudiantes, but alas, it is intercepted before it finds any Estudiantes. Neat clear from Cruzeiro's right back, allegedly Jonathan.

18 min- Estudiantes are nearly in before the flag goes up. Replay shows Barelli's foot is just barely, maybe off. Would have been alone on goal.

19 min- Estudiantes lucky this time as Ramires comes flying down the left win, but gets mucked up as he looks to catch a trailer with a cross. Should have taken it himself. Had a step into the box and a clear shot if he'd taken it.

20 min- Apparently Argentine teams have won just 2 of 35 games in this stadium.

22 min- First utter waste of the match. Uhhh. Gaston Fernandez, with his back to the keeper, ladled a cross to Boselli who looks to swing it home on the volley. He whiffs. And falls.

23 min- Action picking up now. Cruzeiro take a long corner and a powerful header from Silva in the back glances off the right post.

24 min- Fernandez registers his disgust with his strike partner by passing up a nice 2-on-2 break to launch a test ballon into the crowd.

And back come Cruzeiro! Paulista chases down a long through ball... but it's just snapped up by keeper Mariano Andujar. End to end stuff now!

Fans not as loud as before. Can Estudiantes get this thing to half tied? Feels like the clock is ticking on Cruzeiro.

And with that, another explosion of song.

27 min- Ramires comes down the right wing, but passes another chance in favor of a D-list bit of acting.

@Precious Roy- This is for you, sir. A fine game... for the past 5 mins... Sorry you can't be here. Sweet Brazilian air. Cachaca in every cup.

29 min- Brief pause as the medical team comes out to patch up Estudiantes keeper Andujar's knee, which is sliced and bleeding after that save from the 24th min.

31 min- Veron mauls through the middle to collect from a dallying Cruzeiro.. he feeds to Fernandez, who puts it across to Boselli who is beaten by Cruzeiro's left back. And yes, i did just type "Veron" and "mauls" consecutively.

33 min- Jonathan puts a long free kick sky-high into the Estudiantes box, but nothing from it.

34 min- Shiza! Boselli was just about away when a Cruzeiro defender took him down clearly inside the box. Alas, there's no foul. Need a replay to sort this out.

@jjf I'm here for you too! This is high drama. I was in Ecuador this winter and they were still going apeshit over LDU Quito (last year's winners.)

37 min- First sign of crankiness from the capacity crowd. This is no coronation, at least not yet. The play has moved back into the midfield.

...and now it's spread onto the pitch. Veron and Kleber pick up yellow (definitely Veron, cant quite tell who the other recipient is) Total Handbaggery right now. Our Chilean has lost the match.

40 min- Every challenge is ending up with a man clutching and whinging on the turf.

Veron is hip-checked... I mean Chris Pronger or Darius Kasparaitis would be proud of that... by Cruzeiro's Wagner, who is on the warpath. Estudiantes holding possession outside the the box. No penetration, but they're holding it. Kinda like the Junior Prom. Ba-dump Chhhhhh

But a foul now and dangerous free kick for the Rat Stabbers.

Punched away by Cruzeiro's Fabio

42 min- Another Estudiantes corner...

..is cleared away.

44 min- The Argentines are really bossing it now. No great chances, or shots for that matter, but possession must be 55-45.

45 min- Brana sees yellow for Estudiantes, who are UNLUCKY as Kleber should have been carded again for an elbow. Doubt the ref would put Cruzeiro down a man in the first half in front of this crowd.

45+2- The half ends with Estudiantes in firm control. Whooooa dear! Every account written before the match had Cruzeiro cruz-ing to a relatively easy win. But as in any game of this magnitude, the 'dog is being extra scrappy and the home favorite is looking tight. Estudiantes withstood the opening onslaught, or whatever bit of energy the crowd brought, and now seem like favorites. And let me say, Veron has been EVERYWHERE. Seriously a man on a mission. Touch to touch, up and back. easily man of the first half.

Halftime-- seriously now? Back with the muted studio analysts. It's great that they have some an Anglophone calling the game, but it's not like we can't bear the sound of Spanish or Portuguese. At least the coughing man is gone.

Ahhh, some highlights from the first half.. colored only with ambient noise and a rip-roaring dance beat.

Heineken commercial... but... no... Chaaaaaaampions.

Fox Sports promo: Latina (perhaps Wise) in a bikini drawing x's and o's on a dry-wash board. I like this channel.

And look at us! Back with some more highlights and commentary in English.

Big Stats: Estudiantes 2 shot, neither on goal Cruzeiro, One shot on goal.

We're back for the second half in this game of two halves and possibly an extra 30 mins. And Pks. Hmmmm. Drama yo!

Apparently Cruzeiro supporters drowned out the Argentine nat'l anthem with jeers way back when. I like it. There is not a prawn sandwich in the building!

46 min- We are off.

Just poured myself a cup of roommates' Pina Colada mix. No ice though. No blender either. There is however, rum. Game on Wayne!

47 min- Wagner gets first chance of the half for the home side... a glancing header off a long free kick. Goal kick now.

48 min- Cruzeiro back out with some juice. Same for the crowd, which was quieting by the end of the half. The task is the same for Estudiantes. Stand tall for 20 mins, then see what happens.

But maybe they won't wait? Corner to Estudiantes...

49 min: Benitez's kick is well short. I thought set-pieces were they specialty. They've been their weak point so far. Meantime, Veron the Beast breaks aborts another Cruzeiro attack. They were still back in their own trimester, though. Sotomayor, are you ok with that? (Silence)

51 min- Cruzeiro's Wagner rips down another Estudiantes player. That's his third yellow card by my count. He's playing prison rules. I like it.

Defensive throw in for Estudiantes. (TMI??)

52 min- Goooooooooooooal for Cruzeiro!!!!

Enrique blasts one from straight away, 30 yards out, but it takes a wicked deflection off Leandro Desabato, the Estudiantes central defender.

Enrique will keep the goal, but it's all on the defender. Piss. Not how you wanted that winner to fall.

55 min- BAD JOB by this announcer. Tells us an Estudiantes goal would make them champs on away goal rule. There is NO AWAY GOAL RULE in this tie. Weak. Now Estudiantes really need to level. I want to see this idiot cover up his mistake when the players don't leave the field at 1-1.

57 min- Cruzeiro fans rocking now. Literally. My TV is pulsating. Drowning out the idiot commentary.

58 min- GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL for Estudiantes!!! Gaston Fernandez!!! Rat Stabbers cut into the hearts of the Cruzeiro faithful.

Can someone double check the rules here. The announcer insists that Estudiantes win the damn thing if it ends a draw. I'm positive he's wrong...

62 min- Cruzeiro settle down, but make no inroads toward goal.

It was 14 minutes of madness, now it seems both teams are feeling they've something to lose.

@PR The commenter is sober. And maybe on a better feed. I was lightning fast on the equalizerrrrr.

65 min- Cruzeiro in their half court offense now. But again, no penetration. Even their goal was from the perimeter... and aided still by a cruel bounce.

@Georger That's the Cruzeiro guy. He's one cool Brazilian. See how that holds up as the clock goes tick-tock-tick.

I mean, I believe he's Brazilian.

The drama is eating me up.

68 min- Oh. No. Never seen that before. Screen just got cut into thirds... left third was a silent commercial. Other 2/3 was the field. Bad precedent. Hope ESPN isn't watching.

69 min- Boselli, with a Cruzeiro defender LITERALLY on his back, rips a long shot on goal.

Saved and punted away. Best chance since the goals.

70 min- Estudiantes win another corner off a blocked shot from Perez.

Estudiantes fail again, but keep possession... only to be drawn offside.

Wagner, he of the 6 yellow cards, comes off. It's a left back for midfielder swap. Idiot commentator says it's because of an injury, but he's not to be trusted.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL for the Rat Stabbers!!!!!!!!

Veron to Boselli! Off the corner! The set-piece comes to bear, at last.

74 min- This guy has got to be kidding. Still carrying on about away goals rule! Cruzeiro need two goals, he says, over and over and over. We must root for the Brazilians to level. Just to see what this fucker says when they go to extra time.

76 min- BTW Athirson on for Wagner. Wellington is off for another strike option (Thiago). Cruzeiro are desperate. The stadium is shocked. That sound we here is the Rat Stabber support. Loud for just 3,000.

79 min- Commentator: This victory would be sweet for Veron as when he played in Europe he never got to hoist the Champions League trophy." Thoughts?

80 min- Veron free kick from 25 yards misses upper right corner by oooooh, an inch. Not more. Almost imperceptible from here. THAT would've sealed it.

Nothing from Cruzeiro. The manager is no longer cool. Looks like he's passing a kidney stone.

82 min- The push is on. Cruzeiro string together a few long, cross field passes, but the last is lofted too softly and the Catania-bound Andujar picks it out.

Cellay sees yellow for a rash tackle... 3rd for Estudiantes

84 min- Thiago gets in close enough to put a shot on goal for Cruzeiro. Not much on it. Easily saved.

84 min- Corner for Cruzeiro, headed away by... Veron. Unreal.

85 min- Estudiantes in hoof mode...

Athirson makes a decent run up the middle... long pass is put out for a corner. Chances running out for Cruzeiro. Here's another...

Estudiantes man off injured. They'll defend with a man less. Or not. Sanchez on to clog the midfield.

And Cruzeiro just rock a long strike off the crossbar!!! Cannot get any closer than that. Andujar was beaten!

89 min- Kleber tripped up from behind 25 yds from Estudiantes's goal. Free kick again.

After grazing a head, the ball falls flat to Thiago, who just fouls it off into the crowd. They might not have another one that good.

90 min- More yellow in the eyes of Estudiantes. They don't care. Waiting on injury time. Can't be much...

Still another free kick for Cruzeiro... this time from 35-40 yards out.

3 mins added

Headed, then hoofed out.

And a Cruzeiro corner is played long. Estudiantes clear, but Cruzeiro play it back in for another scuffed volley.

90+3- Waiting on the tweets... Estudiantes in possession.

AND THAT IS IT!!! ESTUDIANTES ARE CHAMPIONS OF SOUTH AMERICA!

What a fantastic finish. The Argentine side is run all over the field. The Cruzeiro fans file out in utter f^&kin shock. There are 3,000 fans still in the building and they are loud.

Good job FSE-- Live shot from La Plata. They seem pleased. /understatement of the hour

If you're an Estudiantes fan, is Veron not your hero? His father plays in your three-peat teams from the late 60s, then JS comes back from Europe to lead you to a first Argie title in 22 years (as of 2006) and then first Copa Libertadores since 1970. Magic.

Boselli: (some variation on) "...Cruzeiro thought they had won already." He's playing the No One Believed In Us card. It works in all sports in all continents, it seems. There is some truth to it, though. There was not a single account on the net today that predicted this result.

So that's all from Bela Horizonte!! A cracker indeed! Thanks for joining us... great way to spend a slow summer night!

RAT PINCHERS ARE CHAMPIONS!

Ochocinco Meets Otto

2009-07-15T19:50:00.005-04:00

Completely randomness from Twitter, but apparently Chad Ochocinco, nee Johnson, of the American football Cincinatti Bengals just ran into Zlatan Ibrahimovic at UCLA. Inter Milan is in LA for a match against Chelsea on July 21 as a part of the World Football Challenge.

More random Ochocinconess with NY Kid's favoritest after the jump...

Ochocinco also ran into Marco Materazzi.

Programming Note: Livebloggery This Evening

2009-07-15T16:00:00.000-04:00

The Likely Lad claims he will be liveblogging the Copa Libertadores final this evening. I'm dubious but he asked that we post a note so he can get many more commenters.

Cruzeiro will take on Estudiantes for all the marbles on Fox Sports Espanol. My TV schedule says the match starts 9:00 ET, but TLL says it starts at 8:30 ET. Maybe he was referring to the start time of his liveblog. I don't really know, his English is not very good.

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

2009-07-15T14:30:00.001-04:00

Scarborough FC were one of the oldest clubs in England until their dissolution in 2007. Formed in 1879, the club was moderately successful through the years, never tasting relegation until 1999. But it's not like they burned up through the leagues either. For the most part, Scarborough were a provincial team, only occasionally making a blip on other team's FA Cup runs.

This changed when they became the first team promoted from the Conference (formed in the 1970s) into full League status. Neil Warnock was the manager when The Seasiders moved up in 1987. Scarborough never moved beyond this level, but came extremely close in 1998. That season, Scarborough finished in the playoff spots for only the second time since moving up to League status. Unfortunately, they were pounded 7-2 over two legs by Torquay United. The next season, Scarborough were relegated on the last day when Carlisle United's on-loan keeper scored an injury time winner which doomed Scarborough back to the Conference by one point.

From there, they were doomed.

The shirt that Scarborough wore during their last great season was, well, odd.

I'm guessing that Errea were both the sponsor and the kit maker here, due to the double prominence of their name inches away from each other. But that's not the real fun. The real fun is what's below.

Obviously, that's a banner of St. George's cross, but what is that underneath? Does the country of Portugal have something to do with Scarborough? Because when I see those two shades of red and green together, that's the first thing I think of.

This being a long sleeved shirt, we see once again oddly constrictive cuffs. What was it with this time that shirt makers thought that long sleeved shirts needed to stay only on the wrist? Maybe it's a Euro thing.

Finally, because I don't want to disappoint, I'll point out the other horror of this shirt. Yes, there is sublimation. No, it doesn't make any sense. Diamonds with waves in them. Great job, shirt designer dude. You've made the best shirt of all time by adding in those sublimated diamonds. Here's a raise.

I guess it's good that Scarborough FC passed away two years ago. Otherwise, some marketing exec would come along in ten years time and try to replicate this shirt as a reminder of the team's glory days. Sometimes death is freedom.

Vieri Expecting

2009-07-15T13:25:00.002-04:00

That's Italian Christian Vieri and that's a nice little paunch there.

We're actually going to defend Vieri. You make over 300 appearances in Serie A over 20 years (not to mention another 30 in France and Spain) you're allowed to let yourself go for a bit.

Still. Gravity works, huh?

And guess who is giving him a look.

~~Fat~~ Big Sam. Vieri is getting a run out with Blackburn as Allardyce tries to scrape what little tread is left on the tires.

If the second NSFW-ish pic is any indication, Vieri's ability to score hasn't been hampered in the least by his newfound affinity for mass.

The Daily Mail piece that is the source of the above-pic is worth skimming just to see if you can come up with a food or size pun that they didn't work over.

Activism: It Isn't Just for Politics Anymore [UPDATED]

2009-07-15T11:40:00.007-04:00

It’s taken some time, but Match Fit USA has finally percolated up enough outrage to take action. And you can help.

The issue is the USMNT v. Mexico World Cup qualifier. While the Spanish-language broadcast will be on Telemundo, an English version will only be available on something called mun2. To be honest, most of us were unaware what that was.

Telemundo owns both the Spanish and English rights for Mexican matches. There’s a brief rundown of how it came to pass that English-speaker will have to seek out an outlet with a footprint that reaches 1-10th of of US Americans, but the Cliff’s Notes version is:

Since 2000, Telemundo has had a contract to show Mexican matches on U.S. television. For past USA-Mexico qualifiers at Azteca, the game would end up being shown on an ESPN outlet because the U.S. Soccer Federation had a formal relationship with Telemundo. But for the past two years the USSF has worked with Telemundo's rival, Univision, which shows USA matches on its main network as well as Galavision and Telefutura.

Your help comes in the form of making your displeasure of having to find a cable outlet that mightn’t even exist on your system known to people with more influence and power.

NBC-Universal has many other outlets with much wider penetration. They might be persuaded to move the match if they were told how upset people will be with them if they miss the first time the USMNT wins at Azteca ever.

You can click on the Match Fit link (first paragraph) for a long rundown. But if you’re too lazy to click more than once, here’s a link to the online petition.

And if you feel your sphere of influence has a larger radius than your wingspan, please pass the link on to soccer-watching friends or people who simply like to irritate massive media conglomerates.

[UPDATE: ~~We decided that a pay petition is about the lamest thing ever.~~ The petition link above is still encouraged, but we received another email with the following message attached:

Below I have provided NBC executive email addresses and phone numbers to contact the respective individuals who do work for NBC sports. All I request is that you get the message to your readers and listeners to contact these individuals kindly and courteously and beseech that they move this extremely important match from Mun2 to a widely received channel with HD.

NBC Sports Office
nbcsports@nbcuni.com
nbcsportshelp@nbcuni.com

Walker, Brian
Senior Director - Communications
Phone: (212) 664- 5533
Fax: (212) 664-6035
Project Assignment: "Notre Dame Football" "PGA Tour" "Ryder Cup" "Senior PGA Championship" "Football Night in America" "U.S. Open & USGA Championships" "National Hockey League"
Division(s): NBC Sports
brian.walker@nbcuni.com

Freifeld, Adam
Director - Communications
Phone: (212) 664-6772
Fax: (212) 664-6035
Project Assignment: "Wimbledon" "The Kentucky Derby" "Preakness Stakes" "NBC Sunday Night Football" "French Open"
Division(s): NBC Sports
adam.freifeld@nbcuni.com

Iorio, Lyndsay
Coordinator - Communications
Phone: (212) 664-2160
Fax: (212) 664-6035
Project Assignment: "National Heads-Up Poker Championship" "2007 AVP Crocs Tour on NBC"
Division(s): NBC Sports
Lyndsay.Iorio@nbcuni.com

DICK EBERSOL
Chairman, NBC Universal Sports & Olympics
dick.ebersol@nbcuni.com
Duncan.Ebersol@nbcuni.com

Perkins Miller
Vice President, NBC Universal Sports
Perkins.Miller@nbcuni.com

Kenneth Schanzer
President, NBC Universal Sports
Kenneth.Schanzer@nbcuni.com

Jeff Zucker
Presiden and CEO of NBC Universal
Jeff.Zucker@nbcuni.com]

UF Quick Throw: South Africa Stadium Strike Over

2009-07-15T11:09:00.003-04:00

What the subject line says. After a work stoppage last Wednesday, stadium workers in South Africa ended their strike after accepting a 12% raise (they were demanding 13%).

The agreement was supposed to have been signed a few hours ago but is still awaiting ink as employers work out the final wording. So if you're clinging to the last vestiges of hope that the World Cup will be pulled from South Africa and relocated to the US, there's that little sliver for you.

It's Not Good for Hartson

2009-07-15T11:04:00.003-04:00

John Hartson underwent emergency surgery last night on his brain to combat the testicular cancer that has spread to his lungs and brain. He's facing a gargantuan task to recover and successfully fight the disease.

His family issued the following statement:

"We have been overwhelmed by the support and goodwill from many thousands of football fans, players, clubs and sporting figures and we have drawn strength from this support."

Here's hoping this story ends well.

Let's Help Out Chris Bosh

2009-07-15T00:43:00.006-04:00

Chris Bosh of the NBA's Toronto Raptors is in a contest with fellow NBA'er Charlie Villanueva (who recently signed with the Detroit Pistons) to reach 50,000 followers on Twitter the quickest. The winner essentially gets to choose how the other will be embarrassed on video everybody gets to see. As of right now (9:46 PM PT), Bosh trails Villanueva, 48,865 to 49,080.

Now, I can't speak for the entirety of UF (I know Spectator is a Pistons fan), but I think we should throw our support behind Chris Bosh. The lanky basketball player was a recent participant in the Showdown in Chinatown showing himself, while not a natural soccer player, to be a stand-up person and a good sport.

So, if you have a Twitter account and are so inclined, follow Chris Bosh and help him to victory. And tell your friends to follow him too.

Chris Bosh victory celebration after UF support?

Tuesday Beckspasses: Still time left

2009-07-14T23:01:00.002-04:00

Reminder: you can win a book! Simply email us at the address in the sidebar, subject line WAHL to be entered in our random draw for the new Becks book.

WTF is a mun2? [MFUSA]
Sacha Kljestan has a potty mouth [The Offside Rules]
Yes, the 1-1-8 is coming to the EPL [NCNB]

Which EPL club has the most annoying fans? No, Norwich is not in the EPL [PIES]
Looking at the design of branding in soccer [Blue Sombrero]
Interview with the new director of Liverpool youth academy [Fox Soccer]
Longer interview with Grant Wahl [TIAS]

Finally:
Which EPL players are very nervous about their blood tests? [People UK]

Any Team Will Do

2009-07-14T15:30:00.000-04:00

Seeing as though it's become a bit of a Beckham day around here thanks to his unwitting dominance of the news cycle, there's yet more PR fun from the blonde muppet in the form of comments about the English Premier League.

Basically, he'd play for any English club, having suddenly dropped his self-imposed limit of just Manchester United as being worthy of his presence.

You heard it, Citeh. Save Beckham!

Becks recently touched down in the USA to pick up his trail of enmity and discord from where he left off in the winter, seemingly determined to see out that albatross of a contract currently hung around the neck of his LA Galaxy overlords (though let's be honest; the Galaxy don't control anything).

I mean, he is going to honor that deal, right?

"Never say never. I would definitely consider it.," said Beckham when asked if he would consider playing for another Premier League side. "When I left my heart was in Manchester – I couldn't see myself playing against United. Now I wouldn't rule it out."

Dear oh dear, Becks. So now you're so desperate to depart that you'll accept playing time from any old EPL has-been just to get out of Dodge?

Los Angeles should just sell him now and be done with the matter, unless they like having the rest of the league, nay, the rest of the world, looking at them and laughing hysterically. Becks also says he's patched up his differences with Donovan, but given their respective egos, there's no way a 60-minute chat can undo 2+ years of festering dissatisfaction, dishonesty and disgruntlement.

Still, I'll be watching and liveblogging the trip to NY on Thursday (I was originally set with tickets until our babysitter fell through! Blast!) with great interest to see how they mesh together. My guess is "not very well."

Ambition Not Avarice?

2009-07-14T14:30:00.003-04:00

Tevez' whopping wages will keep him in new tea cozies for quite a while.

So Tevez has decided. It's taken all summer for his owners to thumb through all 3 offers for their slave and finally they flogged the tiny forward to Manchester Arabia. Of course, Tevez had the final say...And what a say it was. Tevez has joined Manchester Arabia because of their 'ambition' and not because of the 150k a week wages he will be investing in binkies.

"City's boss and owner came with a very good proposal, they showed me that City has the ambition to be one of the biggest clubs in the world. This made it easy to make the move. Money was never important." - Carlos Tevez speaking through his interpreter.

So Tevez is ambitious? Surely if this was the case, he wouldn't have left the current Premier League Champions and a team that handed him a Champions League medal two years ago would he? Or turn down a move to Chelsea. Aren't they ambitious? With a Russian billionaire owner and top players? Also, a sure sign of Carlos' desire to do well, aka 'ambition', would be his eager desire to have spent every spare moment learning English, making it possible for him to communicate with his managers. After 3 years of living in er..England, he hasn't!

Talking of communication, Tevez is claiming that Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson never spoke to him. EVER. Not just with regards to staying at Old Trafford. In response, Fergie says that he sent Tevez texts messages and he didn't receive a reply. Just a guess, but If Tezez doesn't speak English, talking to him would probably be a little difficult. If he can't read English, Ferguson's text's would probably evoke a similar response from Tevez as to yours, should the next paragraph in this blog read like this...

Ydepsopdug jhdyf hfujhfjd hdudocd. Hlkkfhdlkfdl jhfkfdkdg skfdkdl hhd idfh kdjfldlf jdkjfldljf l fhdlkj fjkdfj ld;ljdl kjdiur'egl'dkldgkgj dlfjf gd;fdjflg, hkdfhdkjfhdk. hfkdufhd fldfkd .Ueytrirtocj hjd's djoedor hfjdfhfjdkfj . Xoqwpri ldfgflfop.

Strong argument eh? I know, sometimes I surprise myself.

Of course both parties are completely full of shit. United spoke to Tevez' people and Tevez is looking to find an excuse to justify moving to an 'ambitious club' that doesn't offer Champions League football.

This is what really bugs me about footballers. No loyalty is a given these days, but no honesty? Just be honest. You have a limited career and want to earn as much money as possible. I get it. You get it. My dog gets it. Claiming that 'ambition' is the reason for moving to a club that has Shay Given in goal, a back pair formed from Nedum Onuoha/ Tal Ben-Haim and Richard Dunne and 10 strikers for competition, is just not believable on any level.

Man up Tevez, grow a pair. The truth is, 150k a week cannot be turned down, and that won't change when Adebayor and maybe John Terry spout the same bollocks in Arabia blue sometime in the near future.

UF Quick Throw: Melo to Not-Arsenal

2009-07-14T13:43:00.002-04:00

Juve isn't Arsenal right? That's where the Brazilian is headed. So the question remains as who will be the recipient of the proceeds from the Adebayor sale.

UF Book Review: The Beckham Experiment, by Grant Wahl

2009-07-14T13:30:00.000-04:00

With all this Becks talk today, it's only right that I review the comprehensive account of the LA Galaxy and their disastrous attempt to buy themselves some success. To the surprise of no-one, David Beckham, everyone's favorite right-sided midfielder (not mine!), wasn't enough to get them an MLS Cup.

When David Beckham landed in America, his presence garnered worldwide attention. The prodigious Englishman seeking to colonize the US and conquer its ignorance of the world's greatest and most popular sport; it made for a thrilling, compelling story that everyone wanted to cover. ESPN whipped the masses into a frenzy, forcing the non-believers to care and giving the nation's soccer-crazy a chance to experience the kind of soccer coverage in America that they'd always dreamed of.

But, with every good story, there's a turn, and a Second Act that comes with far less joy. With Beckham, there were several downward turns, and Grant Wahl has captured every single moment of the descent in producing one of the better sports books you'll read all year. Akin to Buster Olney's "The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty," Wahl's unprecedented look behind the wafer-thin veneer of the LA Galaxy is compelling and enjoyable from beginning to end.

The book's two main strands dovetail together nicely; on one hand, we get an intimate look at Beckham and the invasive management of his branding team (the figure of 19 Entertainment, his nebulous handlers, loom ominously throughout the book), while on the other, we get a chance to get to know how the proverbial other half live, the players living on table scraps and working multiple jobs (or, in one perhaps overstated case, living three-to-a-tiny-apartment in order to save enough money for dinner and gas. One of them likes loud music! Another never cleans his dishes!) who are swept up in the media hurricane.

With all eyes on Beckham and his effort, it's guys like Alan Gordon who are able to give the most unbiased, uncensored opinions about life at the Galaxy and its farcical organization.

And so we get to the most impressive element of the entire story: Wahl's access. One wonders how different it might have been if Becks and the Galaxy became the all-conquering force so many envisioned, but in truth, the team's fall yields remarkable candidacy from so many close to the wreckage. If it's not Lalas, never shy of a soundbite, it's Landon Donovan, the team's jilted lover in the wake of Beckham's arrival. Donovan's story, and opinions, are compelling simply because we're never sure if he's genuinely angry at Beckham or angry at the organization for making him, the established alpha male of the team, play such a neutered role once the real golden goose swans into town.

The tale surrounding the LA Galaxy captaincy, and the pathetic, passive-aggressive manner in which Beckham gets what he wants in the armband (and believe me, thanks to his shadowy best mate Terry Byrne, who it seems essentially ran the club with Lalas as a well-meaning, clueless puppet, Becks always gets what he wants) is most telling of all. Remember, this is a guy so crippled with concern about his public image that if he wants something that people might react negatively to, you can bet it's not going to come directly from him:

"When Beckham led the LA starting XI out of the tunnel the next night for the team's Superliga semifinal against DC United, there was mild surprise among his teammates that he was taking over as captain so soon -- even superstars usually need to earn the armband on the field with their new team, and it was Beckham's first Galaxy start -- but it was entirely plausible that Beckham would have ascended to the position before long...

In the long term, the sub-rosa machinations that led to the captain switch would set the tone for the Beckham Experiment on a number of levels. Galaxy executives and coaches would continue bending over backward to accommodate (and even anticipate) the wishes of Beckham and his handlers, rarely saying or doing anything they feared might offend their meal ticket. For their part, Beckham's handlers would exert more and more influence behind the scenes, almost always using Beckham's surrogates -- Terry Byrne, mainly -- to avoid leaving any of Beckham's own fingerprints. Meanwhile, Donovan's resentment would build as he slowly began understanding that outside forces were taking over the team."

However, the one thing Beckham's PR army couldn't get for him was on-field success, and it's this lack of team success that eventually tanks the entire experiment. I always felt that Beckham came to the USA thinking he could dominate in his old-ish age, becoming the best player in the league and single-handedly dragging the Galaxy to the winner's podium; when that didn't occur, he looked for the exit as quickly as possible, and Wahl's account of events reads in much the same way.

By the end, all parties involved seek to exonerate themselves of the lion's share of blame, no-one seemingly caring about throwing others under the bus in an effort to look good. The Beckham Experiment's bigger story, beyond the flashbulbs and media management of the English midfielder, concerns the comical mismanagement of a franchise, their actions providing a step-by-step guide of what not to do when trying to achieve success in a given sport.

From Leiweke's flirtation with Beckham over a 5-year period until the deal was signed (not to mention his rather poorly-constructed contract that gave his team no margin for error whatsoever), to Lalas and his naivete in a job he should perhaps never have been given (like so many in the workplace, his personal rolodex got him a gig well above his druthers), to Beckham and his team of self-interested PR wizards, there's plenty of blame to go around, and Wahl does an admirable job in presenting the facts and leaving the reader to decide who ultimately deserves the bulk of the criticism for what went wrong.

My favourite section concerned the immediate post-Beckham arrival, when he and his handlers were able to sweep out MLS-savvy management and players (oh, the team they would have had were it not for some fundamental idiocy; look at who they let go once Becks came to town! Joe Cannon, Chris Albright, Kelly Gray, Kyle Martino, Tyrone Marshall, as well as Gullit effectively ruining Peter Vagenas) in favor of more global brands to keep Beckham happy. Oh, and all the global brands were just as clueless about MLS as Beckham is/was.

Ruud Gullit, if the book is to be believed, couldn't even be bothered to learn how transfers work in his new job, so much so that some hilarious personnel errors were unavoidable. Celestine Babayaro arrives and leaves, but not before displaying the same naivete that doomed this entire experiment to begin with (and a hilarious anecdote concerning flights). As for Abel Xavier, well, the less said the better.

It's hard for me to judge a book like this impartially as I have such strong personal feelings against David Beckham -- since Real Madrid, I feel like his playing abilities were never worth the hype, but it didn't stop him pillaging free money from teams desperate for the Beckham that hadn't existed since the 2002 World Cup -- but I can say this: Wahl is an excellent writer and researcher who has put together a fantastic account of a franchise that tried to purchase success but ended up worse off than they'd ever been.

It's engaging, enlightening and pulls no punches when looking at Beckham in the USA, and for that, I'm grateful.

When he gets to AC Milan, it's hard to feel like he put in his best efforts for Los Angeles in 2008. It's passages like this that make you wonder about his integrity and commitment to that grandiose, gargantuan task he'd charged himself with in coming to MLS in the first place:

"From the moment David Beckham donned the famous red and black striped of AC Milan in January 2009, he looked like a completely different player from the one who'd gone 70 percent, sullen and out of shape, during the last half of the Galaxy's 2008 season. This Beckham was fully fit, buzzing up and down the right flank like the Goldenballs of old. This Beckham saves his emotional outbursts for his teammates, not just the referees, jumping on the back of teenage phenom Alexandre Pato after feeding him a perfect pass for a goal."

Reading this makes it tough for even the most ardent Becks fan to give him the benefit of the doubt when you see the MLS version and the England/Serie A version existing so brazenly separate from one another.

But ultimately, the book isn't just about Beckham, but the hopes, dreams and day-to-day operations of the team that relied upon him to turn them around. The Los Angeles Galaxy make for a wonderful case study in what not to do when trying to build a franchise, and the decisions made since 2005 will haunt this team for many years to come. Make no mistake; there is plenty of blame to be spread around, and Wahl leaves no involved party free of culpability.

I fear that when Beckham finally does leave, it'll be an eternity before they get back to where they want to be and with Wahl's controversial expose, it might take even longer.

UF Quick Throw: Adebayor to Citeh almost confirmed!

2009-07-14T12:30:00.000-04:00

Arsenal have accepted a 25m pound offer from Citeh for their sulky, lanky Togolese striker. How many pre-pubescent French starlets will that buy?

Personal terms for Emmanuel are believed to be around 150,000-175,000 pounds a week, proving the adage "more money than sense." They now have a striking corps of Bellamy, Adebayor, Tevez, Santa Cruz, and Robinho. Good luck keeping everyone in check! Or maybe they're bringing back the 2-3-5 formation?

[Guardian Sport]

.

Know Thy Enemy Friend! It's Exeter City FC!

2009-07-14T11:00:00.003-04:00

In Paul Tisdale Us Grecians Trust
You know the drill by know.... Bigus' Norwich City FC have been relegated to League One. Now that the tears have stopped flowing, Bigus is doing a bit of research on next year's opponents in the third tier of Engerlandish football.

One of those teams is my beloved Exeter City FC. So, Bigus has asked me to take the wheel to discuss my beloved Grecians. I'll try my bestest after the jump.

First, where exactly is Exeter?

Turn right before you get to London, keep going West (young man)

As you can see, Exeter is located in Devon, along the coast in Southwest England, around 300 miles from Carrow Road, Norwich. Exeter was founded by the Romans in the first century A.D. along the River Exe (Gaelic for "water"). After that, it was the usual English history of Saxon, Danish and Norman invaders; cathedrals built and repaired; floods and rebellions; international trade in wool; industrial revolution; and Luftwaffe bombings. In fact, you can look for yourself on the Wikipedia.

But, more importantly for our purposes, Exeter is of course the home of Exeter City FC. The club was founded in 1904. Exeter's nickname is the Grecians, although no one is sure exactly why. (Most likely the name comes from the term for people from St. Sidwell, who are from outside the city wall, like the Greeks outside the walls of Troy.) For the last 100+ years, Exeter has never risen above the third level in England. But that doesn't mean that they don't have a rich history.

Somewhere in this picture is Orignaldo's granddad!

In 1914, Exeter made a historic tour of South America, and became the first club team to ever play against the Brazilian national team. In the intervening years, Brazil and Argentina have shown that they have learned well the lessons taught to them by Exeter City.

Back when men were men, and real men played for Exeter City and Arsenal

Exeter's greatest product everwas Cliff Bastin, who transferred to Arsenal after only two seasons with the Grecians. While with Arsenal, Bastin scored goals and also featured for the English national team. Like many athletes of his era, Bastin's prime years were cut short due to WWII. Even so, he scored 150 goals for Arsenal (a record that was finally bested by Ian Wright and Thierry Henry) and helped the Gunners win a number of trophies in the 1930s. After WWII, Bastin played in only a handful of games before injuries forced him to call it day, upon which he returned to his hometown of Exeter and ran a pub.

Exeter City visit White Hart Lane in 1981 in the FA Cup

After enjoying a bit of success in the late 1970s, the past twenty-five years for Exeter City has been joy followed by heartbreak followed by joy followed by heartbreak followed by joy. Not that this is all that unique about English football teams, but the depths of these extremes has been quite remarkable. In 1990, Exeter gained its first and only trophy by winning the Fourth Division/League Two. After that, it was a slide back down to League Two combined with financial difficulties and administration, which led to the club having to sell its St. James' Park to raise money. Although Exeter continued to play at St. James under a lease agreement, the grounds were eventually purchased back by the Exeter City Council.

The real St. James' Park

But that was only the beginning of the dark days. In 2003, Exeter was relegated to the Conference League. Meanwhile, in stepped new owner John Russell, who claimed to be the sort of angel investor that lower league teams dream of. The only problem was that Russell was in fact penniless. Russell's genius plan was to get Uri Geller, and eventually Michael Jackson involved. Yet again, Exeter was ahead of the curve: have their owners were literally bilking money from the club, years before Malcolm Glazer who was just figuratively bilking money from his club! Unsurprisingly, things collapsed for Exeter, who were again were on the brink of administration, with Russell eventually being sent to prison.

Thankfully, in stepped the Exeter City Supporters Trust. Although the club continued to languish in the Conference League, the football gods looked kindly upon Exeter in 2005 when they drew Manchester United in the Third Round of the FA Cup. Sir Alex sent out a weakened squad that day, which even included Timmy Howard and Jonathan Spector, along with the very young Kieran Richardson, Wes Brown, Chris Eagles and Gerard Pique, who was particularly terrorized by the Grecians. At the end of that day, the result was fantastic...

Man U wound up winning the return leg, with Cristiano Ronaldo scoring the go ahead within only ten minutes. But there was no reason to be sad, because the television rights helped Exeter wipe out its entire debt. Exeter continued to build from there.

In 2006, gaffer Alex Inglethorpe became the S***rs youth coach. In stepped new manager Paul Tisdale, a former Southampton/Bristol City player who had coached non-non-league Bath City for a few seasons. It was a bold chance on an unknown that has paid off spectacularly over the past few years. And, Tisdale even has close ties to swank English fashionista Ted Baker.

The boys celebrate their second successive promotion

So now Exeter City find themselves in League One. I'll admit that my beloved Grecians overachieved last year, that it wasn't supposed to happen this quickly. But there certainly is something magical about this current run. The key this summer was holding on to Tisdale, who was linked with the Reading and Swansea job openings. At the same time, left winger and academy product Dean Moxey went to Derby County, and important midfielder Matthew Gill is now a Canary thanks to a free transfer. Add this to leftback George Friend moving to Wolves during last season's transfer window. The good news is that both Moxey and Friend were academy products and netted over 1m pounds in transfer fees. That's a good sign for the health of Exeter's youth system, and also a nice amount of cash to have on hand for a lower league club.

Coming into the squad for next season are Barry Corr, Scott Golbourne and Joe Burnell -- all players looking to rekindle their careers after leaving their respective squads on frees. The most recent moves by Exeter is to a bid for Charlton Athletic striker Stuart Fleetwood and an offer to sign Troy Archibald-Henville from S***rs on loan. Both players were with Exeter at the end of last season and had a big hand in the club's promotion.

So, where does this leave us? I'm honestly not sure. Life in League One will be rough, so the goal next season is simply to hang on. But given the fact that Exeter was just a whisker away from disbanding twice within the last fifteen years, the future is bright for my Grecians.

And so I'll leave you with a favorite Exeter chant... Which goes "cider, cider, cider, cider, cider, cider."

The Beckham Experiment is here! Grant Wahl Q&A

2009-07-14T10:00:00.005-04:00

We've been snickering and chuckling over the last couple of weeks at the stories beginning to seep out from Grant Wahl's new book, The Beckham Experiment, as he and his publisher begin the PR campaign. (You can buy the book here, should you fancy)

Well, we need feed off the scraps no longer as the book drops today, and we can all finally learn the entire truth of Beckham's tumultuous, phantasmagorical, chaotic, downright hilarious time at the Los Angeles Galaxy.

Grant was gracious enough to take some time out of his busy media schedule with the MSM to answer a few questions about all things Beckham and book-related.

Hit that after the jump, and, if you're in feeling lucky, you can enter our impromptu competition to win yourselves a copy of the book in shiny, new hardcover!

Simply email us at the address in the sidebar, subject line WAHL to be entered in our random draw.

Enough procrastinating. Wahl below.

Wahl!

UF: What are your thoughts on the media reaction to the book thus far? In the UK, the prevailing theme so far appears to be focused on mocking Donovan's precocious ways and tuning out the negativity about Beckham, while the US has always looked upon Beckham with suspicion as to his motives. Did you expect such a backlash from the English press?

Wahl: I don’t know if I’d use the term “backlash” to describe the reaction in the British media. I haven’t read all of it, but most of what I saw was just straight-up reporting of Donovan’s comments (and, now, Beckham’s response). I would say this: Almost all of the people who are criticizing Donovan for his remarks about Beckham (in Britain or anywhere else) didn’t see all of the Galaxy’s games in the second half of 2008. I did see every game. And while it was admittedly terrible soccer, it was obvious that Beckham wasn’t giving his full effort during that time. Donovan was by far the best player on the Galaxy last year (his 20 goals led the league), and that may be part of the reason why he felt comfortable issuing his criticisms of Beckham, who didn’t even make the MLS Best XI. Beckham was really good in the first half of the season, however.

UF: Has Beckham read the book? AEG? Leiweke? Lalas? Any of the major characters? Any feedback from them or commentary?

Wahl: I’m not sure exactly who has and who hasn’t read the book yet. I’ll be curious to hear what they think after they’re done reading, because I think it’s a fair-minded account of the Beckham Experiment’s successes (yes, there were some) and failures. My main hope all along has been that people read the whole book. I’m proud of the finished product.

UF: What were some of the biggest difficulties in getting the book together? Did Team Beckham and their PR spin team make things hard for you?

Wahl: I have always had a good relationship with Beckham and his handlers after writing two long open-minded stories about Beckham for Sports Illustrated in 2003 and 2007. Those stories were done as straight-up journalism—in other words, Team Beckham was not paid a dime for access and didn’t have approval over anything in the stories—and this book was the same way. I’ve interviewed Beckham one-on-one more than any other U.S. journalist, and the book includes material from those interviews, as well as the many interviews of Beckham that took place before and after every Galaxy game. He provided far more access than he ever has to the media in Europe, so his voice is in the book.

UF: From reading the book, Beckham's naivete and arrogance regarding his abilities and his potential role in MLS shine through. He appeared to never have a clue, and the book gave me the impression that once he realized his presence was unable to transform the Galaxy into a winning franchise overnight, he virtually checked out. Based on your intimate knowledge of the situation, was he aware of what he was getting into, or was he as clueless as Gullit regarding the structure and operations of MLS?

Wahl: I don’t think Beckham was totally aware of what he was getting into with the Galaxy—or how bad the team really was. Obviously, the Galaxy deserves a lot of blame for that, but so do Beckham and his handlers for not being fully aware (and then adding to the problems during Team Beckham’s shadow takeover of the team in late 2007 and 2008).

UF: How did writing and researching this book change your opinion of Beckham?

Wahl: In covering Beckham over the years before he joined the Galaxy, all of his former teammates and coaches said that he put out 100% effort all the time in practices and games. But in the last half of 2008 it was clear that Beckham was not putting in 100% during games, and several teammates (including Landon Donovan and Chris Klein) noted that Beckham could have been doing more at practices too. My theory is that Beckham had never lost this much in his career, and as a result he partly checked out on the team in the last half of 2008.

UF: What impact do you think this book might have on the MLS moving forward? Could Becks' struggles deter other big names from coming across to try their hand in America?

Wahl: I don’t think this will keep other stars from coming over, though it might cause some MLS owners to think twice about opening their wallets. That would be unfortunate. MLS needs star power, and the Beckham case is so unique that I don’t know how many lessons can be applied to other players.

UF: I was struck by the level of comfort shown by a lot of players in going on the record with their feelings toward Beckham and LA, in particular Landon Donovan. Was there a general willingness amongst the rest of the team to come forward and share their uncensored thoughts?

Wahl: I did the reporting for this book over 16 months, following the team in Los Angeles and around the rest of the country. I think Donovan and several other figures got used to me being around and were comfortable sharing their thoughts. They also knew that I didn’t come in with an agenda. When I started the reporting for the book in the summer of 2007, none of us knew what would happen. For all we knew, the Galaxy was going to win championships like Pelé’s New York Cosmos. That didn’t happen, of course, and I just ended up following the story where it took me.

UF: Who might be your next target after Beckham?

Wahl: I don’t think I’d use the term “target” since it implies some sort of intended malevolence, but I am starting to put together ideas for my next book. Not sure if it will be on soccer. The Beckham Experiment was a huge story for American soccer that was deserving of a book, but there may not be many other U.S. soccer stories that publishers think are worthy of books. I’d love to be wrong, though.

UF: And a couple of off-topic ones to round things out....
Hopes and Expectations for World Cup 2010?

Wahl: To have a tournament that’s free of major incidents and has the kind of quality soccer we saw at Euro 2008.

UF: Favorite US Player at the moment? All-Time?

Wahl: Alan Gordon. Anyone who reads the book will know why. He’s a symbol of all the anonymous U.S. players who bust their tails to keep MLS afloat.

UF: Favorite World Player at the moment? All-Time?

Wahl: I’m in the bag for the Argentines. Messi now. All-time: Maradona, circa 1986.

Monday Backpasses: We love you too, Derek Taylor

2009-07-13T22:35:00.003-04:00

Heard on last night's Fox Soccer Report:

After the break, Beckham calls an unprofessional foul on Landon Donovan

Thank you, Derek Taylor, for acknowledging your readership of our fine blog.

Pulled out of the ether: a fine Southampton goal from 1981 [PIES]
MO7 just doesn't have the same ring to it [Guardian]
Bayern would be well-served to offload Ribery now [The Spoiler]

An early look at what soccer programming will be on FSN. Looks like FSN and FSC will both show Champions League matches [EPL Talk]
Lukas Podolski trained in his undies [ONTD_FB]
Charlie Davies heads to Sochaux after all. Shame about their new shirts [NYT Goal]
Portsmouth's ownership situation is not really resolved [The Football Blog]

Finally:
Bookmark this page for European season start dates [The Offside]

Bentley Goes Down

2009-07-13T18:20:00.002-04:00

a UF artist's depiction

Some news stories hit their peak in the top line. For example: David Bentley was punched in the face by a fellow patron while dining with his girlfriend at a restaurant on Saturday night.
The simplicity, the "lightning sanity" as Fitzgerald would say, of a fist gone square to the mouth is beautiful in its way. When that mouth belongs to an individual with Bentley's personal reputation, there is comedy galore. Some of those funny things... and some less so, after the hop.

The plan was to select certain details from an assortment of British tabloids and then mash them together like some linear Rashomon (Norwichomon!!), with the end product a definitively nonsensical account of the incident. Alas, this is a blog. And I just got an iPhone. So now, here in list form are the details of the shot heard 'round Hertfordshire.

Funny: "David is pretty shaken. He was in the restaurant with his best friend and their respective partners. A guy walked over and started talking gibberish to him, then he just took a swing and punched him," Bentley's agent tells The Mirror.
-- Bentley shouldn't have been taken completely off-guard as he did play for Juande Ramos for three months. Ramos literally spoke gibberish (that's before AND after translation) and figuratively decked Bentley in the face, with his career fulfilling the face's place in the metaphor.

Not Funny: England football star David Bentley was punched in the face as he sat in a restaurant with his heavily pregnant fiancée. Lede from UK tab.
-- You can't be cold-cocking a guy in the presence of a "heavily" pregnant woman, especially if she's his girlfriend. Glass could go flying... she goes into labor, etc. Not cool.

Funny: Waiters immediately called the police and Bentley, who was said to be "badly shaken", is keen to press charges. -The Mirror
-- Shocker here. Where was the emotional fortitude he displayed at Wembley during PKs with Man U? And this excitement to press charges... I'm not saying he should or shouldn't. But you know guys like this: Talks a lot, spends a lot, then take one in the kisser and all of sudden he's wailing for the bobbies.

Not quite as Funny, but Funny: from The Mirror again-- Bentley's agent Robert Segal said the attacker's table had paid their bill and had taxis waiting outside in readiness for their escape.
-- Premeditated, then? Imagine if this had happened to Michael Jackson. Larry King would be having a special tonight, Bentley's father and sister would be alleging a conspiracy, and Jackson/Bentley would no longer have even the rumor of a nose.

Super Funny: "I am just pleased that the guy did run away, because if David hit him back he would be sitting in a police cell now." -Robert Segal, the agent.
-- "Someone hold me back! Hold me back!" Yea right. Bentley is indeed lucky the guy ran away as, had the aggressor stayed, our pretty young lad would be looking like Edward Norton after the "make me ugly" scene in 25th Hour.

Not Funny At All: David Bentley joined Tottenham Hotspur in July 2008 from Blackburn Rovers after agreeing a six-year contract. The deal was worth an initial fee of £15 million with a further £2 million payable on future performances. -espn.com bio
-- To Villa!

A few more words on John Hartson

2009-07-13T17:00:00.003-04:00

Hartson was an imposing, raw striker for whom silky skills were always elusive. Goals, however, were never too hard to come by, scoring at a rate of more than 1 every 3 games for Luton, Arsenal, West Ham, Wimbledon, Coventry City, and, most notably, Celtic.

His impending struggle with cancer is a familiar one, and he has a long and difficult fight ahead of him. It'll take every last drop of that grit and determination for him to overcome.

In August of 2005 I was diagnosed with testicular cancer, but, thanks to the wonderful vagaries of insurance, it didn't get much treatment until well into the fall.

I knew what it had been all along, but the bureaucratic red tape and the endless visits to a small doctor's office in Brooklyn made things overly complicated. It was October when I finally got my surgery, but the spread to the base of my spine was an unexpected epilogue.

The spinal node infections were far worse, and required far more; a few cycles of strong chemotherapy, bedrest (I kissed work goodbye and somehow managed to freelance throughout despite the heavy haze of Cisplatin and painkillers continually clouding my head), and a far more intrusive, painful, dangerous surgery (a RPLND, or Retroperitoneal Lymph Node Dissection... google it if you dare!) in order to kill off the beast.

There was precious little time to deal with the potential compliations from the surgery - painful recurring acid reflux (check), sexual dysfunction (thankfully, no, as the birth of my first child recently can attest), paralysis, kidney failure, nerve damage restricting movement, bowel obstructions, hernias - before going under the knife, thanks to the aggressiveness of the disease.

As the pattern normally goes, lungs would be next, and eventually brain. Of course, not all variations behave the same way; some skip right to the brain, some are far more invasive, others loiter solely in the groin until plucked clean, but Hartson's type sounds especially awful. Of course, there are all the stories about Lance Armstrong and his recovery, but to be grim, for every Armstrong, there are 999 non-Armstrongs, those who can't handle the treatment and those who eventually succumb.

My story ended brightly; after the long course of chemo, coupled with this difficult surgery, I made a full recovery with few lingering effects (and a sweet 18-20inch scar), and recently passed my three-year anniversary of receiving that good news of being cancer-free. Two more years to go until my chances of remission fall back in line with the general population, and I'm moving on with my life.

The point of sharing my small story is simple: I feel for Hartson and his diagnosis, as he might well not be so lucky. Few are, despite testicular cancer being one of the easiest cancers to treat, and I wish him all the best. We all do, and here's hoping his story ends brightly like mine did.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

When 15 Seconds Isn't Quite Fast Enough [UPDATE]

2009-07-13T16:10:00.000-04:00

In advance of Cruzeiro’s mid-week return match against Argentine side Estudiantes in the Copa Libertadores final, the Brazilians sent out a team of reserves for its Campeonato match against Atletico Mineiro.

Apparently, striker Ze Carlos didn’t even want to spend his afternoon playing in a potential beat down as he managed to get himself sent off after just 15 seconds.

The real crime? Ze Carlos even apologized, to no avail.

"I slipped, went to control the ball, turned and my arm hit Renan in the face. I even said sorry but I ended up being sent off. It was not on purpose."

Really, what’s the point if you’re not going to intentionally try to get run so early? Ze Carlos’ efforts didn’t even earn him soccer’s fastest red card. It’s not even close really.

Just last December David Pratt of Chippenham Town (in England’s Southern Premier League) got a straight red for a reckless tackle just three seconds into a match. Before that, the fastest sending off was generally accepted to be 10 seconds. That distinction was held for the better part of two decades by Giuseppe Lorenzo of Bologna.

Cruzeiro lost the match 3-0. Not that they care much. Again they sent out a side full of reserves anyway, resting first team players in advance of their Wednesday return match against Estudiantes.

With the win Atletico took over first in the Campeonato.

Now with video! (well, as long as it stays up)

UF Quick Throw: Citeh Land Carlos Tevez

2009-07-13T15:30:00.000-04:00

Tevez to Manchester City is now a done deal subject to a medical. If the Adebayor transfer goes through as well, we can only guess this means that Citeh is hording strikers like a James Bond villain ("All the world's strikers are mine, mine, MINE...bwahhhahaha").

[Sky]
[Guardian]

The Gold Cup sets World Cup standards of punishment

2009-07-13T14:15:00.000-04:00

Aguirre smelt it, CONCACAF dealt it

Remember that gigantic donnybrook late last week between Mexico and Panama, the one in which limbs were torn from bodies and players ran bleeding and delirious into the warm Houston night?

Yeah, well CONCACAF acted swiftly to dole out some punishments, and the only one feeling the pinch is Mexico coach Javier Aguirre, smarting from a three-match suspension. His wonderful leg-sweep near the sideline sparked a wonderful brawl, the likes of which hadn't been seen since that night in Detroit, and though plenty of shoving matches took place after the Cobra Kai move, only Aguirre is in the doghouse.

"The committee acknowledged that Mr. Aguirre is well known to them as a responsible person and it was their belief that this was an aberration rather than any aspect of his normal behavior," mumbled CONCACAF secretary Chuck Blazer in-between heavy abuse of the gratis buffet table.

Aguirre apologized, and we can all move on with our lives. At least until the next time it happens.

Macheda's Week Gets Worse.

2009-07-13T13:15:00.000-04:00

Poor old Macheda. Wagless and Watch-less. First of all his woman drops him like a hot potato and then two men bust into his crib, rob him of all his worldly possessions and rough up his mate. Yep, another footballer has fallen victim to armed robbery. This appears to be a real problem in the north west, especially with Manchester United and Liverpool players.

The robbery took place at Federico Macheda's home in Sale during the early hours of Sunday morning. The Italian striker's friend received a minor cut to his head, and there were reports of an incident in Manchester on Saturday evening that could have been connected to the crime, but police will not confirm that this is the case.

A bad week indeed. Still, Federico is a 17-year-old footballer. As you can see from the picture above, I'm sure he'll be selecting a new WAG soon and a fancy watch will make just a small dent in this week's wages.

We Need Your Help!

2009-07-13T11:30:00.001-04:00

So the Foul Up in Baltimore is nearly upon us, and The UF email threads have been red hot with discussions of a banner. We were thinking of making one to tell the world that we exist. Being Chelsea v. Milan, we decided to scrap a generic slogan and make one relevant to the game itself, and after much debate, we just can't decide. So we want you to.

What should be on our Baltimore banner?

Unprofessional Foul Baltimore 'Foul Up' Banner Poll.(online surveys)

Unhealthy Fascination with Celebrity Babies Reaches Creepy New High

2009-07-13T10:00:00.003-04:00

Someone please give the faculty at the University of St Andrews something to occupy their time as, in the absence of any meaningful science to be done in Scotland, they've come up with the above image.

It's a computer composite of Wayne and Colleen Rooney's child. The baby isn't due for another 3 months, but thanks to the Scots we already know it's going to be hideous. Seriously, that's a girl? It's looks like a Baby Koresh.

From the News of the World: "Last night scientist Ian Stephen said: "'It should be fun to see what their child looks like in 12 months' time. I think the images we have produced should be pretty spot-on.'"

If it is spot on, it will be the opposite of fun to look at that thing. Is infanticide still legal in Britain?

Sorry Scotland, but Free To Be had this one nailed back in the early 1970s. These are Wayne Rooney's kids.

When you first catch sight of your firstborn Wayne, just remember that it's alright to cry.

UF Quick Throw: John Hartson Diagnosed with Testicular and Brain Cancer.

2009-07-13T09:30:00.002-04:00

Awful, awful news from Swansea this morning. Wimbledon, Arsenal, Celtic and Wales forward John Hartson has been diagnosed with brain and testicular cancer. He will undergo radiotheraphy and chemotherapy immediatley. The 34 year old visited his hospital complaining of headaches and underwent a series of tests this weekend.

"All the family, and John's friends, are doing all we can to support him and praying that he will make a full recovery." -Statement from Hartson's family.

Best wishes to the strapping striker and his family from all of us at UF central .

The Unprofessional Foul-Up: Less than Two Weeks!

2009-07-13T09:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, we are very excited about our first ever UF roadtrip! We are packing up next week to head to Baltimore, Maryland, for Chelski versus AC Meelan, a trip that we have dubbed The Unprofessional Foul-Up. Find out more about our merry adventure after the hop, where we also need your help with local Baltimore pubs.

Most of us writers will be there, along with a devoted yet ragtag group of commenters (you know who you are). For those who are wondering, the plan is to arrive before the game for some tailgating. Next week I'll announce our ETA and exact location once we know when/where they'll be letting people in. Then, it's on to section 134 of the M&T Stadium in the AC Milan "fan zone," where 30-odd of us will enjoy a ~~competitive~~ competent match. And perhaps even Oguchi Onyewu's debut in red and black?

After the match, we are planning to retire to a local drinking establishment. Which is where we need your help. So far the suggestions have been the Wharf Rat and the Downtown Sports Exchange/Balls (wish I were making up that name). What do you folks think? We'd prefer to stay close to the stadium so that we can walk/stagger.

More soon. And we'll even try to do some live twittering and picture-taking from the game.

UF Quick Throw: Ade-Bye-Yor?

2009-07-13T08:45:00.000-04:00

If we Quick Throw’d every Citeh rumor we’d be all-Citizens all-the-time. And when we thought we’d just do a complete round up this morning of everyone who has turned them down, they go and ruin it by making another splashing rumor. This time it's with someone actively wanting to leave their club.

Adebayor to the powder-blue Mancs?

FIFA Wants to F*ck With The Jesus

2009-07-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

Brazil might very well already be on double secret probation. Why? Loving the Jesus. Actually FIFA probably doesn't care how much they love Jesus, they just want them to stop telling the world as much.

A warning letter was sent to the Brazilian football federation ‘to remind them of the relevant regulations, so that such incidents do not recur in the future’. Brazilian players, and Kaka in particular, are well-known for their strong religious beliefs and the squad and backroom staff formed a large circle and sank to their knees in prayer after the victory over the US at the end of last month.

Wait, I though God only blessed America. If He helped Brazil defeat us in soccer then I'm never trusting a slogan printed on currency ever again.

The letter barely even amounts to a hand slap as FIFA is only reminding Brazil of laws already on the books. Specifically Law 4, Decision 1:

Here’s FIFA Law 4, Decision 1 (compete list of the laws here (Warning: PDF link):

Players must not reveal undergarments showing slogans or advertising. The basic compulsory equipment must not have any political, religious or personal statements.

A player removing his jersey or shirt to reveal slogans or advertising will be sanctioned by the competition organiser. The team of a player whose basic compulsory equipment has political, religious or personal slogans or statements will be sanctioned by the competition organiser or by FIFA.

I didn't know a strongly-worded letter counted as a 'sanction.' Clearly FIFA is now under control of Canadians.

The secularists among us should thank God the Danes had the temerity to speak out. Yes, the Danes. In the wake of the Confederations Cup final when the Brazilian team turned the field into an impromptu cathedral, Jim Stjerne Hansen, the secretary general of the Danish FA, thought the violation egregious enough to raised the issue to FIFA.

"Just as we reject political manifestations, we should also say no to religious ones. There are too many risks involved in clubs, for example, with people of different religious faiths."

It must surely be some sort of eschatological sign when the Danes are the voice of reason. If Kaka can continually show off his subordination, then why can't an Afghan player pull off a jersey with a the message: 'Allah says 'Death to all Infidels and the Great Satan of America."

FIFA didn't comment directly, but merely referred to the rules, which they weren't enforcing. Shocking that FIFA would be so spineless in the face of a world power. Ergo, the letter.

Anyway, Brazil, you're now on notice. Stop loving Jesus or FIFA is going to take a gun, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger until it goes click.

UF After Dark: Macheda is Now Fred-Ex

2009-07-12T22:34:00.003-04:00

Well, since we veered toward unhealthy in our pursuit of online information about Sophie Houghton as she stapled herself to Wag-dom, we figured we should follow-up with this tidbit.

She's single again. And so is Federico Macheda (apologies for the Anglicization of the name in the post title).

The former dumped the latter as it appears he used his status as a good-looking, young, rich footballer to pick up chicks while on vacation.

We are stupefied.

Don't worry Sophie, you're only 18. You've got plenty of time to continue starf'ing and attention whoring.

Anyway, to apologize for a slack weekend we'll leave you this eye candy along with a promise that things will pick up around here on the weekends once the calendar rolls closer to August 15.

Superclasico live thread: Becks reps our blog

2009-07-11T22:12:00.009-04:00

So, the Haitans get a good result against the ~~USMNT~~ a team of Americans wearing Nike kit. Next up is tonight's Superclasico at the Home Depot Center between the Galaxy and Chivas USA. Still no Beckham, although he has returned to Southern California and spoken to the press about Landy's comments in the forthcoming Wahl book. ZOMG MLS controversy after the jump.

According to ESPN, Beckham said:

"It's unprofessional in my eyes. In every soccer player's eyes throughout the world it would be unprofessional to speak out about a teammate especially in the press and not to your face," Beckham said.

"But I'm going to turn it on a positive spin because that's what this needs. But in 17 years, I have played with the biggest teams in the world and the biggest players and not once have I been criticized for my professionalism. It's important to get this cleared up and I will be speaking to Landon either this evening or over the next couple of days."

Hopefully they can settle their differences over some Pinot Grigio and lamb pizza. Meanwhile, comment away on the match.

Jermaine Pennant gets what he doesn't deserve

2009-07-11T11:31:00.000-04:00

Remember those crazy days last season when Jermaine Pennant was apparently receiving offers and overtures from AC Milan?

Well, things are a little less crazy now, but the former Liverpool ~~winger~~ failure and Pompey paycheck-casher has somehow engineered a move to La Liga and Real Zaragoza, where he'll surely do his best to refute Cristiano Ronaldo's theory that Spain is the new power seat.

It's a wonderful, sunny new place for Pennant to underachieve, and the worst of it is that thanks to Spain's lazy tax laws, the son-of-a-bitch will be rolling in the money.

I didn't know if it was possible to hate him more, but learning this showed me otherwise!

To break it down for a second:

It is the detail of Pennant's deal at Zaragoza with regard to taxes that will have some English players and agents salivating. His three-year contract is worth £6.24m net, with the Spanish club effectively paying his taxes. They have been helped to do this by top-bracket tax perks or what has become informally known in Spain as the "Beckham law".

In an attempt to encourage overseas businesses to place their leading executives in Spain, the government introduced legislation to cut taxes in the top bracket to 23% for the first five years. Real Madrid, a club synonymous with galáctico signings such as Beckham, then argued successfully that leading overseas footballers ought to enjoy the same privilege.

As the article goes on to explain, not only will Zaragoza be paying the taxes on his paycheck every week (somewhere in the region of 10,000 pounds), but he'll take home a minimum of 40 grand a week with no strings, AND Zaragoza even threw in a car and a villa to his deal, meaning that the awful, horrendous, absolutely painfully useless right-winger is sitting prettier than most.

Quoth the inept bastard: "I wanted to come to Spain and I had offers from important teams in Europe but I joined Real Zaragoza. I really want to get started and do well in the league."

I'm sure you do, Jermaine. I mean, three goals in three-and-a-half seasons at Anfield shows just how firmly you believe in "getting started".

Perhaps more troubling for the EPL is this tax situation outlined above, something that could potentially see a ton of superstars leaving England in order to keep more of their money (England currently imposes a 50% tax rate for those people earning more than 150k per year), and a country like Spain, already far advanced in the Totty, Weather and Cuisine stakes, would make for quite a soft, sexy landing should others decide to defect.

Most galling of all is that it's Jermaine Pennant being the one to expose this glorious, totally unfair loophole. If Jermaine Pennant can do it, why not Crouchaldinho, or Darren Bent, or Kenwyne Jones, or Joey Barton, or Florent Malouda, or David Bentley?

(pause for thought)

.... actually, it would be kinda nice to get rid of all that EPL deadweight. And if Spain theoretically took 'em all, C-Ron would be eating his words about which league is best.

Until that happens, focus your hate rays on Pennant, and all that filthy lucre, and the free sports car, and the luxury villa.

May he get immediately sold to FC Twente, or Brann Bergen, or some club in the Faroe Islands.

Friday Backpasses: Zero Effect

2009-07-11T03:30:00.000-04:00

Tonight's Guest Backpasser: LB

One of my favourite movies of recent times, and I cannot understand why it seemed to fail so completely and utterly. Pullman and Stiller work surprisingly well together as a idiosyncratic Sherlock Holmes & Watson, the script is fresh, the characters compelling and funny, and you can't go wrong with a soundtrack by the Greyboy Allstars, no sir. As I lie awake with LB jr taking a late-night nap on my belly, I'm reminded of its excellence Plus Bill Pullman drinks Tab! That's just insane!

Anyways, around this time in the early hours of Saturday, July 25, a bunch of us will be stumbling around Baltimore's Inner Harbor. I cannot wait!

Ronaldinho's is in danger of becoming fat, like orca fat. Meelan are scared [Wales Online]
Nike's been juicing with their new soccer balls. At least the next John Terry PK miss will occur with a sexier ball [Gizmodo]
Citeh allow Jo to spend more time at Everton on loan [Guardian Sport]

Manchester United miss out on yet another player, as Huntelaar agrees to shift to Stuttgart [Sky Sports]
Tranny involved in Originaldo scandal last year dies of AIDS [Brisbane Times]
Diadora goes belly-up; Scotland need new shirt maker [BBC Sport]
American coach to take over the reins at beleaguered Scottish First Division club [Boston.com]
Aberdeen decide to sue Elton John for pitch damage that happened 5+ years ago [Evening Express]
Some info on the NYC soccer movie festival [NY Times]

And finally:
Sad news about former Blackburn/Scotland legend Colin Hendry. His wife died following complications from botched cosmetic surgery [Guardian.co.uk]

.

UF Quick Throw: Eto'o No Go.

2009-07-10T20:27:00.004-04:00

Samuel Eto'o has missed the opportunity to become the richest player in the Premier League. Manchester Arabia set a deadline and that has passed. It was reported that Eto'o was to earn 250k a week! Arabia top dog Garry Cook tonight announced "The circumstances surrounding him were such that a deal couldn't be completed."

It looks as if Eto'o has joined Kaka in the "I have some credibility" camp. Who will Manchester Arabia sling their cash at next? David Villa? I'm sure we won't have to wait long to find out.

It Was Ten Years Ago Today...

2009-07-10T17:45:00.004-04:00

"Making all five penalty kicks in a pressure cooker is not easy"

...the U.S. Women's National Team defeated China to win the World Cup before a delirius crowd of 90,185 at the Rose Bowl. The shot of Brandi Chastain de-shirting after nailing the PK winner is the takeaway image, but there was so much more. What's best, the way I remember it, was not that it was Women who were playing, or that Footy was getting so much love... it was that We Won.

It was a great game and we f%^kin' won it.

For a ride down memory lane, hop aboard the UF Delorean... cranking it up to 88!

***

"This crowd was unbelievable"

It all began on a June Saturday at Giants Stadium in New Jersey. A then-record 78,972 people turned out for the opener, USA vs. Denmark, and a first look at the team that would dominate the sporting headlines for a sparkling summer fortnight.

The US team won the opener 3-0, with Mia Hamm-- probably the only player we'd heard of to that point-- scoring her first and team's first goal in the 17th minute. She would assist on the second, then lead Sportscenter that night. I remember, I was there.

The American team skipped through the group stage, outscoring their overmatched opponents 10-1. Hamm held the spotlight, but she shared the goals. Tiffeny Milbrett, Kristine Lilly, Tricia Venturini, Michelle Akers, Shannon McMillan, Julie Foudy, and Cindy Parlow all struck at least once.

And manager Tony DiCicco's moustache roared!

***

"A little bit dangerous at times"

The team didn't need to travel far, having played all three first round matches on the East Coast, for their quarterfinal with Germany at Washington's Jack Kent Cooke Stadium (now FedEx Field.) Another raucous crowd-- only 54,642 this time-- turned out, but were shocked silent by a 5th minute own goal off eventual cover girl Brandi Chastain. Tiffeny Milbrett would level ten minutes later and the plot was back in place... until it wasn't. The Germans struck again, this time moments before the half.

DiCicco made no changes during the break and was rewarded for his resolve when Chastain brought the women level just five minutes into the second half. Julie Foudy-- for a broadcaster, she was an excellent footballer-- would come off in the 65th minute, the score still even, and not a moment too soon. Less than a minute later, her replacement, Shannon McMillan, put a right side cross in to Joy Fawcett, who headed home for her only goal of the tournament. Well-timed it was, and the U.S. were on to a semi-final date with Brazil.

July 4, 1999, was the five-year anniversary of Brazil's 1-0 second round defeat of the USMNT at the American World Cup. There would be no repeat of that day's unfortunate result (or violent play), instead a Stanford Satdium crowd of more than 79,000 would watch the US take an early 1-0 lead, then hold on as goalkeeper Brianna Scurry battened down the hatches. A late penalty from captain Michelle Akers sealed it. Next stop, Pasadena and the Women's World Cup final.

The build-up...

***

"A Moment of Insanity"

"Kristine was there like she always has been"

Ten years ago today. They played the first 90 minutes in front of 90,185 at the Rose Bowl. As the game moved scoreless into (golden goal) extra time the number would be rising. Millions now in front of their televisions. The cream of the national sporting press, for better or worse, had now trained their focus on the sparkling Angelino grass. The heat and a losing battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome knocked out Michelle Akers a minute into the first extra period. Chinese thrasher Sun Wen, who would end tied as the tournament's top scorer, threatened at every turn. The Chinese earn a corner...

In the 100th minute, China midfielder Liu Ying sent a left-side corner past the far post to Zhang Outing. Seven yards from the endline, Zhang beat Scurry with a looping header back toward the left corner.

Gary Davidson, Soccer Times
Scurry was indeed caught going the wrong way. The ball easily sailed on by her outstretched arms. And then, just as quickly, there it went... out into the box... hoofed into the midfield.
Lilly! She had headed clear, her heels glued to the goal line.

"Basically 'Oh, damn' was going through my mind because I knew it was by me and I knew it was low enough to be in the goal and all of a sudden, it comes flying over my head. Kristine was there like she always has been."

Brianna Scurry, GK, Team USA

Now it was down to penalties. Save one, you're a hero, DiCicco told his keeper. She did. The third. Scurry went left, the shooter did too, and without much conviction. The rest kept their nerve. It was down to Chastain.

This was fun!

Ahhh, the 90s...

Rafa Rants (again)

2009-07-10T15:00:00.002-04:00

Make no mistake, I'm a homer.

As a Liverpool fan, I see the world through red-tinted shades. I regularly sip the cherry Kool-Aid. Without many exceptions, my rear end can be found parked squarely behind LFC whenever an issue that requires side-taking is raised.

That isn't to say, however, that I possess an utterly blind faith, lack reason or operate within a reality-distortion sphere. I enjoy thinking for myself and am rather capable of it, thank you very much.

Now, I genuinely like Rafa Benitez. I fully trust in his ability to lead Liverpool and shape its future for the better. I also believe he can and will lead us to the Premier League title. Yet, when Rafa Benitez starts sounding off, I have to take whatever words come out of his mouth with a sizable pinch of salt.

His out-of-the-blue (but ultimately, dead-on) attack on Sir Alex Ferguson this past winter is well documented. There have also been more than a few dust-ups with Gillett and Hicks. If you've ever listened to a Rafa Benitez press conference, its obvious he's not afraid to make his feelings known, although often in a passive-aggressive manner.

Like an uncle you know is going to get drunk and take his pants off at any given family event, I've come to expect this petulant behavior from Rafa. While I won't make excuses for it, I'm not embarrassed -- it's just part and parcel, a small price to pay for the greater good.

One of my favorite Rafa Benetiz press conference 'moves' comes when a reporter asks a question Rafa doesn't want to answer; He'll just answer with a non-sequitar.

"Rafa, what do have you say about Manager X's comments about your possible pursuit of Player Y?"

"Yes, I am very happy with the way the team is training. We look forward to the opportunity to get three points tomorrow."

So, it's not shocking that Rafa has struck out once again, this time focusing on a former transfer target, Gareth Barry. (seriously, we all thought that story was done and buried.... please?)

Like a lover still scorned, Rafa hit out at the England international for choosing Man City over Liverpool this summer:

At this level everyone earns big money. The question is do you make the right decisions and do what is best for your career? If it's just for money sometimes you will make mistakes and I've been surprised by some decisions this summer – like Barry. I won't say too much but it was clearly 100% for money. The most important thing for me, though, is the passion of the players.

MEEEEE-OW.

Then, in practically the same breath, Rafa does his best Clint Eastwood Squint of Warning towards the summer's most coveted central midfield pair, Xabi Alonso and Javier Mascherano:

Don't forget we signed Alonso from Real Sociedad when nobody knew about him and we renewed his contract two years ago, so he was happy then, and you know what happened with Mascherano at West Ham before we brought him here. Both players owe a lot to Liverpool. They owe Liverpool some loyalty and they both know that.

Sounds a lot like "I took you into this world, I sure as hell can take you out!" Thanks, Mom.

There are those who will say Rafa's propensity for foaming at the mouth hurts his team, but I'm not buying. While the recent spat with SAF coincided nicely with Liverpool's surrender at the summit, the mental make-up of a top-notch professional squad has to be stronger than that. Especially when they should be used to hearing this song & dance by now.

Quite honestly, I'd like to see Rafa press conferences expanded to include topics completely unrelated to the footballing world.

"Rafa, do you think about the global attention devoted to the death of Michael Jackson?"

"For me, the most important thing is having a well-rounded breakfast. You cannot find success throughout the day if you do not start that day off correctly, no?"

"Rafa, your thoughts on the recent elections and unrest in Iran?

"In my home, we have the satelitte television. I am very happy with the package we have subscribed to. It gives us options, which is good. Maybe too many options?"

One Step Closer to MLS in Portland

2009-07-10T14:15:00.000-04:00

Portland has taken one more step towards actually fielding an MLS team in 2011. The Mayor and Merritt Paulson, owner of the USL Timbers and AAA Portland Beavers, reached a tenative stadium renovation agreement yesterday.

This MLS to Portland ordeal is being drawn out longer than an American Idol results show. MLS initially awarded a club to the city in March and the principals (the city and club owner Merritt Paulson) have been squabling about stadium renovation financing ever since. First, there was an advisory committee that recommended a two stadium proposal (renovation for PGE Park and a new stadium for the soon-to-be displaced Triple-A baseball team), then the City did not approve that recommendation, then they decoupled the two stadiums from each other, and now it is just a PGE Park renovation proposal.

No vote has been scheduled has been scheduled but that appears a mere formality as the required three votes seem secure.. The renovations will be several million dollars less than originally proposed (but who knows if there will be overruns) at $31M. Paulson chips in $8M of his own money for the repairs and will prepay $11M of rent for the facility, leaving the city to finance another $11M, which the City will pay off with revenue from ticket sales and rent. Of note, Paulson gets out of this one without putting up a personal guaranty, which had been a part of the initial proposal.

It is not a done deal yet because there has been no vote on it and only an outline of the proposal has been made public. There is plenty of time to find holes in the plan and surely the vocal opponents will be looking very hard for any mistakes.

Know Thy Enemy!

2009-07-10T13:30:00.004-04:00

It was 2am this morning. I suddenly woke with a feeling that something was wrong. A weight heavy on my shoulders. What was it? I couldn't get back to sleep. I got up, poured a glass of water and stared through the kitchen window. What's bothering me? I moved to the porch, sat in a chair and closed my eyes. No good, still couldn't sleep. A nagging anxious feeling filled my body from head to toe. I started to sweat. I got up and paced the porch, wracking my brain for a clue as to why I was an early hour mess, standing outside in a sweat, worrying. Then like a bolt of lightning, it hit me. I spotted a frisbee in the middle of my lawn and boom...The horror ripped through my body in an instance and I started to shake. One month from the start of the season in League one and I know absolutely nothing about...Milton Keynes!

Why 'Know thy enemy?' Click. Know already? Move along, nothing to see here...

The bastard love child of Peter Winkelman and Wimbledon. A town that will ruin your tires. Concrete cows and bad commercials, trying to attract visitors and prospective residents. It can only be Milton Keynes and the MK Dons.

Roundabouts. I lost count watching this.

So once Winkelmen broke the hearts of Wimbledon fans in 2004 (the few there were) and forced them to abandon ship and start their own team, the MK Dons appeared, not far from a roundabout, at the National Hockey Stadium.

The Dons started life with -10 points, the punishment for taking Wimbledon into administration. Stuart Murdoch was fired as manger and replaced by Danny Wilson. A trip to League Two followed and Wilson was replaced by the eccentric Martin Allen. Allen took his new team to the play-off finals in 06/07 but failed to get to the final. He was offered the mangers job at Leicester and took it.

2007/08 saw Paul Ince take the reigns. He won the League Two title and the Football League Trophy with a Wembley win over Grimsby Town. Ince's work didn't go unnoticed and he was poached by Premier League side Blackburn Rovers. MK Dons appointed ex Chelsea legend Roberto Di Matteo to replace Ince. Last season the new man took his side to 3rd after competing for the top spot for much of the season. The Dons lost in a play-off semi final for the second time in 3 years. Di Matteo followed Ince and Allen in heading to a bigger club. West Brom came knocking this summer.

Two days ago Paul Ince was re-appointed as manger after a spell out of the game.

Paul Ince. Now in charge for the second time.

Stadium MK opened in 2007 and holds 22,000 punters, although the average gate for the Dons last season was just 10,550.

The new town of Milton Keynes in Buckinghamshire was officially designated as a 'town' in 1967. Many new towns had appeared after World War 2. Places such as Stevenage, Harlow and Hemel Hempstead. New towns were built near London, designed to deal with the over flow of people left without housing at the end of the war. Milton Keynes lack of history is evident from the 60's and 70's style buildings. A concrete and glass center, surrounded by countryside.

A population of 184,000 inhabit the town and wear down their tires on a myriad of circular lumps in the road called roundabouts. Designed to keep traffic flowing, the roundabout serves a purpose. Milton Keynes has more than anywhere else, leading to nickname 'roundabout city'.

In the 80's Milton Keynes wanted to attract people to move there and used a very well remembered and wide spread advertising campaign to do so. The ad's educated the country to a place they really knew nothing about. The roundabouts and concrete cows of Milton Keynes are now well known.

So there you have it. The new town of Milton Keynes and the MK Dons.

Nice balloon kid.

Come shopping to Milton Keynes!

UF Quick Throw: No-one wants to go watch Newcastle?

2009-07-10T12:30:00.004-04:00

Apparently, NUFC season ticket sales are at a 20-year low. The club hasn't specified what kind of renewal stats they're facing, but it's not good.

So 600 pounds is too expensive for their season of Colaship in 2009/10. Who knew?

[Tribal Football] via The Sun

Central American soccer is Crazy, too

2009-07-10T11:20:00.003-04:00

Yes, I know that Mexico is considered North America. Just go with it, OK?

Last night, Mexico and Panama played to a 1-1 draw in the Gold Cup. If you were to judge from the ESPN Deportes (?) highlights below, you'd say this was a pretty run of the mill draw, with one little blowup on the sidelines.

But, as you will see below, you would be dead wrong.

First of all, the first half ended with a double red card. Giovanni Dos Santos was tackled by Armando Gun. Play went on as Gun clambered over Dos Santos. Dos Santos seemed to grab Gun's leg and Gun took exception and pushed the former Brazilian. At this point Luis Noriega comes in to play bouncer for Mexico. Both get red cards.

The real fun started around the 78th minute when Ricardo Phillips makes the mistake of dribbling along the touchline by Mexico's bench. Phillips, who had just come on in the 76th, took offense at Mexican manager Javier Aguirre kicking at the ball while it was still in play and shoved the sideline general.

As you can see, there was an immediate reaction from the Mexican bench, as well as the field players, against Phillips. The referee, Joel Aguilar of El Salvador, shows none of the uncertainty he displayed in handling the first half red cards and sends both Phillips and Aguirre off quickly. Well, at least Aguirre left quickly.

Don't have 10 minutes? Let me run that down for you. Phillips refused to leave the pitch. Panamanian team officials tried to get him off. No dice. Security tried to get him to leave. Phillips starts to go off, then comes back on the pitch. The referee looks like he is going to abandon the match, only for the CONCACAF match commisioner (and other men and women in suits) to come on the pitch and seem to force Aguilar to restart things. Finally, after almost 10 minutes, Phillips goes off the pitch. His reward--a shower of bottles, trash and who knows what else from the largely pro-Mexico crowd in Houston.

That wasn't the end of the fun, though. About four minutes into added time, Perez, the Panamanian goal scorer, is stretchered off with a time-wasting injury. Once on the sideline, he also gets the full trash shower treatment from the crowd. This time Aguilar truly looked to just abandon the match only to have the CONCACAF suits march out on to the pitch again and tell him to finish things.

Finally, after 10 and a half minutes of added time, Aguilar mercifully gets to blow for full time. His reward? Immediately being surrounded by Mexican players and coaches, seemingly arguing that he did not give enough injury time.

Surely there will be some blowback from all of the drama in this game, but no announcements have been made at this time. Fingers crossed for Mexico being thrown out of the tournament and the country, yes?

One last thing. Initially, I thought Aguirre was simply trying to stop a ball that was out of bounds so his team could get the quick throw in. After watching this video, I'm no longer sure.

More Shares to Kroenke

2009-07-10T10:32:00.001-04:00

The savvy Colorado sports magnate (I mean, he owns the Nuggets, Rapids, and some of the St. Louis Rams) Enos Stanley Kroenke got his hands on 160 more shares of Arsenal, bringing his total stake to 28.58% and surely preparing for some future ownership battles with the fatty Ulisher Usmanov.

At $8,500 a piece, the shares weren't cheap, but Kroenke is loaded (and being married to a Wal-Mart heiress doesn't hurt either) and is cementing his position in charge at the Emirates.

For Kroenke, he's been on the record in the past about not wanting to hit the 30% ownership threshold that would require him to make a formal offer for the remaining shares, but his quest for control is evident. Usmanov is still very much on the periphery, popping up here and there to offer spending money to the EPL's most frugal club, but with Kroenke still lurking underneath that 30% ceiling, anything is still possible.

Timbers Army In Sports Illustrated

2009-07-10T09:30:00.000-04:00

The most recent Sports Illustrated arrived in the mail today. I opened up to the Leading Off section and was surprised to see the Timbers Army front and center from the US Open Cup match against Seattle Sounders last week.

Are Madrid 12-round Prize Fighters Or Just King Of The 4-Rounders?

2009-07-10T08:30:00.002-04:00

Real Madrid unveiled French striker Karim Benzema yesterday as its third big money signing of summer transfer season. The former Lyon man cost a mere $57M for Los Blancos pushing Madrid’s summer spending over the $300M mark. All this spending makes for great headlines and underlines Perez’s stated goal to do in one year what took three years last time around with the original Galacticos, but does Perez have enough juice to finish the job?

Perez came out of the corner in his second term throwing many haymakers, landing most, signing the long sought after Cristiano Ronaldo, the 2007 Ballon d’Or winner Kaka, and now Benzema, but seemingly missing out Franck Ribery, David Villa, and perhaps Xabi Alonso. The question now is whether Perez is more Iron Mike Tyson or post-prison Mike Tyson. The difference being the latter was not disciplined enough for a 12-round fight any longer often punching himself out of a bout.

All the other clubs were stunned initially with Madrid’s explosion (except maybe Manchester City), but they seem to have righted themselves knowing they can make headway by grabbing the gems Madrid now considers flawed. Perez has already stated that he must offload at least 10 players this summer. Yet, he has only sold one, Javier Saviola.

The selloff rationale is two-fold. First, he cannot have a squad that large and pay the amount of money to the players who may only see the pitch every couple matches because the costs are ridiculous and the players will not be happy. Second, Perez believes he can make up a considerable amount of his outlays in increased shirt sales, but he must be counting on selling players to defray his outlays.

The Dutch contingent he has thrown out into the yard sale has not moved yet. There is good reason for this. All the other clubs see the staggering heavyweight who may have punched himself out of the fight. The longer the wait, the better the deals they may find on a Robben, Sneijder, Van der Vaart or Huntelaar. Come August as the transfer window begins to close, the bargain bin shoppers will have considerably more leverage and Perez may not get the funds he needs to finance his enormous outlays. This is Perez’s first mistake this summer.

His second has been his timing. This splurge would make so much more sense and yield more revenue for Madrid had there been an upcoming TV contract to negotiate. There is not. Madrid just started in 2008 a new five-year contract. Those broadcasters have a great deal now, just like many of Madrid’s other sponsors, which might explain the rumors that Perez is trying to strong-arm adidas into doubling its current deal that runs until 2012. Adidas should be laughing all the way to the bank at Perez’s offer.

Perez and Madrid are certainly gunning for the top. It just is not clear whether they have the endurance to make it all the way there. Chinks in the armor are already showing and the rest of this summer will go a long way to determining their success.

Thurday Backpasses: Big Days Coming

2009-07-09T23:02:00.002-04:00

Two weeks until Baltimore. Other changes in the works as well.

Pies loves hair lists. I'll own up. I had a mullet [PIES]
Atletico Madrid player tries to upstage new cross-town rival by getting into a huge car crash. Let's see C-Ron try this [The Spoiler]
Davies to Sochaux? [SBI]
Mexico-USA to take place in the middle of the f--king day [Match Fit USA]
Originaldo to be greeted by trannies when Corinthians go to Flamengo [Dirty Tackle]

UEFA's rule changes screwing over the fans [WSC]
EPL faces uphill battle in Youtube lawsuit since they have no copyright in US [EPL Talk]
2009 MLS All-Ugly Team [NYT Goal]
Hull's Geovanni working as a part-time pastor in the offseason [The Sun]

Finally:
You and me both, lady [Guardian]

UF Quick Throw: Lula gets cheeky with Obama

2009-07-09T17:38:00.007-04:00

Yuk it up, fat boy. You'll be drinking your next cachaça with Allende after this stunt...

Developing nation Brazil refuses to sign on to any real climate control agreement, but that doesn't mean President Lula didn't crash the G8 bearing gifts. The globular Union leader turned populist political hero greeted President Obama today with his country's signature strip... signed by all the members of the Confederations Cup team. Get it? Time to get the CIA into Brasilia. If this isn't grounds for a coup, I don't what is.

Obama reportedly guaranteed the USMNT would never again blow a 2-0 halftime lead to the Brazilians. Well!

Saints Alive!

2009-07-09T16:00:00.006-04:00

They're alive...ALIVE. Ring the bells, sound the horns. Southampton Football Club are saved. They were close to death, breathing was slow, the pulse was weak, but now they have received the kiss of life. From a BILLIONAIRE. Lucky, lucky bastards!

I would have brought you this news yesterday but we had a massive failure similar to the one experienced in Newcastle in 1996. But we are alive and so are the Saints! The administration still means that the Saints start League One life on -10 points but the future is bright for saints fans today. Who is their saviour? The toast of the south coast? The King of Saint Mary's? All will be revealed....

"I believe we have a superb opportunity to rebuild this great club. This will require resources, planning, hard work and patience." -Southampton's new top man.

The Swiss are coming, the Swiss are coming! The Saints new owner is Mr. Markus Liebherr. He of Liebherr holdings. They of a wide array of products from cranes and excavators to the fridge in your kitchen (Well not mine, I'm more of a LG kinda guy but in many). Well good for him and good for Southampton fans. I know I'd be beside myself if Norwich found themselves with the situation that faced Saints fans this summer.

One man who was relieved yesterday was Dutch manager Mark Wotte...

"I think it looks very good, and it's about time. It's been extremely difficult, there has been lots of worrying about the future of this great club but, hopefully, we can look to a better future." -Wotte.

No more worrying about the future for Wotte! Oh wait. Southampton's new messiah sacked Wotte earlier today! Wotte way to go!

A new manager coming in and the money of a billionaire. I am truly jealous. One thing I ain't jealous of is those 10 points, the points that will see the south coast club start at the bottom of league 1 next term. But I'm sure if they can get off to a good start, they can finish in a reasonable position.

In honor of Southampton's windfall, survival and rosy future, lets all enjoy a rousing rendition of the song that only Saints fans should be singing. Suck it Spurs...

Zizou Surprises, Embarrasses Children

2009-07-09T15:15:00.001-04:00

Zizou doing some campaigning?

So, you know that whole to-do about the "Zidane and Friends" charity matches lacking in any real "friends" star power? No? It was only a few posts back, dammit! Don't you read this thing? Well, it seems that the legend showed up unannounced on Tuesday to the adidas Elite Sports Program camp currently being held at the Colorado Rapids Practice Field in Denver.

It must have been a huge thrill for these kids to compete against Zizou even though he wound up embarrassing them while moving at half-speed. His treatment of the GK near the end of this video is particularly amusing:

That video was sent to us by an adidas PR flack - damage control for bad press from the Canadian tour? Who cares? Did you see Zizou make that GK look silly? That's gold, Jerry! Gold!

Full disclosure: As a rec league GK I would obviously be able to stop Zinedine Zidane in any 1-on-1 situation. I would also probably scream like a 12 year-old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert if I ever got within 200 yards of Zizou.

The video also convinces me that, as Spectator said, "Zidane could sign for an MLS team tomorrow and immediately be the best player in MLS"

Good Thing He Didn't Molest A Little Boy

2009-07-09T14:21:00.005-04:00

Apparently Michael Jackson has died.

This can only mean one thing: Tributes from athletes.

At his presser being intro'ed as a Laker, Ron Artest said he's taking the number 37 jersey in a tribute to Jackson ('Thriller" was the #1 album for 37 weeks in a row). That seems like a bit of a long term commitment to a temporal emotional reaction. That is until you learn that Ron Artest will only live one more year. No really, listen to his tribute song here. Artest says he'll see Mike next year in heaven.

He also calls Michael Jackson his 'nigga'.

Anyway, we're not Free Darko. So we give a much more ephemeral tribute. This one from Kei Kamara of the Houston Dynamo.

It's about a 7 on a 10 scale. The header was pretty good, too. Although that might be deceptive from the camera angle, but it looks like he makes a good launch late to get to the ball and bury it.

Seems someone gave Kamara the same advice my father gave me: "Son keep a glove in your pants when playing sports, in case you ever score."

UF Quick Throw: Barca Prez tells Madrid to get their shinebox

2009-07-09T11:15:00.010-04:00

Real Madrid may be off-season, paper champs, but Barcelona are the treble-winners... Kings of Europe. And lest ye forget it, Blaugrana president Joan Laporta has brought out his inner Lloyd Bentsen.

Said Sr. Laporta:

We make Ballon d'Or winners and others have to buy them. It's fine by me that Real have bought Cristiano Ronaldo but at present Barcelona are the point of reference for everyone."

Wow. Get some, Florentino Perez. Get some. And by the way... Can we please start the season NOW?!?

Wednesday Backpasses: Where'd you go?

2009-07-08T22:39:00.003-04:00

If you're reading this, you are doing better than any of us. Apologies for the extended outage. Best we can tell, it was on Blogger's end. We will be switching away soon. Suggestions on migration welcome.

Not even going to bother with a jump tonight. Shit sucks.

Liverpool and Arsenal preseason picspam [ONTD_FB]
Michael Owen will not bring in lost shirt revenue to Man U. Maybe Red Devils fans are smarter than we thought? [Dirty Tackle]
Nando's baby came. Only a matter of time until they have the same haircut [Kickette]
Five pretty good bargains available for transfer [Premiership Talk]
Arseblog made a Adebayor promotional booklet. Watch out for the PDF [Arseblog]
Greg Lalas explains how the US can get a WC seed, plus he hates on blogs [SI]
This haircut was all the rage. Fess up if you had one [PIES]

We hope to see you tomorrow, but who knows?

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

2009-07-08T14:45:00.005-04:00

[Ed.: Yes we know our blog was down this afternoon, no we have no idea why, but we suspect it was the North Koreans]

Wow. After ignoring the country for a while, France has come back with a new level of crazy in their shirts. First it was this rugby-looking pink one, and this week we see a four way tie for worst from FC Lorient. Good times!

FC Lorient unveiled their new range of shirts recently and man, are they awesome. The collection includes the ultra-rare fourth shirt, which is useful when Lorient find themselves up against competition that feature white, orange and black in an equally confusing form.

((*Gotta put First Things First*))

But before we get to that fourth shirt, let's look at the home, away and third shirts in order.

Anyone who has been paying attention to this recurring post for any time knows that I hate cookie-cutter kits, like how Nike recycled their old Mexico look for the new Man U shirt. But this is . . . different. First of all, it's not a standard design (at least I hope it isn't). At least the bottom part where the ocean's waves become seagulls shouldn't be. That check mark that separates the shoulder color from the beer belly seems to be a Duarig corporate emblem worked into the shirt design. Better than sublimation, but only just.

Speaking of the emblem (which really looks like it belongs on old Pony shoes), it shows up on the shirt's sleeves as well as well as covering the kidneys. A bit of overkill there. Think of it like a warning to German shirt makers not to attack on the sides, but instead to go up the back.

This is the lovely fourth shirt. Clearly inspired by your bathroom's old tile floors, this brown and aqua mix will make Lorient the envy of the French footballing world. Can't say much else, other than BLEH.

Another thing to note on these shirts is the amount of ads. Obviously, La Trinitaine Biscuits are the primary sponsor, but there are three other sponsors on here as well. The actual club crest is the small thing centered on the breast bone with the fish and soccer ball. My favorite sponsor is the one on the back. Using both the Euro symbol and a globe (featuring the Americas oddly), I can only guess that this is a call for the New World Order.

The one thing I can say I truly like about these shirts is the inclusion of the flag of Bretagne, or Brittany, the home region of Lorient. I wish that more teams would adopt this type of regionalism into their kits, though this is by no means the lone team that does so. The downside here is that the Brittany flag is so, well, boring. Black and white don't really pop together. Perhaps the team can petition the government of Brittany to change their coloration. I'm sure it has only been in use for a couple of centuries, so that should be no problem.

You Are Part of a Criminal Enterprise!

2009-07-08T13:47:00.014-04:00

I love the smell of freshly-laundered $$$.

Have you ever bought a kit directly from your favorite club's website? Have you ever purchased tickets to a match? Have you ever donated money to the supporters' club? I have bad news for you - welcome to a RICO trial!

A report released last week by the Financial Action Task Force (FATF) has some strong words for football:

"[F]football is at risk from criminals buying clubs, transferring players, and betting on the sport [and] tax evasion...human trafficking, corruption, [and] drug trafficking..."

Well, that certainly seems like it could be a problem. Apparently one of the more common methods currently is for a player to sell his image rights to a 3rd party, and then have the club pay the latter for those image rights as an indirect salary to the player. Since it is not a direct compensation to the player, he does not pay taxes on that sum and the 3rd party funnels the money back to him discreetly. Even more damaging is the increasing dollar (Euro; pounds; etc) amount of international transfers and the often obscure machinations they entail.

However, the most insidious version of criminal activity comes when shady investors put money into a club, either as shareholders or as outright owners:

"The report cites several examples of clubs in financial difficulties whose deficits were funded by suspected criminals. Investors may get their 'laundered' funds back by selling the club's equipment and services at inflated prices, or via sales of media rights, tickets, players and merchandise."

Investigators claim to have already prevented the takeover of one Italian club by a criminal enterprise, although Berlusconi seems to have avoided their attention. The appeal of football clubs to large-scale criminal organizations is high when money gained from drug trafficking or gun-running needs to be laundered. We've already discussed the case of Mexican club Mapaches, who acted as a front for the Gulf Cartel.

In the world of competitive sport, moving money into and out of businesses worth hundreds of millions of dollars is surprisingly easy, and incredibly lucrative for criminals. The key is simply to have individuals or other businesses (essentially "shell" corporations) act as a go-between. When a business is used, there are typically so many layers of obfuscation that no one is aware of who is really behind the purchase of a football club (when asked for comment, Roman Abramovich simply replied "In Russia, money launders you!"). When individuals are used, they are typically making transactions that are smaller so as not to trigger automatic FINCEN (or similar agency) monitoring in a process known as "smurfing."

So really, whenever you spend money on your favorite club you may be doing an international criminal a favor. Why do you hate America?

Zidane's 'Friends' Are Not Welcome In Canada.

2009-07-08T13:29:00.010-04:00

'Zinedine Zidane and Friends'. Wow that sounds cool. ZZ must know some of the best players/ex-players around and if he was to arrange a tour to raise money for Unicef, call it 'ZZ and Friends', surely some of those top players would be included.

Especially when those friends are listed on the offical website as Alessandro Costacurta, Franco Baresi, Gennaro Gattuso, Croatian international Dado Prso and one Samuel Eto'o! Wow, those are some pretty good football friends. So ZZ and his friends Vs 'Canadian All stars'. Who wouldn't want to go to that?

Sounds like the superb Showdown In Chinatown doesn't it? Except it didn't quite turn out as awesome!

Let me set the scene. You are a ZZ nutbox like our very own NY Kid, or maybe you just love football. Eto'o is your favorite player? Well anyway, you buy tickets for 'ZZ and friends' along with 7,000 other folks. What a line up! What a spectacle! Baresi to Gattuso, he turns his marker and flips the ball to ZZ who skins 3 players and floats a ball across the pitch to Samuel Eto'o, who hits a shot on the volley first time, and rips a hole in the net. You just can't wait. The cheapest tickets are 50 bucks but that's ok, you've saved up.

Maybe you decide to treat your employees and spend 1600 bucks on VIP tickets. There you are, beer in hand at BMO field, home of Toronto FC, anytime now ZZ and friends will take to the field and show off their skills.

It's time, here they come...Woooooooo. There's ZZ, there's Baresi...No, thats not Baresi, is that Gattuso? Nope, maybe he'll be out in a minute. Where's Eto'o? You don't recognise any of Zidanes friends. WTF, who is that lining up with ZZ? Why it's Rohan Ricketts and Martin Palermo! Who? Rohan f*ckin Ricketts? Martin who?

Rohan Ricketts currently plays for...No one! He was expected to be a good player when he was a youngster at Spurs but instead turned out to be a dud. Loans to Wolves, QPR and Barnsley amounted to nothing and Ricketts signed for Toronto FC where after 39 appearances he was let go at the ripe old age of 26. Palermo is currently playing for Boca Juniors and is now 35.

Not Zidane wearing number 10, but football mega-star Rohan Ricketts.

Now punters who attended the game are demanding their money back. They have even started a facebook group called 'ZIDANE AND FRIENDS GAME WAS A SCAM! - JOIN THE CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT!'

"You've got Zinedine Zidane, with a bunch of guys all in their 40s or 50s, playing against some 17-year-olds from Vaughan. Some of them looked like they were going to keel over and have a heart attack. Nobody had shin pads and they were all playing at half pace. It was like watching your father's house league with the boys on a Sunday. To pay $200 a ticket to see that, it's not worth it." - Jamil Frig paid 1600 bucks to treat his staff to 'ZZ and friends'.

The promoter of 'ZZ and friends', Ahcene Adlani, denies that he is in the wrong and simply blames a lack of help in organizing the events. He also says that the lack of stars is ok because it's for charity. That's ok then!

These 'ZZ and friends' games are still going on in Canada, but the website no longer lists Gennaro Gattuso or Samuel Eto'o. In fact it apologizes for a game on July 4th that Zidane himself could not attend due to a 'freak injury' and invites people to purchase tickets for the rescheduled event this coming weekend, when ZZ and his 'friends' will take on local allstars who have "trained extensively for this opportunity'. Vancouver all-stars? Shut the f*ck up! Where can I get tickets? They trained for this! AND were selected by no other than Vancouver Whitecaps head coach Crank Fucca, I mean Frank Cucca. That's it. When does the plane leave, I am IN.

Before you open your mouth and nationally advertise and promote a soccer game, do your research. Don't say you're going to bring these players over and then find out that you can't once everybody has paid for it," -Jamal Frig, angry fan.

I think Mr Frig and his angry facebook posse have a case don't you?

Footballers and Sexual Violence

2009-07-08T11:00:00.001-04:00

Fair warning to our readers - this is a serious post, and it's fairly long-form. I won't be offended if you don't read it, but I think it's worth your time.

Micah Richards. Jonny Evans. Robin van Persie. Fredy Montero. Nate Jaqua. Eric Frimpong.

All footballers, all accused of rape or sexual assault, although only the last is in prison. In 2007, the last year for which data is available, there were 90,427 forcible rapes in the United States which translates to a rate of 30 per 100,000 people. Although there is some research which suggests that athletes are more predisposed to commit violent crimes, the truth is that we take far more notice when the accusation is made against a well-known footballer.

The problem isn't confined to football, of course, as amply demonstrated by Kobe Bryant and Jerramy Stevens among others, although it appears that footballers seem to enjoy "roasting" more than other athletes. However, the issue of sexual assault also appears to be more fraught with the potential for abuse by accusers when professional athletes are involved.

In a 2006 meta-analysis of numerous studies on false allegations of rape, Rumney found (PDF warning) that the rate of false allegations varied between 1.5% and 90% depending on the study. More importantly, the study found that the statistics for rape, both in confirmed and false allegations, are woefully inadequate for determining the true nature of the crime.

So we have a situation where: (1) during a trial for sexual assault the defense often uses the tactic of questioning the character/integrity of the victim; (2) the statistics for false allegations are essentially useless, leaving us with no idea of how prevalent the problem is; and (3) the subculture of the professional athlete ensures almost constant access to women who are willing to engage in a short-term sexual relationship. This leaves us with 2 incredibly poor outcomes. Either a professional athlete has taken advantage of his access and committed a rape, in which case the victim is likely to be dragged through the mud, or a woman (most likely) has made a false allegation of rape in an attempt to extort/get revenge upon a professional athlete.

For those who cast a skeptical eye on every allegation, the "jersey-chaser" mentality of certain women makes it easier to accept the trashing of their character during court proceedings. Time and time again it has been made abundantly clear that there are women willing to sleep with someone simply due to the fact that they are an athlete. The phenomenon probably begins in high school (hopefully at the very earliest), extends to college where it is rampant given the hypersexual nature of college students, and continues well into adulthood for a good proportion of women.

So when we hear about an allegation involving a footballer, our thoughts tend to turn to that group of women who are known for their efforts in sleeping with professional athletes. Even moreso than a serial wag (seriously, Danielle Lloyd, you look foolish) these women aim to meet footballers simply for the benefit of being able to say "yes, I shagged him." Knowing that these women exist, that they willingly submit to group sex or multiple sexual partners within the same night as long as all of the participants are professional footballers, it is difficult to distinguish a real allegation of rape as compared to the variety of motives that may lead to a false accusation (e.g. money/extortion, regret/second thoughts).

At the very least we would hope that the justice system would, in due time, lead to the correct outcome. Clearly, however, that is a utopian vision of the system which is far from the reality of backlogged dockets, high-profile (and typically rich) suspects, and the adversarial nature of sleazy defense attorneys and overzealous prosecutors.

Consider the stories of the following individuals, and ask yourself whether or not you could make an informed decision on their fate as a member of a jury (while my own feelings inevitably cloud the issue):

Dominic Jones (U. of Minnesota football (American) player) - In July of 2007 Jones was charged with rape after a 37-second video of him masturbating over an inebriated woman was discovered. Jones stated that he believed that the sex was consensual, and it was confirmed that the woman had engaged in sexual acts with 3 other individuals before Jones. He was eventually acquitted of rape, but convicted of 4th-degree criminal sexual conduct due to the fact that the inebriated woman was unable to consent to sexual contact with Jones. However, none of the other 3 individuals who had sex with the victim that same night were charged with any crimes. Jones served 1 year in the Hennepin County Workhouse, where he was released between 7:15AM and 6PM every day to work, and then spent every night in his cell. When asked about the situation, Jones responded:

"He is familiar with the term 'jersey chaser,' for women who offer themselves sexually to star athletes. 'But who is it really on?' he said. 'It's on us.'"

Today, a court upheld his original conviction on appeal, and he remains on 5 years probation (with a stayed prison sentence).

Jerramy Stevens (U. of Washington football (American) player) - In July of 2000 Stevens was arrested for rape during a warrant executed by Seattle detectives accompanied by a SWAT team (Stevens was 6'7 and 255 lbs). Despite substantial physical evidence and eyewitness testimony, including allegations by the victim that she had been drugged, the King County prosecutor's office declined to pursue the case amidst significant pressure from the U. of Washington athletics department, enraging the police department and local activists alike. Despite numerous run-ins with the law, most of which involved alcohol, Stevens has only spent a total of 12 days in jail and been suspended by the NFL for 2 games. He eventually settled a civil claim with his rape victim out of court for what is believed to be $300,000.

Robin van Persie (Arsenal) - In June of 2005 van Persie was accused of rape by a young woman in Holland while he was there for a World Cup qualifier. After being held for 14 days, he was released and allowed to return to England. Claiming that the sex was consensual, van Persie eventually had the case dismissed.

Eric Frimpong (UC Santa Barbara/Kansas City Wizards) - In February of 2007 Frimpong was arrested for rape just days after returning to Santa Barbara from a 10-day tryout with the Kansas City Wizards (a tryout based on his strong performance in leading the UCSB Gauchos to a national championship). He had met a female UCSB freshman a few nights earlier, invited her to a party where they played beer pong, and then walked down to the beach with her. Several hours later she checked herself into the hospital and told police officers that Frimpong had raped her. The next day police officers spotted Frimpong and asked him to come back to the station and answer some questions. He went voluntarily, despite not having been told anything about the allegations. He also willingly gave up the clothes he had been wearing the night before, again even before being told of the accusation. Despite an overwhelming lack of physical evidence (DNA was found on Frimpong's genitals, which he claimed was due to the fact that she had put her hand down his pants in spite of his protestations) implicating Frimpong, including the lack of any signs of sexual activity, the district attorney vigorously pursued the case with Frimpong as the only suspect. After being bailed out, he was sent back to jail when a second UCSB student claimed that Frimpong had sexually assaulted her a few weeks before the rape, a charge for which he was eventually acquitted. In January of 2008, after just 2 days of deliberation, an all-white jury convicted Frimpong of rape and he was sentenced to 6 years in prison. He currently resides in the California Correctional Institution in Tehachapi, not far from where his dreams of professional football were shattered.

Two American football players and two footballers accused of sexual assault or rape. Two who spent significant time in prison after convictions for sexual assault or rape, and two who had the charges dismissed. Three African-American, and one white. Three amateurs, and one professional (although the argument could certainly be made that U. of Washington football acted as a professional franchise under coach Neuheisel's tenure).

Dominic Jones was an African-American football (American) player from a school where football was considered unimportant. He admits to sexual assault and was sentenced to prison, although there are questions about whether others should have also been charged and about the state/character of the victim.

Jerramy Stevens was an African-American football (American) player from a school where football was considered all-important. Overwhelming physical evidence suggests that he probably committed rape, but the prosecutor's office, under pressure from the university, declined to press charges. There remain significant questions about Stevens' character, as his continued wanton attitude towards the law demonstrates that he has no regard for anyone other than himself.

Robin van Perise was a white footballer in a football-mad country, who had played for two of the world's biggest football clubs. There was virtually no evidence to suggest that he had committed rape, and the charges were dismissed. There were questions about the character of the victim (an exotic dancer in Holland), but there have never been any further questions regarding van Persie's subsequent behavior.

Eric Frimpong was an African-American footballer from a school that had just won a national championship, but in a country where most people would be hard-pressed to tell you when or where that championship had even taken place. There was virtually no evidence to suggest that he had committed rape, but the prosecutor's office pursued him as a suspect to the exclusion of all others and he was sentenced to six years in prison. There remain significant questions about the actions of the victim that night, but there had never been any concerns regarding Frimpong's behavior up until that point.

African-American? Strike 1.
Play for a school/club/country that doesn't care about your sport? Strike 2.
Evidence of guilt? Strike 3.

Dominic Jones? 3 strikes.
Jerramy Stevens? 2 strikes.
Eric Frimpong? 2 strikes.
Robin van Persie? 0 strikes.

So why is Eric Frimpong in prison? And if you are Micah Richards or Jonny Evans or Fredy Montero or Nate Jaqua, how do you respond the next time a cute girl in a club comes up to you and whispers in your ear:

"Do you want to have sex with me?"

Unprofessional Foul

We've Moved!!

Tweeting is fun for everyone! (almost)

Friday Backpasses: This is good fun

FIFA fails to follow Austria's lead

Come Blow Your Horn, Just Not That One.

Quick Throw: The Swap is Confirmed.

Fox Attack!

He's Baaaaaaaack!

Zimbabwe, Aiming to be Africa's Peru

Swap Shop. Who Gets The Better Deal?

Thursday Backpasses: What's this?

MLS Liveblog: NY Red Bulls v. LA Galaxy

T-Minus 2 Hours

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire.

Gold Cup Tin Cup Offer

Wear This Or Else!

Beckham Speaks Again!

**UPDATE** What do you get for the overpaid footballer who has everything?

Samuel L. wants to keep his possessions

Palm Springs Kids Lose $100,000

Wednesday Backpasses: One more time

UF Liveblog: 50th Copa Libertadores final, second leg

Ochocinco Meets Otto

Programming Note: Livebloggery This Evening

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

Vieri Expecting

Activism: It Isn't Just for Politics Anymore [UPDATED]

UF Quick Throw: South Africa Stadium Strike Over

It's Not Good for Hartson

Let's Help Out Chris Bosh

Tuesday Beckspasses: Still time left

Any Team Will Do

Ambition Not Avarice?

UF Quick Throw: Melo to Not-Arsenal

UF Book Review: The Beckham Experiment, by Grant Wahl

UF Quick Throw: Adebayor to Citeh almost confirmed!

Know Thy Enemy Friend! It's Exeter City FC!

The Beckham Experiment is here! Grant Wahl Q&A

Monday Backpasses: We love you too, Derek Taylor

Bentley Goes Down

A few more words on John Hartson

When 15 Seconds Isn't Quite Fast Enough [UPDATE]

UF Quick Throw: Citeh Land Carlos Tevez

The Gold Cup sets World Cup standards of punishment

Macheda's Week Gets Worse.

We Need Your Help!

Unhealthy Fascination with Celebrity Babies Reaches Creepy New High

UF Quick Throw: John Hartson Diagnosed with Testicular and Brain Cancer.

The Unprofessional Foul-Up: Less than Two Weeks!

UF Quick Throw: Ade-Bye-Yor?

FIFA Wants to F*ck With The Jesus

UF After Dark: Macheda is Now Fred-Ex

Superclasico live thread: Becks reps our blog

Jermaine Pennant gets what he doesn't deserve

Friday Backpasses: Zero Effect

UF Quick Throw: Eto'o No Go.

It Was Ten Years Ago Today...

Rafa Rants (again)

One Step Closer to MLS in Portland

Know Thy Enemy!

UF Quick Throw: No-one wants to go watch Newcastle?

Central American soccer is Crazy, too

More Shares to Kroenke

Timbers Army In Sports Illustrated

Are Madrid 12-round Prize Fighters Or Just King Of The 4-Rounders?

Thurday Backpasses: Big Days Coming

UF Quick Throw: Lula gets cheeky with Obama

Saints Alive!

Zizou Surprises, Embarrasses Children

Good Thing He Didn't Molest A Little Boy

UF Quick Throw: Barca Prez tells Madrid to get their shinebox

Wednesday Backpasses: Where'd you go?

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

You Are Part of a Criminal Enterprise!

Zidane's 'Friends' Are Not Welcome In Canada.

Footballers and Sexual Violence

UPDATE What do you get for the overpaid footballer who has everything?